I haven't poked my head in here yet but I've been following your thread. The others have given you some really great advice which I also want to be able to follow.
I don't feel like I have any more useful advice to provide, but here's a little bit about me and hopefully you can feel less alone in this long struggle.
My mini autobiography:
- I'm a 24 year old male
- I have a sister who I care about (even if she is/was the overachieving favourite).
- I did well at school (even if it doesn't matter so much to me)
- I care for other people's feelings (even if it hurts me)
- I'm trying to connect with people (even if it's hard to find people)
- I'm trying to connect with family (even if they're not receptive)
- I'm posting here today (even if I'm not convinced I'll get better)
A lot of these things I've read in your own posts and, forgive me if I'm putting words in your mouth, I think are some similarities we share.
Notice as well that I've put caveats on each one. Those are the thoughts of my little demons and devils. They're the thoughts that bring me down.
So what would my little autobiography look like without the bracketed sections?
It looks like you without the cloud around your mind (and just aged a little bit :p)
Importantly, it looks like someone I'd want to be friends with.
My point is:
I see the positives in your posts. Starwolf, Paul, Lyn and Kazzl also see the positives in you.
But I won't tell you to get up and feel better just because we can see you're an amazing young man. The truth is you'll feel bad for a while. And that's okay.
Just hang in there. I hope you don't mind if I hop in this hole with you. No need to sit in different holes. We may as well try to climb out with each other's help. I'll give you a boost, and you can pull me up later.