I don’t know how to talk about this nor where to start.

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at the beginning of the year. It took 23 years. I feel hurt and angry that my happiness was stripped of my at such a young age before I had any idea.

2 years ago I dated a guy, and at first he was wonderful, I’d never felt so alive. But of course as it went on things got darker. Constant mental abuse alongside physical, I don’t know who to talk to about it nor how. It’s fed my BPD. 

I have a lot of empathy, too much. He was severely schizophrenic, he was also on drugs at the end which I had helped him to get off. but he had been up for almost a week, on methamphetamines. he was 20 at the time, I was 21.

He is currently in jail for something else and is currently about to face about 4 years minimum. But being sober and medicated, I picked up a call from him, he sounded.. happy? So much healthier. I also received a letter off him saying he has not been able to love since me. I don’t know how to feel, as I I don’t know if I’ll ever lose what I had for him despite everything.

 

Hi, welcome

Love is full of emotion and little logic.

I had a car once that I loved, a yellow sports car I wanted to restore. It's engine stopped running, needed brakes and tyres. In the end I realised I continued to love the car as I loved yellow and the dream of it being driven down the road. Sense prevailed, sold it and bought another one that treated me better.

Perhaps you feel glimpses of happiness from him hoping you can one day be happy but in reality it is a long shot and not realistic.

Good luck.

TonyWK