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Feeling so desperate

Elsam
Community Member

I am desperate, I have had to take Valium tonight to ease my Anxiety

i am so in love with this man, he has pursued me for 5 mths and we have seen each other twice.

i told him on Wednesday night that I am so attracted to him and he replied:

Oh boy... Blushing

I replied: You wanted to know!

i want to message him but am so scared of scaring him off or losing him.

I feel such an amazing connection with him and feel so crazy in love with him

i don’t know what to do, the waiting is killing me!
Why has been become distant?

Is he thinking about me being attracted or is he is getting his thoughts together or is he ignoring me??

I don’t know what to do with him!

Do I send a message and say:

Are you not talking to me now? Or it would be nice to know if you are not talking to me now? But that makes me look desperate!

I sent him a nice message this morning:

Happy Friday!

Hope you have a nice day! xx

Got no response

I am dying with anxiety and can only think he is with another woman!

I cannot think straight

56 Replies 56

Hanna3
Community Member

Topsy, your profile pic is just gorgeous!

And how great you ended up with a great partner! Good for you.

Elsam
Community Member

@Hanna3

I only said I would take responsibility to try and get some sort of answer out of him. The years of abuse from a narcissist didn’t help and I was always blamed for everything he did wrong, everything was always my fault!
I sent this man a message at 1.00pm today and just said How are you?
No reply 6 hrs later when I have seen him online all afternoon.

I am feeling so devastated and torn I can’t think of anything else.

Why would he keep in contact for 5 mths to only do this to me when all I have been is nice to him.

I don’t understand why he would send me photos last Sunday and then tell me he was blushing and now not reply to my messages!

I will never trust another man! I have been hurt so much by my husband and now this.

I just hope he replies and has a good reason for being so rude!

Why can’t these men have enough respect to tell you they have lost interest ??

I am giving him until tomorrow night to reply then I am sending a message:

Is everything ok?
You haven’t replied to my messages?

I just feel sick with worry that they can do this and not feel bad for the hurt they cause!

Hanna3
Community Member

Hi Elsam

That's what I don't like, that he's intimate with you and then so often doesn't reply to your messages or talk to you.

I'd feel devastated if a man did that to me.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. See what reason he comes up with but if he's online it's not a good look is it?

Try to do something nice for yourself tonight and get your mind off him for a while. Easier said than done I know.

See what response you get. Maybe a good opportunity to think hard about just what you are looking for in a partner.

And don't blame yourself for anything. He doesn't seem to be behaving well does he? You deserve better.

There's quite a lot about this kind of thing happening with internet dating if you google it.

Sorry Elsam that you're going through such an anxious time.

Let us know tomorrow how you are, Ok?

People here will try to be supportive however things turn out.

Take it easy tonight hey? Pamper yourself!

🌷🌄🐦

Elsam
Community Member

@Hanna3

Thank you for the lovely message and kind support.
I have had a terrible weekend feeling sick with anxiety!

I spoke with my sister and she suggested sending him a message which I did earlier tonight, just trying to get some answers as I feel in a way he is playing games but at the very beginning of this friendship he said he wasn’t like that.

I have been in two minds all weekend about sending another message so I decided to as i think it is the only way it is going to ease my mind and thoughts.

This man is in his 50’s so I hope to god he is mature enough not to play games and hurt me.

When we were together 2 weeks ago I said to him, I am scared of getting hurt and he said, the only time you will get hurt is if you fall in love....

Anyway my message, which I hope is not too harsh, now I am stressing that I sent it.

Hope you’ve had a nice weekend

I am confused! If you have lost interest would you mind please telling me.

I would love to see you again, we had a nice time together and I would like to get to know you.

He has seen my message but he has not replied as yet, maybe he will sleep on it.

I just wish he would communicate clearly!!

I know he is attracted to me from his comments and my photos.

I just hope to god he will say he has not lost interest

If he doesn’t respond I am going to be a total mess!

i wish now I never sent it, I tried to be so nice they way I worded my message.

My message is not pressuring him is it??

Hanna3
Community Member

Hi Elsam

I think it's exactly what you needed to say to him.

Not replying to your messages is not being courteous to you.

I'm glad you have your sister to talk with!

Chill out for the evening - even if he sent you a polite reply I'd be cautious with this guy.

You don't want someone who doesn't always treat you well.

Go have a glass of wine and chill for a while! He hasn't been in a rush to reply to you. You don't need to reply to him in a hurry either.

See what happens. I just don't have a good feeling about him.

Relax! Whatever happens, happens. 🙂

WaterFront
Community Member

Hi Elsam,

Your message was not too harsh so please don't worry about that. You are politely asking for him to let you know where you stand in relation to his intentions and indicating you are still interested.

I'm with Hanna3 on this one. I'm not sure you should be trusting someone who has treated you in this way. You have messaged him a few times and he has clearly not considered your feelings. I would be very cautious. Also, if he has treated you in this way in the beginning of things, what would he treat you like moving forward if his response was positive?

Honestly, he doesn't deserve you in my opinion. If he doesn't respond, he is showing you the type of person he is and you are probably lucky you didn't get any more involved with him. Someone on another BB thread told me that when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

WaterFront

Hanna3
Community Member

Hi Elsam

Just popping by to check on you here. Yesterday and today are a bit hectic but I'll definitely come by again sometime today.

Great post by Waterfront! What you messaged was perfect and in ignoring you this guy was not being kind to you.

I read a great article ages ago about what sort of partner you should look for after a bad relationship. I've always remembered what the woman writing it said:

A man who is kind, a man who is kind, a man who is KIND!

You're doing great Elsam! I'll check in again later. I know you've been anxious and upset. You have friends here!

Hugs 🙂🥀🌄🌻

Elsam
Community Member

Thank you lovely friends

I has a terrible night and this morning just feel so distraught and devastated like I can’t move on.

Why do these men think it is ok to do this and just think it is fine!

I have not yet received a response to met message, if he is not going to respond I don’t understand.

Why doesn’t he just block me!

How can he do this after 5 mths, flirting, playing with my emotions, messaging and chatting everyday and night, now nothing!

He can’t even ask if I had a nice weekend

My head is going to explode, I can’t think of anything else

I can’t do this, I feel physically sick!

I need to speak to him.

WaterFront
Community Member

Hi Elsam,

When I have thoughts running around my head that are making me fixate and unhappy, I try to do something that needs really intense concentration so that my mind is fully occupied and can't wander back to the thoughts that are upsetting me. What this might be is of course different for each person and harder to do than say. I paint, read a really good book or practise meditation techniques. What can you do to take your mind of it? For a little while at least.

I really don't understand how someone can ignore another person in the way that this man is doing to you. I do think he might be playing games. My advice, the next time you want to text him, write it down or journal your thoughts rather than text or come to BB to talk about it on the forums. Sit with it for a while and you might find you actually don't want to send it. Just a thought.

I'm so sorry this situation is making you feel this way. We are here to help and listen.

WaterFront

Hanna3
Community Member

Hi Elsam

I'm sorry you're going through so much distress and anxiety. Waterfront makes an excellent suggestion that you post here before texting.

I'm sorry he is not responding to your messages. Personally I don't trust him. He may be feeling you're coming across a bit desperate and running away but he's been inconsistent all along.

I know you say you're in love with him, but how much has he really done for you? How much time have you spent together so you could really get to know each other?

Personally I suspect he's a bit of a player. Sorry but he sure fits the profile. I know he's been charming when he's been with you but he's quite OK with ignoring your messages and leaving you for a long time without phoning you to talk. Texting isn't much of a relationship. You deserve better than that.

There are other kind decent interesting men out there. I wouldn't keep contacting this guy myself. Have you got a friend or friends you could go out with and just enjoy yourself for a while? (I know lockdowns make this difficult).

I just think this guy isn't giving you what you have the right to expect in a relationship. I know his behaviour has hurt you badly and caused you a lot of anxiety.

Can you just spend time caring for yourself and friends/family? I think you were very trusting of this man very early.

Again I am sorry. We're all here to support you. Let us know how you are going. We do care.

Hugs! 🥀🌄🌻