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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / *Trigger warning - Sexual Assault* Scared lost and alone what do I do?

Topic: *Trigger warning - Sexual Assault* Scared lost and alone what do I do?

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Luna_Light
    Luna_Light avatar
    2 posts
    24 November 2021

    From the age of 12 till I was 13 I was S/A and abused by my mother's BF until he was deported back to the USA because his visa ran out. I was so happy he was still in contact for while after he left, I hated pretending everything was fine and pretend that the things he would say over the phone was not horrible, but there was still the threat that he was coming back, but he stopped calling so I thought I was free & no one had to know what he did to me. Until I was 15 & my mother had found him on social media she told me she was thinking about getting in contact with him again told her NO but I had to tell her why. She told me that she believed me we cried, I had felt like I wasn't alone any more. the next day I went the police station to make a report. After this day the police collected evidence & statements the relationship between my self & my mother declined. I couldn't understand why but she seemed to be mad at me one day a thought popped into my head "I don't think she believes me, but she is my mother she knows I would never lie about this. Right?" For about the next 3 years every few months I would get a phone call from the police checking if I wanted to continue with the case I would always say "YES" they would say ok then end of the call. It's would destroy my mental health every time but I wanted justice so I kept saying yes. But eventually the polices stopped calling. Years go by I found out my mother was telling people what happened to me & that she didn't believe me. Then last year an officer had come across my case & so the officer called me, told me that if it was OK with me he wanted to continue with the case & that he had already contact with the FBI they had enough evidence and information to extradite 'HIM' back to Aus & charge 'HIM'. This was ment with a lot of feelings but I said yes. But we are still in the middle of a pandemic so it keeps getting pushed back and now I'm stuck in limbo waiting for international travel to open so I can go to court now I'm stuck here feeling like it's never going to happen,

    if/when It does what will happen what will court be like?

    Will I make it through the whole process?

    When I testify should ask for him to be removed?

    What happens if HE is found not guilty or if HE is found guilty how will I deal with the fact that he is back in Aus.

    flash backs are getting worse, I can't sleep at night, most days. I try & tell people that I'm not ok but they just don't understand how bad it is getting for me.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6164 posts
    24 November 2021 in reply to Luna_Light
    Hey Luna_Light,

    Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for sharing your story here with us today. 

    We're so sorry to hear of the abuse you've experienced from your mother's previous partner. We can't imagine how awful and overwhelming this experience was and continues to be in your life. We hope you feel proud of yourself for being able to share these experiences and for continuing to fight for justice, even though we can hear that this has not been an easy path to take. Please know our community is a safe place for you to share these feelings and we hope we can help ease some of your anxiety and fear about moving forward with your court case. 

    We'd also recommend you get in contact with the Blue Knot Helpline. Blue Knot is the National Centre of Excellence for Complex Trauma, they advocate for and provide support to people who have experiences of complex trauma. You can call the Blue Knot Helpline and Redress Support Service on 1300 657 380 and a specialised trauma counsellor will be there to listen and support you.

    Thanks again for reaching out as we know that it can be really tough to do this for the first time. We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer. 
  3. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Summer Rose avatar
    1623 posts
    24 November 2021 in reply to Luna_Light

    Hi Luna Light

    Welcome to the bb forum. I know it took a lot of courage for you to tell your story and I want you to know straight up that I hear you and believe you.

    I am so sorry that you were abused by your mother’s boyfriend. No child should ever have to suffer through what you have endured. Please know and believe that this was not your fault.

    You were very brave to disclose to your mother and to file a police report. I am sorry that it has taken so long and been so challenging for you to arrive at the cusp of going to court.

    It says so much about your strength and character that you have persevered, particularly as along the way you’ve heard that your mother has said some hurtful things. I’m wondering who shared that information with you and if you’re sure it’s true? No pressure to answer here but maybe something to consider, just in case there’s been a misunderstanding of some kind.

    I have been to court twice, both times a witness. It’s a very formal environment with a lot of unique rules and procedures. But the people I met in the justice system were helpful and explained things to me. As the victim of a crime I would expect that you would receive a lot of support.

    It would probably help for you to talk with someone who has direct experience. I only wish I had more information to share. I really just wanted you to know that someone cares and is here to listen and support you.

    Kind thoughts to you

  4. Luna_Light
    Luna_Light avatar
    2 posts
    25 November 2021 in reply to Summer Rose
    Unfortunately the friend was a first to tell me but she wasn't the only person. And when the case was reopened my mother confirmed it when she said "I'm sorry I didn't believe you were at that age so you know."
  5. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Summer Rose avatar
    1623 posts
    25 November 2021 in reply to Luna_Light

    Hi again

    I’m sorry that your mother hurt you. There’s really no excuse.

    I am, however, very glad that you believed in yourself and that the police believe you.

    I’m wondering if you have any professional mental health support, given all that you have on your plate. It could really help you to better deal with the flashbacks and insomnia. And help to ensure that you are at your best when it comes time to go to court.

    How do you feel about speaking with a professional mental health practitioner?

    Kind thoughts to you

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