Hello everybody,

With coronavirus, there has been a spike in racist behaviour against people of Asian ethnicity in Australia. I’m sure there are people in our community who have been on the receiving end of such behaviour. You may also be Indigenous or of other ethnicities, struggling with the emotional impact of racism directed against you over the years. This could include anxiety, depression and reduced sense of self-worth. I though we could open up this forum as a way of sharing coping strategies when facing prejudiced behaviour.

I’ll start by listing some ideas:

• Build a network of people around you who can make you feel good about yourself
• Identify the behaviours that have led you to internalise the idea that you are 'not good enough' for society and work on accepting yourself as you are
• Reminding yourself that the actions/words of racist people stem from their own insecurity rather than you

What are your strategies?

For those seeking more information on racism, its impacts and what you can do about it, here are some links that can help.

BB article: Respond to racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator/respond-to-racism)
BB campaign: The Invisible Discriminator (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator)
BB article: Educate yourself about racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/the-invisible-discriminator/educate-yourself-about-racism)
Forum thread: Racism (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/racism#qgLmI3HzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A)

Sending love,
M

Hi Emmen

I’m 64yo and sadly, part of the baby boomers (born between say 1948 and 1966. That means my teenage years late 60’s at school in a western suburbs school in StAlbans meant lots of racism.

However, I was s 5th generation Australian and all the other students in my class had parents born overseas. The German boys stuck together as did the Poles and Italians why? Because they spoke their home language and their families were friends. This was all fine until a conflict with me began with one of them and the gang mentality started. Many times I was labelled “Aussie garbage”.

Thankfully since then things have improved. However on a personal basis I was far too fragile to work as a warder in a jail at 21yo, far too emotional to tackle general nastiness and the need to escape society was always my desire right up till 2009 when diagnosed with bipolar and dysthymia. Appropriate meds subdued mist symptoms...I made it alive!

So in response to those feelings I found ways of justifying escaping situations rather than confronting them. This is based on survival rather than choice. Hence my written threads on the topic of weeding out the destructive toxic people from my life has helped...even if I get it wrong at times

Google beyondblue fortress of survival (also part 2)

beyondblue topic want to be a hermit?

beyondblue topic wit, the only answer to torment

So they are my strategies. I should imagine those people from overseas would develop similar strategies to survive the alienation of racism.

TonyWK

Hi TonyWK,

I'm sorry you had to experience that. It's terrible to feel like everyone is ganging up against you because of what they perceive to be your difference. While racism itself is a larger structural issue that is linked to power and therefore experienced by minorities, everybody can experience racial prejudice as you have. Prejudice is a result of the assumptions that are held about people, and it truly is upsetting that they could label you with that term.

I'm glad to know that your journey has been one of recovery and that you have shared your experiences with us. I'm sure too that others who have come from abroad, as well as everyone who is born or identify as Australian but face racially prejudiced behaviour have other strategies for coping, which I hope they will share with us as well.

Take care,
M

Dear Emmen~

Thank you for this thread, Your links above are indeed useful.

While I think most people are fundamentally good intolerance prejudice and racism are unfortunately far too common and do untold damage. If one adds to that the fact there are so many targets knowing what to do can be hard. Not all can go on a march, or even defend someone on a tram.

I've lived a long life (even longer that TonyWK's :). I guess I think the only thing I can do is try to see everyone as an individual, and while I might look for common threads such as kindness, recognize each is entitled to specific beliefs and try not to offend.

I doubt I'm always successful as I do not know the finer nuances of different cultures, but politeness and consideration can normally be recognized by most as an honest starting point to be at one with equals.

There will inevitably be cultural differences, and some of them may be hard to reconcile, again seeing those involved as individuals seems to me the only way. In the same way it is people that make these divisions It is people that can make harmony, each in their own little sphere of influence.

I believe that harmony starts with education and respect.

Not perfect, some things will inevitably be missed unless the circumstances are special, but the thing to strive for.

Croix

Hi Croix
I really agree with ur posts

I do think racism does untold damage

The racism i have seen against different people in my life really disturbs me

I'm sorry for anyone experiencing racism at this time, it can hurt so much.

Hi Emmen

Thankyou for starting this thread. Racism has affected myself & my family deeply.

I'm bewildered, saddened & sometimes at a loss to help others understand it's vile impact...

I was born in Asia but not of obvious Asian heritage, sadly lol, I spent my formative years growing up there, I LOVE my culture dearly. I've been labelled many different "races" but there is only one race - the HUMAN race. Not my quote but from Professor Jane Elliott who developed the "Blue eyed brown eyed experiment". She is a Champion.

If EVERYONE in the whole world could go through this experiment or program, & FEEL it, then racism could evaporate.

I've sat each of my children 1:1 on my lap & done a modified version of this program the MOMENT one even suspected racist idea was formed in their precious little minds. Sure they end in tears. But so be it. Tough love extends to extinction of this dreaded disease in societies.

Myself & my own children have directly experienced racism. My eldest children were told to look at alternative education pathways because "everyone knows that they'll drop out...." because of their culture.... boy did I have A LOT to say about that! Unbelievable. They've all achieved tertiary quals now.

Before UPstanding was a word, I did this in the playground of my school as a child. I stood WITH the children being racially vilified & said "I'm not Australian (indeed I wasn't)… these others were BORN here, so they're far more "Australian" than me, and even if they WEREN'T they're Australian now! I'm not" & the discussion ensued.
The "White Australia Policy" omg.

I have a close black American friend living in America. I speak to him often atm just to let him know we love & support him & his family. He is younger than me & is experiencing the most horrifying things in his life. The systemic racism is another layer of this disease everywhere. I haven't told my children much at all about this, but my adult children ask, so I tell them. The brutality is too much for the younger ones atm.

My children are despairing. My youngest daughter was in tears last night over what she's seen on social media. I reinforced her justifiable anger & sadness over racism. "BE the change you want to see in the world" is about all I could offer her. Her psychologist may offer more.

What CAN we do? Our immense frustration & distress at racism, is so overwhelming for empaths like us, it's far worse for those directly affected.

Much love to all
EM

Hi EM

thanks for your lovely post and thank you to Emmen, for starting the thread, and to Tony and Croix for the comments.

A close person to me experienced a racist attack and it really upset me.
I have also been in a room where a man in his 70s spewed some racist spew about not liking to live near certain people because of their race. The worst thing was he was almost laughing about it, smirking, as if it was a sort of dirty little private joke that everyone could enjoy being racist. I've still been in pain from that.
I was able to stand up to this person and I think it can help to speak up, although it does take practise to get the words out. What if it wasn't just okay to be racist because it was offensive, or because it's the stuff you "don't say outloud," - what if we could understand how hurtful it is to human beings to here and how abusive it is to single people out for their culture and ethnicity.
I agree EM that empaths suffer a lot due to this.

Croix, you're absolutely right. Seeing people as individuals, looking for commonalities and respecting difference is what we should be doing. I often think it's not about succeeding 100% of the time, but rather, the willingness to accept when mistakes are made (as they inevitably will). I love that you said "I believe that harmony starts with education and respect". I cannot think of a truer statement for social cohesion to be achieved - not just in matters of "race", but in dealing with any kind of difference.

EM, it's terrible when the young ones get sucked into this world of prejudice. There's a sense of having lost what is pure to the follies of the world. I'm so proud of you for having done what you can to protect these children from becoming victims or perpetrators of racist behaviors. If only more people would stand up for others when they see them being targeted or discriminated against, the world would be a more beautiful place. A huge hug to you for what you and your children have gone through, and for having done what you can.

Sleepy21, I'm sorry you had to experience that. But thank you for speaking up to that person. I know it can take a lot of effort, and sometimes, speaking up can be a scary experience. You were brave to stand up to him and I hope you continue to do so. As you have pointed out, it does untold damage, not just to the people at the receiving end of this behaviour, but to people close to them as well. Take care, Sleepy21.

- M

Here are some resources for anyone interested in learning more about racism.

Racism and what you can do:

REACH OUT Australia: 'Standing up to racism' (https://au.reachout.com/articles/standing-up-to-racism)

For people affected by racism:

Make a complaint to the Australian Human Rights Commission (https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/race-discrimination/about-racial-discrimination)

or to Anti-Discrimination Australia (if it’s related to employment, housing, services etc.) (http://antidiscrimination.com.au/racial-discrimination/)

hey there,

Thanks for the resources. I'm considering making a complaint to the AHRC... i wander how it will go.

I think reading and watching material made by people of colour is also very helpful - trying to learn to listen.

Thank you for raising this topic.

Racism burns a really painful welt into people and makes them feel small, this is really bad for mental health and we all need to be astute to learn how to avoid hurting others

Hi Emmen and everyone

What a whirlwind of a week for our family and the world attending to things. I avoid all TV atm and am not on any social media.

Peaceful Protest March - PPM
This all happened amongst much discussion this week. There's no shortage of empathy in our family with each other.
My eldest, adult children are Aboriginal. My youngest not. The eldest have children and thought it responsible not to attend due to being parents. They have taken their children to many protests and are activists but not this time in public.
My youngest children swapped work shifts to attend the PPM in a major city a number of hours away.

I was terrified but supportive.

Due to last minute High Court announcement last night, the youngest rallied to create a PPM locally.

I really am so proud of them. They asked their friends of 'colour' to stay home and stay safe. But they refused.

The PPM was a massive success! I AM SO PROUD OF OUR LOCAL POLICE supporting this March!
They cleared the streets and put up barricades for the children to walk safely! OMG, I cried with gratitude.

In a small town so many people gathered! The kids were put in groups of 10 lol.
Maybe 1000+ were there physically distancing. Indigenous Elders held a Smoking Ceremony awwwwww how beautiful.
Speakers spoke and t-shirts were given out. The children wore them proudly!

THANK YOU Community, keeping ALL children safe should be our Number 1 priority. HIGH FIVE to Police!!!

Getting THIS Message out loud and clear is a responsibility for EVERY PERSON.

Love EM

im greater sydney based and couldnt attend protests but i have an inner city friend who attended the sydney march this afternoon. supreme court reversed the decision just before the march bc too many people showed up getting ready for the march to go violent, and she said the cops were there. just disassociating. no knees. no solidarity. had paddy wagons out. she got home at 5pm she was lucky because at roughly 7 the police kettled everyone remaining into central station, barricaded all exits but one, and starting macing the shit out of them because they refused to leave (50,000+ people at 6:30. not leaving. one exit.) v little media couldn't get in, cops insisted there was nothing to report.

protestors are reporting the cops are targeting poc without warning and... you have to wonder how badly they're proving the point when the protest about racial profiling by police that was almost cancelled due to risk of a respiratory pandemic ends up in cops using chemical irritants. that irritate the lungs and cause coughing. during a respiratory pandemic. predominantly on nonwhite protestors.

My friend can't protest tuesday (she wants to teach and educators need squeaky clean criminal records) but she knows her newly-radicalised group chat's definitely going. im just... so angry. so upset. we trust the police when they take knees or march in solidarity and theyll always turn around and turn it into violent shitshows. 

eight

That's absolutely shocking, I'm so sorry this has happened for us all and especially those harmed today.

This is NOT the way to go.

Every person has the right to attend a Peaceful Protest March and that's how it can be...…

until.

Thankyou for posting this. In light of my previous post, I'm sorry. It seems so opposite.

I'm grateful the police were so respectful here today.

I'm disgusted at the police response in Sydney.

EM

Dear Eight~

Although it is tempting to do so may I suggest you are lumping a group of people together and judging them

"you could look into those eyes and see them thinking about how they were def meant to be shooting."

If an individual has to front a house and tell the occupant their loved one is no more, or sought a child without success then shooting would be far from their minds at a demo. They have seen suffering and that changes a person.

I'd be silly to try to defend all police in every state, and perhaps might not approve of some protesters actions eihter. I do think Adelaide is a shining example of cooperation and hope it will spread elswhere.

I'm also concerned anyone could contract the virus during these activities.

If you disagree with me OK, I'll not mention the matter further. This after all a mental health forum, and a lot of important matters may be better discussed elsewhere.

Croix (and yes I was policeman so you can me regard me as having a limited viewpoint should you wish)

ecomama, thank you for sharing that experience with us. It is truly beautiful that everyone worked together peacefully for a positive outcome.

eight, you've had a terrible experience and I'm sorry it went that way. I don't agree with violence either and it sickens me whenever I hear of violence being justified for anything. That said, drawing on what ecomama and Croix have shared, the police have remained respectful in other instances and we should try not to lump them all as bad or untrustworthy. Sadly it's always the bad experiences that cause us to generalise a population - and unfortunately that's exactly what fuels prejudiced thoughts and stereotypes about racial groups as well. So let's not fall into the same trap that we don't want others to fall into.

Sending love,
M

Dear Emmen~

Thank you for coming back here, and sending love.

I would not want you to think you are not welcome here Eight, you are .I'm sure you have heard this before:-

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"

I know it says 'men' but but was written in the eighteenth century, an even less enlightened time.

So demos may be part of it, not standing by is a must too.

Croix

hi all

i hear you eight as well as Croix and emmem.
There are racist people out there who shameless target p.o.c.
I am mixed race and can pass as Australian but have experienced racism too

That said, I don't know if I'd ever want to be anything else- I'm happy to be different, because it makes me know that racism is real. It happens and is happening every day. I've often been shocked who expresses racism, it's sometimes the most educated people.
what a bust.

I don't know any policemen but I believe there would be some good ones. Although fair to call out those who use bullying to target the vulnerable.

Croix I understand you p.o.v. and thank you for sharing it. Not fair either to group all cops as bad, although I think good to call out those who are participating in racism.

Croix I know you are an ex-police and I do know you! I am sure you were kind as a cop, what a hard job

I know these issues are laden with pain for people who have any involvement - i don't judge anyone for being sensitive.
I'm so sorry eight for what your friend went through.

HI Emmen

Thankyou for your thread topic on coping with racist behavior (towards anyone) since Covid-19. I have seen some examples of the racism you mentioned on the news and its unacceptable and not condoned in Australia

This is an excellent thread that provides invaluable support to people of any ethnicity that have experienced prejudiced behavior post (or prior) Covid-19

Just for myself...I dont think discussion about protests or criticism of Police helpful where people's mental health is concerned.

Thankyou for the helpful links you provided Emmen

my kind thoughts

Paul

Hi Paul,

Thank you for your valuable input. I hear you. Let's keep this forum focused on mental health issues.

I completely understand why eight has shared that experience, because it has clearly upset him/her and affected his/her mental wellbeing. And I encourage anyone to share experiences that have affected your mental wellbeing so that we can all support you and be a part of your recovery. But let's remember that this platform is here to help each other cope with these issues in a sustainable way rather than to debate these experiences that people have brought up.

Sending love,
M

Hi Sleepy21,

Thank you for sharing. Given that we're a society that appears to be highly concerned about racializing people, you must have faced challenges as a mixed race person, trying to make sense of your identity for others. You are different...in a good way. Being mixed race is about having the best of a few cultures with you - it's certainly an identity to be proud of :)

Cheers,
M

he

i definitely disagree w thread consensus but its become impossible for me to write more than a paragraph. i wish i could tell you my reasoning what ive been seeing but i sit down to write it and my whole body starts screaming. im tired. dont really need an ruok or anything even if it wouldn't be incredibly useless to someone who cant talk there's no need

hi eight i wish i could be more helpful

if it's okay, just wanted to say I care and hope you are okay.. This sucks what's happening now. This sucks that vulnerable people are not being treated even like people. This sucks that power is being abused.

i hope you can take care of yourself and feel okay.

Dear Eight~

Sometimes sights live a long time.

I wish you peace and rejuvenation for another day. I look forward to talking with you again whenever you would like.

Croix

On the main topic, my coping strategy is to recognise that racist behaviour seems to arise from a self-centred perspective or worldview, where everything a person is used to and comfortable with seeing/experiencing is considered normal and anything new or unfamiliar is considered "other" and to be actively deterred from having any unpredictable impact on that worldview or their life in any way.

So, as often as possible I aim to centre myself and my perspective as the norm and racist behaviour as some kind of mental/emotional disturbance in the other person. I take this approach to encourage balance and harmony within myself and with my life in general. Rather than seeking to achieve harmony in a situation, I try to enter all situations with the concept of balance as my foundation. Liyan.

I am mixed race, so is everyone if you think about it. This is an excellent development in human evolution, to isolate, develop and then recombine some really powerful traits and skills for survival.

We could easily achieve the most enlightened, forward thinking, caring and successful society here in Australia, given the basic elements we have available. But we are not mature enough as a society yet. And we started our constitution with the promotion of racism right up there on our main agenda. Lamentable but not insurmountable.

Sometimes I just tell people I can't. I can't engage with this right now. I'm going or you can go. I don't give people a label, even an accusation. In fact, it makes me quite sad that we have wasted an opportunity for a positive interaction.

If I am in fear because of aggressiveness or threatened violence, abusiveness etc, I stumbled on a very cool trick by accident. Just whip out your phone. Hold it up. People don't want to be videoed, photographed or have you call the police, so they generally retreat at that point unless they are too far gone and then you really should call the police.

Most group discussions seem to contain a lot of racist attitudes which I actively deconstruct in the moment. I don't let as much stuff slide by in group scenarios as I do in individual interactions. Not because I have any support, rather because the effect is exponential, plus I have overheard so many friends/colleagues refer to my lack of objections as tacit approval for spreading ignorance. (I've got a black friend.) Most common this year has been anti-chinese sentiment and I am hardcore about shutting that stuff down. It's ridiculous and unfair.

I had a pretty unsuccecssful attempt at confronting racism
A man in his 70s once made disgusting comments about living in an area with lots of people from xyzz....

He said disgusting things about those ppl, how he doesn't like them, then made up a story that "they all think like this... they all believe this..." attributing disgusting beliefs and opinions to these people. He said he would never date "one" and that he doesn't like them at all.

I am from this group of people.

I got angry and upset and told him he was racist. Since he was an educated, older man who had never been questioned he totally lost it at me.

He then started telling me that he one friend from this race... so he couldn't be racist. He thought telling me about that friend would negate all the disgusting things he said.

I would probably take Not so hot's approach in the future - and just say - I disagree with ur views but I can't deal with it now... and not get involved.
If a person has held these views for many mnay years, they are not going to change. The man also scared me with the anger he threw at me when I pointed out how racist he was being. So if the person has a temper you just can't win.

I don't know how we can change these beliefs... I think it's best to protect ourselves from such negativity.

Hi Not for Hot - I am mixed race like you but pass as white.
People don't know I am not fully Australian which means I sometimes hear ppl saying racist things about ppl from the country where one of my parents is from.
It's pretty disturbing!
I'm shocked sometimes at how easily the racism rolls off their tongue - they feel safe to share it with me because they assume most ppl would agree with their views? How disgusting. Little do they know I myself have mixed-race heritage and am from the very same country they are spewing racism about.

It's so sad to hear such evil stuff being spewed out.

I'm sorry this has happened for anyone and sorry it's happening around you Sleepy and Not so Hot.

For decades I was a vigilante AGAINST racism; racist comments and slurs.
I would go all out and dish the whole shebang out.

Now I'm exhausted and I felt my approach just wasn't helping. It was just making me internalise anger for a very long time after the confrontation.

Btw I'm also a very "mixed race" lol... up to and beyond 16 "races" in my family tree.
But I prefer to say "we're all one race - the HUMAN race".

I was at funeral on Thursday.
It happened again.
When the comments started I just said gently and lovingly "this is very sad to hear".
When they said "What is?"
I answered "the racism, it's very sad and makes me sad that people I love feel this way".

omg they apologised.

Knock me over with a feather.
They stopped cold.
There was silence.
They changed subjects.

Didn't go back while I was there anyway.

IDK if it will work next time.
Fighting fire with fire may not always work, IDK?

I think I'm beyond anger now about it all.
I just feel sad.

Love EM

Hey Sleepy21, how you doing?

Yep those 70yo's are flat out spewing vitriol sometimes. Surprises the heck out of me too.

As I was reading his story, I thought to myself, yes, he should just move if it bothers him so much. I am sure if I had been on the receiving end of that, I actually would have told him so. In a nice and caring way of course.

Telling people they are racist doesn't seem to get anyone very far. Telling them they are being rude, impolite, discourteous or aggressive (whatever the behaviour is) I think has a better chance of being understood as a request to modify what they are doing right now. If they can't, well, there's no point standing there being a garbage can someone dumps all his rubbish into.

There used to be a peanuts cartoon strip I had stuck on my wall for a while. Lucy was doing a maths problem and she reads out something like, a person goes to the store and buys 60 cantaloupes. The next frame she says, you're buying 60 cantaloupes...? what the hell is wrong with you?

Whenever I get a flash of that cartoon in my mind, it not only makes me laugh inside but also indicates I am pretty sure I'm wasting my time. The person's premise may be neither based in reality nor lived experience. More likely they are repeating an overheard or publicised point of view that isn't a result of their own deliberations. Hence, why they can't speak rationally about it.

So I guess I only bother to plant seeds in fertile soil. Some grow, some explode in my face, some wither and die. A few days ago a friend of mine actually repeated back to me verbatim my perspective on anti-chinese racism and China/Australia relations as his own. He had great pride in his tolerance and open-mindedness. In a way it's kind of funny.

The entire time I discussed it with him he fought and rejected every idea (and every fact) and said so many disgustingly racist things I thought I might never be able to look at him again. Seems like it was worth it. He'll never admit it. All good. Just so long as he doesn't keep spouting that rubbish he comes up with sometimes.

Don't give up. You can get through to some people, even if all you say is, omg that just turns my stomach to hear you speak like that. Then just leave it. Tell a joke, move on. No need to explain. The shorter the better.

Hey Em - how are you?
I feel like your approach helped. Sadness is easier to respond to than anger I think.

I almost get than being called racist is just too much for people to bear. It's a hard thing to hear about urself. So I guess being gentle and compassionate abotu how it makes you sad would get through better.
Good one!