I first want to say how brave I think you are, you've gone through so much and reaching out is so hard. I understand what you mean with being afraid to seek treatment. I felt for a long time that I wasn't worth "fixing" and then afraid of the time I'd wasted by not doing it sooner. What I found helps is thinking of other people in my situation, how I'd feel about them seeking help, would I think that was a waste of time? Absolutely not, so I apply that to me too.
And worrying about time wasted, we can't change the past which I guess is what this treatment is all about, healing from our past. I take strength in knowing helping myself will improve the lives of those around me.
I got diagnosed with C-PTSD and started seeing a psychologist about two years ago and it's one of the best things I've done. My history was like yours in some ways (childhood and multiple abusers at different times).
I hope you seek medical help as it's improved my life immensely and I don't want anyone to feel the way we do.
I began keeping journals so that I could write it 'out' of my head, and bring it into the light of day
I've been doing this with my psychologist, timelining, and it's helped so much. I could remember all these traumatic events but not the order, it was just a chaotic blur in my mind. It's been much easier to process and work through since. It's very difficult though.
Sorry for any formatting issues, I haven't used a forum in a few years and I'm using my phone. Take care.