Thank you, HappyHelper88,
I've seen you around, but I don't think I've posted in response to you before.
Although I have been actively dealing with my many memories since 1993, here is still a lot of work to do. Not just on how I respond whenever any of the memories resurfaces, but on how my experiencs have efected me & how I relate to the world. I am currently seeing a Psychiatrist, (PDr for short), for several years. I expect I will be talking with him about this business of 'What If ...' going around again.
Off to one side, as a supplement to my therapy with him, I want to talk here, on BB, & open myself to the responses from other people. In my day-to-day life, I have not spoken to anyone very much. Times I have tried have been very difficult & either I was not heard, not taken seriously, dismissed, rejected, or in one instance, someone actually wanted to top my story & later, denied that I had said anything at all.
Last night, I thought, I would very much like to not go down the negative roads my mind tends to do when I start thinking 'What If ...' It gets really tedious & upsetting. I don't even ask these useless questions without becoming emotional. I can't treat it as an intellectual exercise, though it would be preferable if I could.