Hi Lily, welcome
This is a difficult situation for you all.
Unfortunately you are dealing with such inground mental determination that your fathers actions of needing control is not reversible. It is in his nature. How inground is it? Well google this and real the first post
Beyondblue topic the frog and the scorpion
What is your best action? Well clearly you both should break away from the family unit. The fear you both have is immeasurable so you should in my own personal view move away and not give contact details but do contact your father (in a neutral safe place even outside a police station etc) and spell out clear boundaries he has to adhere to like zero violence, zero abuse. This will give him a chance to redeem himself even though that is unlikely to happen. That chance of redemption will help both you and your sister cope with minimal guilt. Guilt has and will build because he has, as a parent, placed his dissatisfaction on you that you are not good enough for his standards. Unfortunately he doesn't see good in you both, likely his own fears that you will fall to the traditions and attitudes of the youth of the western culture- is too much for him to bare. Yes he has difficulty in that area and doesn't acknowledge that your difficulties are your own that are just are complex.
I wouldn't confuse his unacceptable actions as lack of love. Two totally different things. In fact he loves you both very much, but you need to be the leader for you and your sister and even your mother if she needed you but I'm afraid I cannot see any other way forward other than separation and taking control. The only other course is to contact your religious leader if you have one and get his support. But I'd still move away.
Beyondblue topic Controlling
your life – how important is it?
Beyondblue topic narcissism
Beyondblue topic Abusive parents and their effect on us- their
I hope they help. You are safe here. Reply anytime.