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Forums / Long term support over the journey / When buttons get pushed

Topic: When buttons get pushed

  1. Speak Your Truth
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    17 May 2020 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Thank you Pepper for your post and your suggestions. 🙏

    There is no need to apologise, your suggestions are good. I’m in NSW by the way.

    I got interrupted writing this - ironically a friend from the city called and we had a long chat. She lives alone and has problems for depression and anxiety too. The reasons for her problems are much bigger than mine and she is on much stronger meds than me, and yet she seems to be managing the isolation hugely better than me, so I’m feeling like I’m such a wimp. But then that’s me being hard on myself and comparing, which I know I shouldn’t do.

    I have another friend in a different city who has said I can call anytime. She is a lovely person in many ways, but is heavily into conspiracy theories re Bill Gates, 5g etc and I don’t want to know anything about all that. There may be elements of truth in some of it but I still don’t want to know.

    All I’ve done today is sit on the lounge with a blanket over me. I listened to an “Insight” meditation and fell asleep very quickly, so I hope I did take at least some of it in.

    Thanks for your support Pepper, I do appreciate you and the support. I’m too tired to write more now. It’s going to be dark before much longer, so I’ll have to get up soon to close blinds and put on lights.

    bye Pepper 🤗😘

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  2. Speak Your Truth
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    18 May 2020

    Birdy are you out there somewhere ?

    I’ve put my foot in my mouth big time recently ... I posted on another thread somewhere, something that I wish I hadn’t and I hope you didn’t see it and think I included you in what I said. I’m really sorry if you did read it and were upset. I said something about not connecting with anyone - stupid me !!! 🥴. I think I had a mind blank or something. I didn’t mean you - I don’t know what I was thinking. I apologised to Grandy.

    So sorry Birdy. Cala


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  3. Ggrand
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    19 May 2020 in reply to Speak Your Truth

    Hello Cala 🌹....

    Just popping in to see how your feeling today....

    Cala...sweetheart you are not a wimp...not at all..This isolation is getting to me so much..not sure why, because I isolate myself a lot...Maybe because it’s a forced isolation I’m struggling with..my mind is never happy...

    Its good to hear that your friend rang you and you chatted for a while..that does help..even though it’s not the same as face on..it helps us with keeping our conversation some what up to being okay...

    If my dogs were parrots they would be well versed by now..I tell them everything, having good conversations with them daily, only problem is they don’t talk back to me..I answer for them..what I want to hear...They look at me strange at times..like they are trying to understand...probably thinking I’m not right in my head...and they would be right...

    Its a beautiful day here..seems all I’m doing lately is waking up and sitting out front then when it’s too cold go and lay on my lounge under a doona...looks like we are both spending our days laying around...and that’s okay lovely friend to do that....

    I hope you’re doing okay sweetheart...here for you always when I can be...

    Sending you a big hug 🤗..a beautiful rose 🌹 for your beautiful heart..my love and care..💜🕊🦋..

    Grandy....

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  4. Birdy77
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    19 May 2020 in reply to Speak Your Truth
    Dear Cala,

    Please take that one off your To-Worry-About list! Right now 😊

    I will come back and talk with you soon, just wanted to nip that worry right in the bud!

    🌻birdy
    3 people found this helpful
  5. Speak Your Truth
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    19 May 2020 in reply to Birdy77

    Thanks Birdy 😍. You helped me feel better, just like a Grandy 😍 did. I keep saying my brain has gone to mush 🥴. I so wish I could talk, with my voice, to you and all the lovely people here. 🤗😘

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  6. Peppermintbach
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    19 May 2020 in reply to Speak Your Truth

    Hi Cala (& a wave to all),

    I’m glad you have your beautiful friends here like lovely birdy & Grandy, & others, keeping you uplifted lately :)

    Thank you so much for your kind words. I think that call was well timed. I hope you and your friend had a long chat. As tricky as comparing ourselves to others is hard to not do, it sounds like you both helped each other a lot that day...

    As for your other friend with the conspiracy theories, I like to think there are 2 drivers in a healthy conversation (theoretically).

    Sometimes they steer the wheel & sometimes you do. Maybe next time you chat, let her take the wheel for a while...then when you’ve let her vent or talked about what she wants for a while, steer the conversation in a direction you want...and let this happen back & forth a few times.

    Just a little idea that I’m sharing. I think you may have more control than you realise ;)

    Kindness and care,

    Pepper

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  7. Speak Your Truth
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    19 May 2020 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Thank you Pepper

    As I said to Birdy earlier today you have helped me feel better too, and I do so wish I could talk, with my voice, to you and lots of people here. 🤗😘.

    Often I don’t feel so bad at night, but tonight is not one of them. I feel so tired, so deep down tired, it’s really hard. I am so very lonely in isolation and it’s been so so long since I’ve had a meaningful hug from anyone, and a whole HUGE lot longer since I’ve had a hug from somebody I’ve had an intimate relationship wth, as in family (well over 20 years) or a partner (well over 10 years). I’ve had hugs from women friends that care about me, and me them, in much more recent times, but that is very different. I have a couple of friends in cities and we hug each other verbally on the phone or in texts but that is obviously not the same either.

    I’ve come to the realisation that I am not adjusting at all well to the changes brought on us by Covid. With all the things I’ve been through in my life - living with fear, stress and some violence growing up, really dysfunctional family life over decades, family breakdowns and trauma, my marriage failure, breakdown and divorce, my several major surgeries and life threatening hospitalisations etc - I’m surprised I haven’t built up more resilience to the stresses life can throw at us. But then to have survived all that and still be here ... maybe I’m being hard on myself.

    Reading your posts and the posts of other people I know that so many people have suffered much more in their lives than I have and it makes me terribly sad about the dysfunctionality of family life in Australia.

    Tonight I’ve been watching Foreign Correspondent on ABC about life in India under Covid. In a BIG way it reinforces what in this country we have heard so many times - we are so fortunate to live in Australia, at any time and now during Covid. So sad 😭

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  8. Peppermintbach
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    19 May 2020 in reply to Speak Your Truth

    Hi Cala (& a wave to all),

    I know missing the deep comfort & reassurance from hugs is really hard. Reading your words, I felt your loneliness & isolation. I know it seeps into every aspect of your being...

    Missing something like hugs, which so many get to take for granted, can be painful. I know words can be helpful, but a real hug from someone close is what is needed more at times...

    Sigh, I think COVID-19 has had an enormous impact on many, & predominantly negative too. Loss, disruption, & isolation. I feel it has been hard for many, myself included. I know it has been hard for you too.

    I don’t know a single person offline who has not been negatively affected by COVID-19 in some way. The fallout has been vast...most people I know are struggling. No one I know offline is happy or even okay...

    I feel you’re definitely onto something there about survival being a form of resilience, in & of itself. You’ve clearly been through a lot...yet here you are. I know you still have many awful days...yet here you are. Here you are.

    I agree that it’s true that, in many ways, we are very fortunate in Australia. I think it’s fantastic that you recognise our privilege, & I agree it’s important to recognise that. But at the same time, I think that doesn’t have to negate our own struggles.

    I think we can hold that duality of both acknowledging others may be worse off, but also knowing our struggles are still valid...

    It would be nice to hear everyone’s voices in an alternate reality. Sadly, it just won’t happen this life time. But at least we have text here, for which I’m grateful.

    Kindness and care,

    Pepper

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  9. Speak Your Truth
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    20 May 2020 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Morning Pepper and thanks for your reply. I wonder how you are today. I hope it’s sunny and you are warm

    the Covid fallout - it’s massive in so very many ways. For me, and for most people I’m sure, is the grief for so many things we have lost. So many people will have to learn to live without hugs, and there seems to be no way to manage that. In the past I have had massages as a substitute for personal physical contact, but that is not allowed (yet?) and anyway the government has taken that benefit off the health fund refunds, so even if we could book a massage they would be more expensive.

    It’s still morning and I’m all out of words. It makes me tired thinking about it all.

    bye for now Pepper, I hope you have a good day. Cala

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  10. Peppermintbach
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    21 May 2020 in reply to Speak Your Truth

    Hi Cala (& a wave to all)

    Thank you so much for the well wishes & wondering how I am. They are appreciated :)

    Work has been stressful, & the mood at work feels somber. We lost a client to covid. I’ve had some other personal things happen as well. All in all, it hasn’t been a great time for me.

    Thank you so much for thinking of me though. Your care is appreciated :)

    Sigh, yes, the covid fallout has been vast indeed. I think, in a way, there’s a sense of collective loss. I agree that many people are grieving while simultaneously being forced to adapt to so much sudden change.

    Yes, hugs can be healing for a lot of people, especially if it’s from a loved one or someone close. I think it’s so natural and understandable to crave such a simple, yet powerful, form of comfort & reassurance.

    But sadly it’s also the very thing that is now limited or even unavailable since covid. Granted, I also realise some people (who would have loved hugs) that didn’t really get hugged pre-covid too...

    There’s a part of me that wishes this pandemic was just a (very bad) dream. If only, right?

    What have you been up to lately at home?

    I mean, it’s okay if little has been done too. I know it’s a strange time for a lot of people & motivation is hard for a lot of people these days...I’m just wondering how you’re doing at home, that’s all.

    Kindness and care to you & everyone reading along,

    Pepper

    2 people found this helpful
  11. Speak Your Truth
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    21 May 2020 in reply to Peppermintbach

    My anxiety is sky high today. I feel dreadful. Nothing has happened - it just is. I need a big hug and comfort so badly

    Im going to see my doctor this afternoon,

    4 people found this helpful
  12. Birdy77
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    26 May 2020 in reply to Speak Your Truth
    Dear Cala,

    I am so very sorry to hear your anxiety was through the roof - how are you feeling now?

    I am hoping that your visit to the doctor has helped?

    Let us know how you're going if you feel up to it?

    We're here for you and we are listening.

    I know you've had a really challenging time during this iso time especially.

    Hey, how's your wild hairdo going? I have refrained from chopping mine, i come close every 3rd day or or so - it fluctuates between driving me bonkers and me getting excited to have longer hair so i am do fun things with it. Geeze i have an exciting life ...

    Very important question you asked about my boys' thermal security shirts. I think i may have embellished the truth when i called them thermal. I think they're just plain black t-shirts for dogs and in white writing actoss the back it says "security " ... like, cos they're super tough and are guarding the premises in their little furmonster way? Yeah, like that.

    Thank you for your care and concern, i have had a challenging time lately with some family stuff going down ... plus my mum is sick at the moment she is going thru chemo and radiation (again) ... but i have other good thinhs happening as well, it's a bit of a rollercoaster at the moment!

    I just wanted to say hello and hope that you are doing a little better than a few days ago? If not, you are not alone, we are here with you, and we're listening.

    Not like a real hug i know, but we're here.

    🌻birdy
    2 people found this helpful
  13. Speak Your Truth
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    30 May 2020 in reply to Birdy77

    Hello Birdy and thank you for replying. Thanks for sorting me out RE your dogs security coats - you have got a good sense of humour 😄. I am very sorry about your mum’s situation, that must be very tough for you all. Hugs 🤗🤗🤗 to you Birdy.

    I’ve wanted to reply to you a few times and just can’t seem to find the words. There have been times in my life where I have found it difficult to express my thoughts and feelings (that’s another story as to why), and this time is one of the worst. I’ve spent so much time in iso and not talking that it’s making it even harder. And I just seem to be going round and round in circles with it all. Not coping well with the enormity of Covid, with iso or the loneliness, and I’ve got down so low. I did see my doctor again and now have to wean myself off one medication to go on something else, so not an easy process. I’m fed up with myself, fed up with feeling like this, so tired of the struggle to get past it all. I’ve been working to get practical things done today at home but it hasn’t really helped - a bit sad when the most exciting thing has been to hang washing that was overdue for attention.

    Thats all I’ve got, thank you again for caring Birdy. Cala

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  14. Peppermintbach
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    31 May 2020 in reply to Speak Your Truth

    Hi Cala (& a wave to all),

    I’m glad you saw your doctor the other day. But the whole issue with your meds does sound very challenging...

    Oh Cala, I feel for you. The loneliness and feelings of monotony must be crippling. It must be so intense for you...

    I think, & I’m sure you know this anyway, you really do need sustained/regular face-to-face meaningful contact with someone in your physical community. If not, at least a phone call...

    Sigh, I think connection is the real antidote to your loneliness. I‘m not saying anything groundbreaking here though...

    I believe restrictions are lifting in your state. So perhaps you can maybe start to slowly venture out again. I know it can be a tricky balancing act of social distancing/covid risk management versus our need for human interaction, but perhaps there is a middle ground?

    For example, visiting a local cafe for takeaway coffee and a chat with the baristas then sitting in a park to enjoy your coffee?

    I also recall your 2 city friends who seemed to be keen to chat with you on the phone last time. I wonder, would you consider reaching out to them again, and perhaps even proposing regular phone calls e.g. once each week or two?

    Sorry, I don’t mean to overwhelm you with ideas and I’m not trying to tell you what to do. It’s just that I feel loneliness is at the heart of your struggles, hence my going on about trying to increase your connections ;)

    Kindness and care,

    Pepper

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Hanna3
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    31 May 2020 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi Cala,

    Peppermint's suggestions sound excellent - I know the lovely ladies who work at our local coffee take away and we always chat, and people sit in the park in the sunshine and there are always people to talk to, everyone is in a friendly mood on a nice day!

    Thanks for the suggestion re the jigsaw mat, I need a wooden one so I'll get to Bunnings sometime for one.

    Hope you're feeling happier as things are opening up - all our shops and cafes are open here. best wishes!

    2 people found this helpful
  16. Ggrand
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    31 May 2020 in reply to Hanna3

    Hello Cala...and everyone...🤗..

    I like the idea of coffee and a park sit down..Although it’s something I can’t do on my own..it always sounds relaxing when I hear it..

    Thank you for your post on mine..I will reply to you their as well..when I feel up to being able to post on mine...
    I often reply several times then keep deleting them..It’s so hard to find words to explain our thoughts and how we’re feeling...especially when we are really down....

    Well done seeing your Dr..and I’m wishing you the best while your weaning off your old meds to try the new one..I hope they can help you better then the last lot...I went through around 6 different families of ADs until they found one that helps me.....Well takes the edge of my emotions making it easier for me to manage most times..

    It’s okay dear Cala if all you managed was hanging out your clothes...that’s an achievement, and enough when we’re not well...You’re struggling sweety...please don’t be to hard on you...Isolation is nearly over... clubs, pubs, shops! Venues, cafe shops are all opening up again..,It’s okay to visit them with friends now..to sit down and chat about things you like....even sneak in a hug if you need one and you know your both safe...or you can invite them to your home, for coffee...

    Hope you’re doing okay today Cala...

    Sending you my love, care and heaps of hugs dear friend..

    Grandy..

    4 people found this helpful
  17. Ggrand
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    9 July 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello Cala...

    How are you doing dear Cala..🦋..

    I wanted to call in to say hello and give you a nice comfy warm friendly hug....

    Care, kindness and yep more hugs..🌈🌹🦋🤗.

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful

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