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Topic: What do I do?

  1. james1
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    11 October 2016 in reply to Night

    Hey Night,

    I hope you can forgive me for being blunt, but it really sounds like you're struggling a lot with yourself and putting yourself through a lot of this pain. That's not to say your thoughts about people are wrong - I always found people in high school incredibly immature, and possibly made worse by the fact we were an all boys school - but I think all we can do is make the most of the hand we're dealt.

    I'm not asking you why you're not friends with people in your year. It makes enough sense to me, and who you want to be friends with, frankly, isn't my business. But I am curious as to why you feel like I would ask. It feels like a pre-emptive defense mechanism which suggests that you're expecting a lot of hurt to come, even from us or maybe just people in general.

    I could be completely off the mark, but either way, I just wanted to reassure you that you're among friends here. One of the things I've tried to do is let go of what others think of me and importantly let go of what I think others think of me. It's hard work and I always fall back into my habits, but the endless ruminating is so hurtful to myself.

    Anyway - do you think you'll get Battlefield 1? It looks pretty fun and seems right up your alley in terms of FPS. Did you play any of the CoDs?

    James

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Night
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    12 October 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James,

    Thanks for your analysis and opinion on my post from yesterday- I really wasn't in a good place.

    Today wasn't bad at all. A few of my classes were swapped due to time tabling errors, so I now have a great teacher in science. I also have an amazing English teacher and geography teacher. (These are the only classes I had today due to assemblies for most of it).

    Like you mentioned, I suppose it is a defensive mechanism, so ingrained out of habit due to usually experienci pain. It is nothing against anyone here, merely a habit as I am so used to a harsh and judgmental response to anything I say or do.

    While it is logical to not worry about what others think of me, I can't for some reason. I am so scared of standing out or being wrong in something that I can't handle it. It's like a fear of heights (something I also have). While it is irrational to fear heights (when experienced safely), something inside some people just takes over.

    As as far as Battlefield vs Cod, I have to say I'm with Cod. It was my first FPS game that I started playing near the end of MW3's life cycle. I have loved it ever since and now own every game since Cod4 (I have to say I am looking forward to the remaster). While I don't play it much anymore, I still love the zombies and play the multiplayer every now and again. I also don't play it that much anymore because I only have them on console, and after picking up PC, it is so hard to use a controller. I think EA (pretty sure they're the developers of Battlefield) has nailed the setting and theme with BF1, though when I played the open beta, I just couldn't get used to the projectiles, as I am so used to hitscan. I have preordered the new Cod game for PC.

    Thanks again,

    -Night

  3. Starwolf
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    12 October 2016 in reply to Night

    Hi Night,

    Thanks for sharing the great news re your return to school. Teachers we can connect and work with make a huge impact on our response to the subject they teach. Good to know you have such teachers.

    I get what you have to say about being reactive to other people and expecting to be hurt. This is what usually happens when we have suffered negative judgment from an early age. Our mind is the conditioned response to past experience. When those around us keep telling us that we are inadequate, hopeless etc..it warps our self-image. Self-image dictates most of our actions and reactions. We often act to protect a fragile self-image and overcome the sense of inadequacy. Brain patterns shape our emotional responses. Shifting the mind out of this established pattern doesn't come easy.

    Please forgive the psychological blurb but sometimes, viewing what is happening to us from a mechanical point of view helps take it less personally. What we are up against is no conscious choice but the result of brain activity. You are right, that's what takes over. Now the good news... if we can unconsciously create our reality - with work, time, persistence and patience with ourselves- we can also consciously reconfigure it.

    I hope today is another good one for you.

  4. james1
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    12 October 2016 in reply to Night

    Hey Night,

    Thank you for the thank you! Your appreciation is very welcome :)

    I'm glad you've got good teachers for science, English and geo. Do you have maths today? Let us know how your teacher is for that. I didn't find a good maths teacher as useful as a good English teacher, but it's still nice to have someone who can explain things well.

    Yeah, I totally get you on these habitual thoughts and feelings that are hard to break. But just like any fear, even phobias, the way to get over them is to find your coping mechanism and face them head on. I also hated being the centre of attention. I still do. It freaks me out. But I can cope with it better than I used to and I did this by training myself. I'd go out of the house completely barefoot. People would look and I'd just tell myself, "They've not seen this before. Their loss. It's fun." My coping mechanism was that thought, my music, and the knowledge that I had thongs stashed in my backpack. I also started joking about how I'd wear a squirrel onesie around, and maybe one day I'll trick myself to actually do it. Sometimes I even just sit on the curb in my full work suit and everything. Small steps, but it helps with our fear.

    And for you, I think it's good to start small now. I'd suggest to you - let yourself stand out a bit and be judged. Arm yourself with the thought that their judgement doesn't matter. Not even that your judgement matters, simply that theirs doesn't. You've said that there are bad people out there - let them be bad. But face people's judgement and see that it will happen, inevitably, but then they will leave or you will leave and they will forget about you, and hopefully you will forget about them too.

    Battlefield doesn't use hitscan? I had no idea. Is the delay significant? If they're projectiles, does that mean you need a pretty significant lead at range? How frustrating and just not fun, haha. Ah I started at the COD 1 stage ;) I'd stopped the COD series after the World War eras. I just preferred those to modern for some reason. Oh I really don't like FPS on a PC! Which is why I prefer the XBox because you can attach the controller to your PC and play like that. It's amazing, haha.

    James

  5. Night
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    31 October 2016 in reply to Starwolf

    Well I'm back again. I tried to go solo for a while, but yet again, I failed. Initially I stopped posting because I scared myself. I really thoroughly frightened myself. I'd say I was minutes away from attempting suicide but I'd be lying. I was seconds away from trying to end it all. To be honest I still wish I had, but for some stupid reason I didn't.

    I'm sorry it took so long to respond, and I'd like to say I'll post here again frequently, but I don't want to promise something I might not be able to follow through on.

    I understand what you are saying regarding the 'psychological blurb'. It makes sense and, like you say, it would likely take effort to retrain these thoughts.

    The other day in Biblical Studies, our teacher asked us "What do you want most". If we could have anything, what would we want. My immediate thought was "I want to die". After thinking this, I couldn't help but argue for and against the thought in my head. Not sure what I'm trying to say here, but it just surprised me that that was (and is) what I want most.

    Sorry again for the delay.

    -Night

  6. Night
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    31 October 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James.

    I'm sorry for the delay between my last post and this one. I talked about why in my response to Starwolf.

    Sjnce my last post a few weeks ago I've had all my classes a few times and I like all of my teachers except my careers teacher. He is the kind of teacher I hate. If he doesn't like you or think you have done something wrong, he humiliates you in front of the class. While I will try to keep a low profile, I doubt I can go through the class without getting called out for something.

    While I see the logic in facing fears, I find public embarrassment/ being the centre of attention so overwhelming and distressing that I don't know how to cope. I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't. While I can logically point out that their thoughts don't matter, in the heat of the moment, logic doesn't matter.

    I'm pretty sure that battlefield uses projectile, but it might have just been the sniper I was using. You need to zero your shot, lead it and all sorts. While I prefer the older cods, I don't mind the newer ones. Speaking of which, the new one comes out on Friday with Cod4 remastered. From what I've seen it looks really good. While I used to prefer console, I can't help but be amazed at the possible precision with a keyboard and mouse- also I have more friends that play on PC than console.

    You wouldn't happen to watch the Walking Dead would you? If so, what did you think of the season 7 premiere? I think it will have an effect for seasons to come.

    Sorry again for the delay.

    -Night

  7. Kazzl
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    31 October 2016 in reply to Night

    I'm glad to see you back Night, I've been wondering how you're going.

    Abour the teacher you hate - if he has to humiliate students then he's not a good teacher. So don't take anything he says about you to heart. He must have a very deep insecurity to do that. Good teachers inspire, bad teachers belittle in my opinion - it's the same for bosses in the workplace.

    Cheers mate

    Kaz

    3 people found this helpful
  8. james1
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    2 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hey Night,

    I'm sorry to hear about what's been happening but it's nice to see you here again. I do enjoy talking to you.

    You talked about wanting to die. I had these thoughts as well and my psychologist asked me to think about what I really wanted. Do I want to die, or do I want the pain to stop? For me, it was the latter. Dying just happened to be one way of getting to what I really wanted, and so I tricked myself into thinking I wanted it. I realise I'm trivialising it a bit, but if someone could give you a painkiller that lasted forever, would you take it and become a video games developer or whatever it is you'd choose to do, or would you still choose death? Just a thought.

    How ironic that it's your careers teacher who does that...Kaz is right. Some people do that to cope with their own insecurities. And yeah, I know what you mean by logic not really mattering at the point in time. I was arguing with a friend of mine yesterday because he kept trying to tell me that if I just thought about my issues logically I could fix them. All I could say was that I know what my problems are logically and I know my thoughts are irrational, but that he was trying to give me a long term fix when I needed a short term one. And the short term thoughts are irrational. So what I'm trying to say is I get it. And I don't really have answers except to say you might be doing all you can do, and that's all anyone can ask of you. We're here to listen and talk if you want.

    Ah is it possible to play on PC against XBox players? I remember Microsoft was trying to do that at one point since the XBox is basically a PC anyway, haha. I always just turned the sensitivity on my controller super high for Halo. It made general shooting a lot more fun, but sniping was a little tricky because I'm quite fidgety. Have you bought anything recently? Have you played the not-so-new-anymore star wars battlefront?

    Ah I'm slowly making my way through S6 so no spoilers! hahaha. I love a good zombie movie/series. I even managed to like the zombie rom com Warm Bodies, lol. Have you seen that?

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Night
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    11 November 2016 in reply to Kazzl

    Hi Kaz,

    Sorry about the delay on this one- turns out when I posted my reply it didn't submit for some reason. The same happened with my response to James.

    It's a shame that someone in a position of power and authority behaves this way. Fortunately I only have to see him for one hour a fortnight. I think he believes he is having a light hearted joke and that no one cares.

    Thanks,

    -Night

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  10. Night
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    11 November 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James,

    Like I mentioned in my response to Kaz, I tried to post this a little while ago, but something didn't work.

    With regards to death, if it is a way to achieve painlessness, then why is it a bad choice? If no other solutions are apparent, why not take the one that is?

    It's ashame your friend couldn't understand the nature of problems. I know first hand how logic just doesn't apply.

    Sadly it it isn't possible to play cross-platform yet. The few main reasons are balance and exclusivity. If a PC player were versing a console player, the PC player would have a huge advantage. Also, some companies release dlc early on some platforms.

    As far as shooters go, on console, the higher the sensitivity the better. Due to the nature of thumbsticks, you have a set turning speed. On PC in the other hand, a low sensitivity is good as it allows for more accuracy, though you can still turn quickly- just flick your mouse faster.

    I managed to find a copy of GH3 a few weeks ago on the PS3. It's just as good as I remember, only easier. I'm hoping to 100% every song in the game. My record on Through the fire and the flames is about 90%. I also picked up Call of Duty Infinite Warfare last week. This has been incredibly disappointing however, as whenever the game loads the main menu, it freezes without fail. I have spent hours trouble shooting and believe it is one of two things. The first is a bad port/ optimisation of the game. As it was designed for console and ported, the developers are typically lazy in this stage. The second is my CPU. It barely meets the minimum specs and, due to its dual core nature, is pretty slow. Between now and Christmas, I am upgrading to an i5 4460 :)

    Modern Warfare Remastered works though, and it's loads of fun.

    I guess I've rambled a bit so I'll stop there.

    Thanks again,

    -Night

  11. james1
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    11 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hey night, i'll see if your post comes through.

    I hope you're okay.

    James

  12. Kazzl
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    11 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hi Night - it's so good to see you again, I've been thinking of you.

    Mate, I understand your thoughts about death. I've had them too, to the point of staying in bed for weeks on end because it was the next best thing to not being here. I think James is spot on though when he asks what the real aim is - to end the pain or to die. And there IS a choice there.

    See, the problem with desiring death to end pain is that it totally negates the future. There just isn't one, when there could have been something good ahead. I didn't act on my desire for it, and here I am many years later having lived a fulfilled life. Yes there has been pain throughout it, and there still is, but there is also learning, work, achieving, friendship, happiness, contributing to the world, things I couldn't imagine at the time.

    You have no idea what lies ahead my friend - and you are extraordinarily smart, insightful and capable. Your potential future is great.

    Are you just about finished school for the year? Any thoughts about what to do in the holidays?

    Cheers mate

    Kaz

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  13. Night
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    14 November 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James,

    On my end it looks like it's come through, though correct me if I'm wrong.

    Hope you're doing well,

    -Night

  14. blondguy
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    14 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hi Night

    just thanking you for being part of the family here...seriously :-)

    we are more than here for you

    my kindest thoughts for you

    Paul

  15. Night
    Night avatar
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    14 November 2016 in reply to Kazzl

    Hi Kaz,

    Thanks for your post. I wish staying in bed for weeks on end was a choice, but society dictates otherwise. Every day, wake up early, go to school, go home repeat. Since my past has been horrible, why should I think my future will be any different? Yes there could be something good, but it's unlikely. Why should anything change? I'm glad to hear that you believe you've lived a fulfilling life and wish I could say the same.

    I think I have three weeks left before school ends for the year. It's so confusing with the way my school ends an academic year a term before the calendar year finishes. It feels like we should just have a short two weeks break, rather than a six or seven week break with Christmas in the middle.

    As far as what I'll do on the holidays, I'm not sure. I probably won't go out with friends, a) because I don't enjoy it, and b) because it's still weird being two years younger than most of my friends, and having known them for the least time. I'll probably just sit at home and play video games, as I have nothing better to do.

    Thanks again,

    -Night

  16. james1
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    14 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hey Night,

    Ah yes, I missed it somehow :/

    I don't think it's a bad choice, just a sad choice. Sad for you to have no hope for a better future, and sad for us to know that you were struggling so much. I agree - if there are no other solutions, it would seem to make sense. But, to be blunt, what if you're wrong? What if there are other solutions? As Kaz rightly said, you and I really have no idea what the future holds. I don't think there's really an answer to that question...more just an open ended question to think about.

    That upgrade sounds like it's greatly needed :P I've got an ivy bridge i5 at the moment but I don't remember which one. Will you be getting any games in the steam sales? They're usually pretty good!

    Haha I've been playing GH Metallica recently. They're so demoralising on expert. I can get through like 4-5 minutes of it, then lose instantly when it hits the solos. Doesn't help that my pinky feels like it wants to fall off in the longer songs!

    James

  17. Kazzl
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    14 November 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi Night

    Why should anything change? Well, why shouldn't it? Change is one of the few certainties in life. Things always change. There are times we can't believe that, or can't see how things can change for the better, but they can and do. And, we can make choices about how we influence and/or respond to change (eg we can choose what we believe which in turn affects the impact change can have on us).

    We can also decide to look for the positives in life (they are there), and make them our focus. The more we think, act and focus on positives, the stronger they become in our brain and the weeker the negatives (because our brains respond to stimuli and constantly change). It takes work mate, and courage and commitment, but it is possible.

    There's a lot of stuff on the internet about therapeutic ways to help yourself (mindfulness, cognitive behavioural therapy, neuroplasticity etc). How about a holiday research project? Knowledge is our friend. I'd love to discuss that sort of stuff with you.

    Cheers

    Kaz

  18. Night
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    18 November 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James,

    Sorry for the delay on this response. I've had a really stressful week and haven't been in a great place. To be honest, I'm still really stressed. On Monday our school informed us of a year 11 student's death. Though I didn't know him, this came as a blow, as it reminded me too heavily of my old friend's suicide. Also seeing people upset upset me. Needless to say I've been very distracted/ upset, though I haven't wanted to say anything because no one knows of my old friend's death. It hasn't helped that I have an English assignment due soon and a very uncaring teacher. I have been so unable to keep on task and my usual procrastination hasn't helped. I normally put things off until the last minute, but when I get started I finish assignments in one sitting. With this one, I have stared at a blank screen for hours unable to think.

    I agree that it is sad to even consider suicide. But if no one cares, who is saddened by it? If there are other solutions, they only postpone or numb more pain.

    I probably won' the get any steam games, but will rather save for further upgrades for my PC. I am thinking about a GTX960 in a few months time.

    I am currently running through GH3 trying to 100% every song. I'm about a quarter of the way through and have been playing 'Through The Fire And The Flames' a lot. Due to the high speeds of the solos (particularly the intro), I play half the notes with my left hand and tap the rest of the frets with my right hand. Do you play with hyper speed enabled? I find playing with Hyperspeed 5 so much easier, as the spacing between notes becomes more prominent.

    Sorry again for the delay,

    -Night

  19. Night
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    18 November 2016 in reply to Kazzl

    Hi Kaz,

    Sorey for the delay on this response. I mentioned why in my post to James.

    I agree that things always change, but some things don't. Why would something change if it's been a certain way for ages and has no reason to change? Again, while there are positives in life, in my opinion, there are a lot more negatives.

    Sorry for the short reply, I am getting very tired and my attention span has almost disappeared as I haven't been sleeping well.

    -Night

  20. Kazzl
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    18 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hi Night - I'm so sorry to hear of the death at your school. No wonder you've been stressed this week and not sleeping.

    Hope you got through your assignment and other work and can rest this weekend. I'm glad you see some positives in your life. Try to focus on making the most of them mate - positives have a habit of multiplying over time if you pay them a lot of attention.

    Take care Night - hope the sleeping improves.

    Kaz

  21. Night
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    21 November 2016 in reply to Kazzl

    Hi Kaz,

    Thanks for the reply. I can't help but feel bad for my response to the student's death. While I didn't know him, I feel horrible about it because it makes me think of my friend's death. When I first heard the news, I was even upset because it wasn't me. I feel so ashamed and disrespectful for this.

    As far as the assignment goes, I managed to finish it less than twelve hours before it's due. I also know that it is horrible and will do poorly. I feel like I rambled too much and went off topic, but too tired to fix it. As far as sleeping goes, when I'd like to have slept until at least 12 this weekend, I was woken up before 9 on Saturday because we had an electrician coming, and also at 9 this morning for seemingly no reason. I've always had trouble sleeping- unable to stop thinking about something. Almost thinking for the sake of thinking. I don't know the last time it hasn't taken me hours to fall asleep after trying to get to sleep.

    As far as positives go, the only thing I can think of is that we finish school an hour early tomorrow, but it's also a negative because the reason for it is that a funeral is being held for the student who passed away.

    Thanks again

    -Night

  22. james1
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    21 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hey Night,

    Oh man, i'm so sorry to hear about that. I don't really know what to say.

    It sounds like you're really trapped at the moment. You're tired, losing hope, but there are people who just want to will you on. Just because there have been lots of negatives in your life so far doesn't mean that there isn't an abundance of good just beyond in the future. Think of it like a prison cell. If you've lived in that prison cell for most or all of your life, it's no wonder you can't see beyond the walls. But, as you know, sunlight does exist beyond the walls.

    Think about some of the things you're struggling with now: teachers, assignments, speeches, past family issues, and immature school mates. I'm 24 now and I can guarantee you that many of those - teachers, assignments, speeches, immature school mates - won't even exist in your life as you get older.

    Life absolutely 100% changes. And people change too. Back in high school I remember we tied a kid with glad wrap to a bench. He was on the fatter side and seemed happy to be tied down. In hindsight though, I can see he wasn't really happy. He was just feeling the peer pressure. Would that group of people tie the same guy down now? No way. They're older and more mature.

    You're facing a lot of stressors at the moment so it's no wonder you're feeling really flattened. But these stressors aren't forever and I'm really glad you're still coming here to talk to us :)

    What's hyperspeed? I've never come across it. I think spacing between notes could be really helpful...some songs are really hard to get the beat and rhythm right! Especially for hammer ons if I miss a note I get freaked out haha.

  23. Night
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    21 November 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James,

    While I see that there are positives, the negatives seem so much more plentiful, especially when I really don't need them (I'll talk about one later in this post).

    I suppose that a lot of issues I have wouldn't be a problem down the road, but don't more just take their place?

    Hyperspeed is basically where the time notes appear for is reduced (they appear to come faster, but they are more spread out so they have the same timings, but appear faster). In all guitar hero games except warriors of rock (I believe) it comes under the cheats section, and has to be unlocked with a cheat code). In WOR however, it is under the extras tab under 'play'. As far as hammer ons go, they can be your best friend. In a few of the solos I have mentioned previously (Through The Fire and the Flames intro and Fury of the storm OMGWTFBBQ?!) I play the hammer ons with two hands on the fret board for increased dexterity. The only problem is that you have to hit every note to not mess up all of them. Some of the even trickier solos require you to strum with your elbow! Sadly though, I won't be playing guitar hero for a while. When I tried to play today, none of my frets worked. I've done some further troubleshooting and it appears as if the frets aren't transmitting their signals. As a result, I'm going to have to see if I can find a new guitar that isn't insanely expensive. Not something I needed considering the fact that I can't play CoD because of my CPU, and overwatch (like any game) gets boring after a while.

    Thanks for just being here. It's nice to have someone to talk to.

    -Night

  24. james1
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    22 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hey Night,

    Yeah there are other problems that arise, but they're different and I've found that even if we can't handle certain problems well, others we can. For example, I'm not good at being challenged on my beliefs (mostly because I don't really have any) but I'm good at managing my finances because of my more mathematical/analytical mind. It's tough to say how you'll manage those new challenges, but I imagine with your introspective nature you'll do a lot of developing between now and then. I know I certainly did between year 9 and 12, then another big leap in 2nd year uni to my 2nd year at work.

    Hmm...I should check out the cheats section. I've never looked. If I need a code for Metallica, will I just be able to find it online? Haha that's the exact problem I find. I can try with two hands, but I inevitably miss one and then I'm screwed!! I -hate- the intro to through the fire and the flames. I once turned it on expert just to see and as soon as I played the first note, I knew I was done, lol.

    Ah man that sucks...can you find one on Gumtree or eBay? So are you just saving up for the GTX960 at the moment? When do you think you can get it?

    Have you ever tried strategy games? I'm enjoying Starcraft 2 again at the moment. I really like the maps where you just have to build a defence somewhere and fight off waves.

    You too :)

    James

  25. Night
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    23 November 2016 in reply to james1

    HI James,

    I suppose that issues come and go, but I hate how frequently they seem to come. They just seem so plentiful. Finances is not something I'm worried about. In economics the other day, we weren't put in groups of 4 or 5 and we had to 'produce' things and buy/ sell them to try and make a profit. While I could clearly see a strategy in how to exploit and benefit from the system, my group wouldn't cooperate- making impulsive andsporadic descisions. I suppose it's just my mathematical mind and their non-mathematical minds.

    I'm more worried about people. I've always hated talking and socialising, unless it's with people I'm really close friends with (even then I'm still hesitant). I know I've mentioned it before, but I hate being the centre of attention, judged etc, even if it's illogical.

    Yes, for all cheats you need the codes. To find the one you need, just search up the game, console and cheat you want, and you should find it. When I played ages ago, I unlocked all of them, just to see what they did. Now I just have Hyperspeed, as it feels cheap using things like No-Fail and Easy Expert.

    I think that's what everyone thinks when they first see the intro. Some tips are to try it in practise on a slower speed. Also, if you hit the first red, then swap to the green, you can just hold green and tap the rest. So long as you let go after each note, it will automatically hit the greens. From there, just tap the rest of the notes. I tap the oranges with my right hand, but whatever works for you. Other than that, just practise.

    I'm hopefully going to pick one up from EB games on the weekend, but the closest place they have one is a while away from me. I currently have a GTX 960 and am saving for the 1060 (assuming I get my i5 4460 around or for Christmas), hopefully I can get it around mid next year.

    I haven't tried Starcraft, but I have tried a few MOBA's, and hated them. I played a few games of Heroes of the Storm recently, as Blizzard had a limited edition unlockable in Overwatch for doing so.

    Thanks,

    -Night

  26. james1
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    23 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Ah yeah, the issues do tend to pile on a lot. But I think that's just because we tend to focus our memory on them. I know I tend to remember the negatives rather than the positives. E.g. if I think about yesterday, I'd summarise it as not feeling anything, being late to pick up my sister, leaving a writing group early which I wanted to stay at, and not being able to focus at work. But if I counted the positives - I didn't have to talk to anyone in the morning, I got to listen to my music most of the day, I finished something at work I'd been working on, I ate, and I got to chat to some new people at the writing group - there's quite a few. It's just that the issues feel like they outweigh the positives.

    It does seem like you struggle a lot with people. I think that's one of the things that will change over time. People become more accepting and less judgemental, and as you encounter more of these people, it will be easier for you to open up more. But while you're in the school environment you're in, it's going to be tough and I understand why it's hard for you to see how things could change.

    Yeah I try doing it on the slower speeds on practice mode but I end up getting really tired fingers haha. They start being less nimble then just feel like I've lost control of them!

    Do you go on the ozbargain website? I think I've seen a bunch of 1060's there on sale. I check the site almost daily, haha.

    Ah yeah MOBAs can be super frustrating. I hate having bad teammates who just rage at everyone else. I just play single player starcraft. I also used to play city builders because I found them peaceful. Oh I didn't know Overwatch was blizzard. Have you ever played the gears of war franchise? It's quite different to COD/Battlefield in the pacing.

    James

  27. Night
    Night avatar
    49 posts
    24 November 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James,

    I suppose I do focus on the negatives more, because the tend to have the biggest impact in my opinion. Speaking of negatives, I had a pretty bad day today. My health class has been given an assignment about risk taking. This would be fine if it wasn't a video that we have to present in front of the whole class. It also doesn't help that I don't have any friends in my class. So I'm stuck with a group who know I hate being the centre of attention, so they're making the video in an attempt to fail- because that's something that horrifies me. I've also not been able to have a say in anything because 'It's 2 against 1'

    I also found that some friends of mine are going to the beach on Saturday, and were wondering if I wanted to go. While it's not my first choice of how I'd spend my time, I was going to go, just so my mum couldn't complain that I don't leave the house. But then I found that someone had invited someone I hate. I believe I have mentioned him before- constant harassment and bullying, trying to annoy me. Because he is going, I declined. Though I will try to look at the positives- someone in the group who I have only spoken to briefly before asked why I didn't want to go. It was nice to know that someone cared. They even offered to save me a churro :), though I declined due to the impracticality.

    Since my guitar broke, I tried playing some of the easier songs with a PS4 controller. I got about 80% on expert 'Slow ride'. The controls seem really weird though, so hopefully I can get my guitar soon.

    I haven't heard of ozbargain, so i guess I'll check it out.

    I don't so much hate MOBA's because of bad teammates, but rather because I don't find it fun clicking where I want to go and having AI do the rest of the work. I love overwatch because I can play 'Widowmaker' (a sniper) really well due to good aim. If something doesn't hit, it's either my fault or lag (100+ ping spikes are no fun). Bad teammates are annoying though- locking damage heroes, doing poorly with them and blaming the supports or tanks.

    I haven't played many games aside from CoD, guitar hero and overwatch. It always annoyed me when my friends would buy a game, play it for a few weeks then never touch it again. I put over 900 hours into CS:GO, CoD BO2, and I'm at about 200 in overwatch. I like the sense of challenge in outplaying my opponents (something only possible by learning the intricacies of the game)

    Thanks again

    -Night

  28. james1
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    25 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hey,

    Your classmates are idiots. It also sounds like they're actually envious of your ability and desire to do stuff, instead wanting to just be 'cool' because they're afraid of being different and challenged. Your maturity seems to be both a blessing and a curse I guess. You could do so much but you're hamstrung by the people around you.

    Let's do a bit of make believe to see what kind of stuff you could aim for in the not too distant future, or even just over the holidays. Suppose you had a group of like minded people, whatever that means. What kind of stuff would you want to do with them or talk to them about? Would you want to learn software development and actually do a workshop on it? Would you want work experience somewhere? Or just talk about games or rant about people at school?

    That's so nice of your friends to invite you and offer to save a churro. A shame that person was there though. One of the big skills we learn over time is how to deal with people we don't like, because they will always exist in some form or another. It gets easier as we get older because people mellow as well, but something worth thinking about. People's responses vary hugely from simply ignoring them to actively trying to befriend them. For me, I just treat everyone as my friend - if they're being idiots, I tell them and also tell myself to ignore what they say because they're just being stupid. But equally, if they have something useful to say, I'll listen. It alleviates the pressure from me because I know I'm giving them the chance to be friends, if they want to.

    Ah yeah...my sister and I tried cooperative with a guitar and controller...that was impossible lol.

    Mhmm...how do you find cooperative games like LFD2? So in a way there's then the challenge of outplaying the computer through good cooperation with teammates. Gears of War has a cooperative last stand type mode which I really enjoy. You learn the maps, the weapons, the enemies and teamwork. And if someone messes up, it all falls apart hahaha.

    James

  29. Night
    Night avatar
    49 posts
    26 November 2016 in reply to james1

    Hi James,

    Saying they're idiots is an understatement. It seems like not wanting to be the centre of attention etc. is a joke to them, and when I try to reason with them it's even funnier.

    If I had a group of people similar to me, I'm not sure what I'd like to do. I'd love to have a group of friends who are good at the games I play. Having a team in overwatch is a necessity to improve in the ranked mode, and having a challenge on guitar hero justness makes it more fun. I have one friend who plays guitar hero. He averages 70-80% on expert. I played him yesterday and, while he won every song except 'My Curse', this was likely only because I was playing on a PS3 controller :P

    I have heard mixed responses about whether or not this person will be there tomorrow, so I suppose I will go and, if he tries anything stupid, I'll hope that my friends back me up. I try to ignore people when they're trying to harass me, but it seems like they're satisfied by either me giving a reaction, or not giving one. I can't win.

    I've never really got into cooperative games because I've never had friends to play with. I played l4d2 a few years ago with a friend from school, and it was lots of fun, but it's one of those games that is just boring solo. The only 'last stand mode I've played is CoD zombies, but I played that solo. I remember leaving my PS3/4 on for days to get high rounds (rounds took a long time when you get up there). As far as teamwork and learning enemies/ counters, that's a huge part of overwatch. Knowing which heroes counter you and your teammates and what you can pick to counter the enemy.

    Thanks again,

    -Night

  30. Kazzl
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    26 November 2016 in reply to Night

    Hiya Night - I just want to wish you well for the trip to the beach tomorrow. Even if the idiot person is there, try not to let them spoil it for you.

    I like churros - have one for me eh?

    Kaz

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