Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Multicultural experiences / Strategies for coping with racist behaviour

Topic: Strategies for coping with racist behaviour

  1. Not so hot
    Not so hot avatar
    21 posts
    12 December 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Em, I didn't see your post while I was writing mine. 100%. Your approach is the only one that has ever worked for me. Telling people how it makes me feel to hear them speaking that way, about anybody. Opening up with honesty at a very basic level. It hurts me. It hurts them. It hurts society. It hurts the world. Please will you stop?

    Even with people who don't know me, if I am so deeply saddened (again) at what is going on and express it truthfully without blame, although this has only happened a handful of times in my life. It seems to give people some chance to reconsider... I don't know. I hope for everyone that we all grow a bit.

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    12 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot

    Hey Not so Hot -
    I've had a rough few days but am pushing on, thank u for asking. How are you?
    Telling people they're racist hasn't seemed to hit the right spot - I like the idea to step away from the racism and say in what way it's offensive (maybe they can digsest that better).

    It is insensitive to say that a whole group of people from one country have the same beliefs... It was also ignorant and incorrect. I didn't share that view he was making fun of - how could he judge a whole nation by a handful of neighbours he didn't get along with?

    I laughed about your friend and can understand that it was hard for me to actually admit he'd learnt from u. But he did! i guess there is a subtle and warm way to educate.

    I wander if this 70 year old man now hates people like me more than ever lol (beside his one friend)

    He certainly hated me when I was done with him. I hadn't been faced with that completely before but next time I'll try be more subtle and generous. I could assume he was ignorant, I guess. I was scared because he was a university professor. He probably had to grade, tutor and mentor people of all races and I hope he didn't discriminate against people who didn't meet his idea of polite, white and - basically, like him.

    3 people found this helpful
  3. Not so hot
    Not so hot avatar
    21 posts
    12 December 2020 in reply to Guest_1643

    Same, been a tricky few days, way too much stress, but still kicking and cracking jokes.

    A university professor... You know they studied eugenics at university not so long ago, definitely while that fella was alive, so you can expect some archaic attitudes to surface around those establishments. ;)

    Just gonna take this opportunity to thank you, and this forum, everyone on it. I realised today that I have come a long way in a relatively short time by reading my first post and checking that against how I feel most of the time now. I am just more in touch with and welcoming of the information my feelings provide. More comfortable with mistakes and reversing out of dead ends because they all add to experience which aids growth which makes life so much more joyous. I have remembered how to experiment with approaches and solutions. I have remembered I wouldn't have been born if nature didn't intend it.

    Not much has changed daily except how I process events and responses. Just a big database of possibilities, oh this response might not fit here, probably fits somewhere else, store that, balance myself, wait for the next moment. I am still kind of sad, but it's neither a mystery nor a burden. Just something I will see change when the growing is ripe.

    Peace, my friend and thank you. Love your posts. Really can relate.

    3 people found this helpful
  4. Not so hot
    Not so hot avatar
    21 posts
    12 December 2020 in reply to Guest_1643

    Yes Sleepy21, listening more closely for what the person is really communicating. I have had to learn this with my own thoughts when they go a bit wild. In that way, if you can clarify the real issue, what's bothering him (annoying neighbours) the racism can be addressed as a matter of an inappropriate or an unhelpful approach to reach a solution. It's actually an impediment to reaching a solution. Speaking of sleepy...

    Goodnight

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Not so hot
    Not so hot avatar
    21 posts
    12 December 2020 in reply to blondguy
    My sincere apologies, blondguy. I will depart.
  6. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    12 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot

    lt'd depend to what state your in like any country has different people and attitudes in different parts bc l do know some from what l've heard are far worse and l always feel terrible and ashamed to know that some people are going through this sort of thing , and it disgusts me.

    l can only say that it def' isn't the norm l grew up in a very multicultural area and people were just people so l'd suggest if you happen to be in one of those others l can't mention them and they no doubt have many great and beautiful people in them too buttt, if it's a problem maybe move , it could change your life.

    3 people found this helpful
  7. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    12 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot

    hi Not so Hot - please don't feel u have to depart! we're here for u as you had been for me just an hour ago!

    I want to find that Lucy cartoon and frame it.

    She was always my fave peanuts character. She was bossy and unlikable lol but so so confident and had such self-love!

    I liked her and Peppermint Patty, who constantly got Dminuses.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    12 December 2020 in reply to randomx

    rx totally agree it's very very different

    Some areas are very unwelcoming to different races.
    I actually moved last year because I was frustrated with living in such a close-minded area.
    I don't know if I wholly succeeded - the area I'm in now is still not so open-minded. But it's a step better. You can feel it in the air.
    I personally can feel it in the atmosphere in one second when I enter a place/suburb work its streets - if it's an open vibe or one that's closed and judgemental.
    I guess I don't feel comfortable in those stuffy neighborhoods you mentioned.
    I grew up there and was made to feel poor and less -than. You're right it can change your mindset to realise you're just like everyone else. And good enough.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    13 December 2020 in reply to Guest_1643

    Yep for sure sleepy. l'm actually moving from here bc l just don't fit in. lt's a shame but l've always known and nothings changed . l really don;t have another move left but l know it never will if l stay.

  10. Not so hot
    Not so hot avatar
    21 posts
    13 December 2020 in reply to blondguy

    If you watch the news or speak to a lot of chinese people you would not need to be repeating the typical denials that Aussies aren't capable of being racist or that it's unlikely. You are welcome to disagree with my experience of hearing people go on and on about chinese people being responsible for coronavirus, but it's not an opinion. I feel ashamed and humiliated that your mental health is more important than mine and thus I must speak in euphemisms or something, I don't know, that I must disguise what happens and pretend everyone is lovely.

    I am an Aussie too, you know, although I feel very unwelcome at this point and will not return to this forum for nonconstructive criticism that requires me to read between the lines and guess at what you are trying to communicate. I have so many impossible feelings right now. I am horrified that you think I would try to upset people. I am the gentlest person but I am under such daily stress. I am devastated by your response, Paul. I wish you much peace and will no longer attempt to speak plainly with those of your predisposition.

    4 people found this helpful
  11. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    13 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot

    Haven't read the whole thread but the last thing l'd think is that you'd wanna upset people.Of course there'd be some of that in Australia it's in all countries. And sadly yeah the Covid thing wouldn't help right now but to my mind that'd be crazy it's like here our fool pm is not us , he's not the people, he's a bloody embarrassment to the country and even if there was some Covid thing in China it wouldn't be the people themselves.

    My brother lives in Asia a lot of the time he says they're all nice and all smiles to his face but he's well aware they'll be yacking away about him behind his back.

    l'm about the person , if l don't like someone it's nothing to do with where they're from it'd be bc they didn't come across nice to me or had obvious attitude or whatever. lf they're like that to me l'm not gonna like them l don't care who they are.

    rxc

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    13 December 2020

    Hi Not so Hot

    Im really upset you feel not welcome as you contribute so much to the forums.

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    13 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot
    Dear Not so hot,

    I too am very upset that you do not feel welcome here.

    Your posts are so heartfelt - you have been through so much, and have contributrd so much to the forums.

    I have gained a lot from reading your words here and on your personal thread. You have been through so very much.

    Thank you for being courageous and sharing your journey.

    I hope you stay.

  14. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    13 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot
    Especially as the original post /purpose of this thread, as posted by Emmen back in i think June was :

    "With coronavirus, there has been a spike in racist behaviour against people of Asian ethnicity in Australia. I’m sure there are people in our community who have been on the receiving end of such behaviour" ...

    So, Not so hot, please be assured that your posts are super-relevant and on point and your experiences are so valid and important to be heard.

    I really hope you come back.
    1 person found this helpful
  15. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6601 posts
    14 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot
    Dear Not so hot,

    Thank you so much for speaking so honestly about what is your everyday experience. We are sorry that we live in a world where you have had to develop strategies for dealing with casual, and not so casual, racism. That you do so with such generosity and kindness is remarkable. Thanks to brave people like you challenging such base comments, assumptions and behaviours, individuals and societies can change for the better. However, we know mounting such challenges can take a real toll on your mental wellbeing, which is why sharing your experiences on these forums is so important. We want you to continue to feel safe and supported posting to these forums.

    Our forums are underpinned by five key values. At all times these forums should be supportive, respectful, empowering, safe and friendly. One of the most fundamental ways we ensure the forums stay this way is to accept people's experiences as they describe them. We are sorry if you feel like your experiences were invalidated in any way here. We hope you continue to share your journey with us.

    While the support offered on our forums is often quick, it is important to remember it is not immediate. Please do not hesitate to reach out to the qualified mental health professionals at our Support Service any time day or night to discuss these issues and their impact on your mental wellbeing. You can phone 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, email them (replies within 24 hours) or webchat to them if you're more comfortable typing than talking between 1pm and midnight AEDT every day via the links at the top right of all Beyond Blue pages.

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Emmen avatar
    390 posts
    14 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot

    Dear Not so hot,

    You are very welcome in this forum. Nothing you have said is upsetting. As a person who has been on the receiving end of racism, this thread is for you to share your thoughts, experiences and feelings. I hate that you feel silenced and unwelcome here, to the point of you departing because unfortunately, this mirrors the real-world experiences of many minorities.

    Australians are capable of being racist, as many of our personal experiences (including mine) can attest to. Unfortunately I am unable to see the comment that has caused you to leave this thread in the first place, Not so hot, but please know that this forum is meant for you and that we want to see you back.

    Kindly,
    M
    M

    2 people found this helpful
  17. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11362 posts
    14 December 2020 in reply to Not so hot

    Hello Not so Hot

    I just popped online and noticed that my input was upsetting for you. I apologize if I caused you any pain or anguish. I always post from the heart and havent had anyone try to read 'between the lines' to understand my level of TLC. I am only a volunteer on the forums and doing the best I can

    Hi Emmen.....Its good to see you!

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  18. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    15 December 2020 in reply to Emmen

    Of course they're capable as l was saying most countries are don't think anyone's naive enough to think some aren't . And if your talking Chinese Australians in China atm are very on edge too. Personally l was only trying to point out that it's by far all though and some states are worse than others too, seems like that fell on deaf ears too though.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  19. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3233 posts
    15 December 2020 in reply to randomx

    Ps , Sorry that was meant to say that it's by far not all though , and in some states some people are worse than others too.

    rx

  20. Cocobons
    Cocobons avatar
    1 posts
    22 January 2021 in reply to Emmen
    Hello there,

    Thank you for creating this thread. I am a person of Asian heritage and definitely have experienced so much racism in Australia, much even more now because of Covid and tensions between China and Australia.
    I live in a White predominant suburb in Melbourne, and the people living in that suburb are a hit and miss. Some of them are nice but a lot of them are so aggressive and hostile. I have reached the point where I feel so sick of being here in Australia. I just want to move to Canada instead, but I can't do it now because migrating to Canada is not that east, and I have children here in Australia so it's not that simple for me to just flee from the country.
    I am married to a White Australian and when my partner and I are out in public, I always feel people treat him completely different to the way they treat me. They are a lot nicer to him. With me they are either hostile or just straight up ignore me. And no I don't have an attitude, I am a very polite person, even my husband says so, so it's not because of my behaviour. This has happened way too long now that I feel deeply hurt and not welcomed, excluded and it has wrecked my self-esteem. I noticed when we go to multicultural suburbs or inner CBD suburbs, White people are a bit nicer. Moving suburb is not an option for me now because I get to live ay my partner's relative's house for free and can't afford renting as of the moment.
    Many days I feel so sick of the community that I live in that I even feel dreaded just to go to my local Woolies.
    Australia will be such a beautiful country if there were not so many of those racist, condescending, disrespectful and aggressive people that abuse their White privilledge.
    1 person found this helpful
  21. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Emmen avatar
    390 posts
    22 January 2021 in reply to Cocobons

    Dear Cocobons,

    Welcome to the forums.

    I'm sorry your experience in your suburb has been so negative. It's truly disheartening to find yourself being treated so differently for no reason other than the fact that you look different from others. I wonder if Canada would present to you the same problems that you face here. After all, racism is not a problem that only Australia faces, and as you have noted, there is a difference in the way people in multicultural suburbs treat you - clearly there is more ignorance of racial and ethnic diversity where you stay compared to multicultural suburbs. Unfortunately you cannot do much about their behaviour since it can only be changed by them.

    The best you can do for now is to ensure that your mental wellbeing is cared for. It will be good for you to have a community to fall back on, one that will treat you like an equal and let you feel like you're accepted and valued. To that end, I wonder if you'd be willing to try joining community groups in your area and connecting with people of similar interests. Hopefully by getting to know you personally, people would come to see you as the lovely person that you are instead of stereotyping you based on your appearance.

    I do hope you will get a chance to move out to a more welcoming suburb once you're able to.

    Kindly,
    M

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10921 posts
    24 January 2021 in reply to Cocobons

    Dear fellow Australian Cocobons~

    Many people are thoughtless or cruel, and I think it may come at least in part due to fear and also being uncomfortable plus a childish need to feel superiority. So they behave like pigs.

    The more of a cultural mix in Australia the better things will get, as you have noticed in part in inner Melbourne. However that does not help you much at the moment.

    The only two things I can suggest are firstly to have good personal support, husband, relative or friend who will listen to your experiences shortly after they have happened and reinforce you are a victim of unacceptable behavior.

    The other thing is if at all possible be accompanied, choosing venues and times where things are quieter. Being with someone else does give mutual support.

    I apologize on behalf of those who unfortunately live in Australia but do not extend the Australian spirit of equality, fairness and mateship to you.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up