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conflicted

Kara01
Community Member

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman.

I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected.

I have been married to a wonderful woman for 39 years and I do love her and my children and grandchildren.

I desperately don't want to hurt anyone but I am struggling more than ever with my identity and I don't know how much longer that I can keep my secret from everyone.

Everyday I feel I am just lying to myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this for.

Every time I see a woman of my age I just ask myself why couldn't it have been me that was born female and not trapped in my male body.

I am very concerned about my current state of mind as I can only think about this issue and nothing else.

I started to cross dress from a very early age and only ever felt a complete person when I was dressed in women's clothes.

I am desperate to try and move on with my life but am terrified of the damage that I will cause to my family.

211 Replies 211

Lillylane
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Oh that’s great you have an appointment set up now. All moving forward 🙂

take care,

Lillylane

Jo8049
Community Member

Hi Kara , that is awesome news . Kara , apologies are not necessary . There is just so very much going on for you right now . Grab any rest you can .

Look forward to travelling with you and am so glad that there is action to capture your focus now .

Thank you very much to Lilylane 👍 , invaluable xx

Jo 🐾💃

Kara01
Community Member

Hi everyone just quick update had my first counselling session with the work provided councillor it was okay but as they don't specialise with gender issue and of course GD it was helpful just as got to speak with someone else.

Very non specific advice but some of it was still helpful. I have been asked to start a journal of my emotions and what triggers them, good & bad going to give it a go. I have another session in two weeks so it won't do any harm to keep up the conversation with them until my appointment with Shine.

One thing that the councillor advised me to do was let go of other peoples expectations. This is my time and I need to embrace what this change will mean to me now & in the future.

I am feeling a little bit better each day and haven't had a good cry for 3 days so that's just little wins each day.

That's all for now.

Love to all

Kara

Kara01
Community Member

Well it seems that though the wheels were moving slowly over the last few weeks the pace has really picked up.

I have had another call tonight from shine and I have got my first appointment. So my journey really is gaining momentum first appointment 25th August and the 9th of September.

I am so excited now that all of the stress of having to wait has eased as I can now just focus on the up coming dates going be some exciting times ahead.

Going to enjoy the coming weeks and counting down the days.

Love

Kara

Kara01
Community Member

Hi I hope everyone is well.

So last night I heard for the first time the current attitude that is hurting our community. I didn't know how to react at first because it took me by surprise. I was in the middle of a visit to my dental for regular teeth cleaning. and so how we got onto the discussion about our community.

During the conversation she told me that she didn't treat anyone differently because we are all just human beings. All good so far but them she said that she wished that the LGBTIQA didn't protest about everything because it just draws unnecessary attention to them.

I just didn't know what to say to this due my emotional issues I was so shocked and I had to compose myself and come up with a suitable response because she didn't that I about my transgender situation.

In the end the only polite thing that I could think of to say was yes we are all human beings but this is attitude that makes the LGBTIQA frustrated because the LGBTIQA community isn't invisible and are a part of our society and have the right to be heard about the poor treatment violence and discrimination that happens everyday.

So to have to bring this up but it was really difficult to hear and as I am just finding my way in our community it was very frustrating to hear this and I guess I will hear again and again.

I can only imagine what everyone else has experienced in the past, quite upset when I left.

Everything else is good right now.

Kara

Jo8049
Community Member

Hi Kara , still here . how are you feeling now ? Look after you and I will keep on saying , get rest !!

I have seen a little bit of trans phobia but I don't look for it or expect it . It can hurt to . Think it is different out here ( in the never never ) there is a huge need for education ( people kick back when they perceive fear of the unknown ). We could use at least 3 more culturally accepted genders for a start . Today the kids are far more knowledgeable and accepting on this matter of gender and variation .

I am passionate about educating as it seems most folk will look at non threatening things and we all have a good heart at our beginning ( I hope and think ).

Lol from the never never , hugs xxx

Jo

Kara01
Community Member

Hi Jo nice to hear from you.

I have been in a much better place since getting all of my appointments sorted out this week.

Just counting down the week's and months until my first one.

Yes it was a bit of shock when I was confronted with this attitude I am sure that it won't be the last time I hear this type of attitude, just disappointed.

You are right about the younger generation they're far more accepting and far more understanding than our generation was raised to be.

One of my nieces accidentally found out about me being transgender and my sister spoke to so she could understand what it meant.

Her response to my sister was good on him.

I had long talk with shine the other day about joining their peer support group which sounds really good.

It's a great opportunity to meet with others to gain a greater understanding of our community and be able to discuss any concerns about transitioning with someone whose lived it.

I told them that when the opportunity comes up I would love to be given an opportunity to repay love, compassion and understanding that's been shown to me by everyone I spoken with.

Looking forward to our next chat.

Kara

Kara01
Community Member

Hi Lillylane just want to say hello and check in and find out how things went for your partner the other day when she presented for the first as female at her work. I hope it all went well and was fully accepted by her work colleagues.

Kara

Kara01
Community Member

Hi everyone just a quick update nothing much has changed had been a really good place all of last week, I guess that's a big win after all of the previous weeks.

Yesterday my GD bit me hard for no reason no triggers just out of the blue just totally overwhelmed me.

All I suddenly want to do was to get out of my male clothes and get of my skin it was like I was on fire. Had a bit of trouble getting it under control but I got lucky and one of the volunteers from Shine made some time to talk things through with me which really helped me calm down.

She told me that this is what GD can do and there is more like this to come. I have to find a way recognise this early and when it starts to come on and find away to deal with it.

One day at a time and I know I can get through this and deal with all of the changes as they come along, good and bad.

Kara

Lillylane
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Dear Kara, thanks for checking in. My partner hasn’t told her workplace yet. I’m not sure when she will. Probably in the next month I’m guessing. Will let you know how it goes and what we learn along the way.

I think most of her workmates will be kind and supportive. Maybe one or two of her colleagues might be troubled by their own closed-mindedness - but who knows!

I’m sorry to hear the GD was overwhelming yesterday. Well done for reaching out for help and I’m glad the shine volunteer was able to talk with you.

I wish I could help. Except to say that seeing my partner make changes over time, I have seen her become much more comfortable with her own appearance and with the sound of her own voice.

Voice training was one of the first things she wanted to do once she started her transition. And facial hair removal.

She can be very self-critical. Sometimes she doesn’t realise how much her voice has changed until she hears a recording of her ‘old’ voice.

It’s understandable that progress must feel painfully slow and I would never be able to know just how frustrating it must be.

You will get through this! Absolutely!

Thanks for keeping us updated and glad we can chat here openly.

Lillylane