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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / c-ptsd and handling any backlash after a delay in holding people accountable

Topic: c-ptsd and handling any backlash after a delay in holding people accountable

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. pothos
    pothos avatar
    1 posts
    13 February 2021

    Has anyone had experience dealing with fall out after finally holding people accountable for their actions?

    I grew up being emotionally abused by a sociopathic substance dependent violent father and mother who refused to leave or hold him accountable. I've been estranged from my family for 5 years now after finally severing ties. Things were never going to change (I'm now 33).

    I knew it had messed me up but I found ways of getting on with life.

    6 months ago a friends boyfriend indecently assaulted me at their house after a party. I froze. It was interrupted by another friend. I broke down after this. My friend did not leave her partner but stuck with him. My other friend who walked in on it happening told me they didn't want to be involved and go to go therapy. She'd known the assaulter for a decade and this hasn't happened before.... That he was drunk/high

    Scared to lose friends I pushed down all the hurt and abandonment and went to therapy. 6 months later I'm healing and realising I'm in a co-dependent friendship with a narcissist ... The one of who interrupted my assault but didn't want to get involved.

    I want these people out of my life. I am trying to prepare myself for the potential response from people.... Why didn't you say something? Why would you stay friends with these people including your assaulter? Etc.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10935 posts
    13 February 2021 in reply to pothos

    Dear Pothos~

    Welcome here to the Forum, I'm glad you came as you are wrestling with a problem many have.

    First I'm sorry that you had parents who did not care about you -particularly your mother not taking your side. True it would have been very frightening and difficult, but love for you would have made it happen.

    When one parent abuses you and another abandons you emotionally it can leave you wondering what you have to do to be loved -and as a result will put up with much to have what you beleive are friendships.

    You went with a bunch of so called freinds, one who assaulted you, and others who did not care enough to take a stand with you, but you stayed with them, wanting that friendship maybe more than ever

    It has taken time and therapy for you to realise that care and true friendship was never there.

    Humans are not born with all the answers to every situation, and when friends let you down it can be a surprisingly long time before you gain enough perspective to realise that they were not realy freinds at all -ever.

    I would imagine that is the point you are at now, knowing they did you harm and not wanting to be near them again. A sensible move

    There are many who are caring, steadfast and brave enough to stand by a person. I have been blessed to find two -or they have found me. I hope you can people like them wihtout the heartbreak you have had to suffer to find out the truth in the past.

    You know you can talk here anytime and will be greeted with understanding and care.

    Croix

    2 people found this helpful
  3. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2702 posts
    14 February 2021 in reply to pothos

    Hi pothos

    My heart goes out to you as you face the thoughtless and deeply painful actions of others. I feel for you so very much and admire you so deeply for so many reasons.

    I'm so glad you found a therapist who was able to raise you to a greater sense of consciousness, self esteem and sense of direction. It's a gift when we come across someone who can raise us in such powerful mind altering ways. Raising our own self can be so confusing and thoroughly exhausting at times that it's a relief when someone shows up in our life to speed up the process and shed much needed light on it, especially when the challenges are so complex and overwhelming.

    Those who dare question the reasons for ending the 'friendships', I would question them. While you show incredible effort in coming to understand yourself, others will feel more comfortable letting themselves off the hook, regarding self questioning:

    (Questions for others)

    • Do you understand why you are so dismissive and unsupportive of me?
    • Do you understand what it has taken me to get through the deeply painful emotional challenges I've faced, to finally reach this point of greater self esteem?
    • Do you understand the level of disrespect you show me?
    • Do you understand why you don't question your self to the degree that you should?

    Just a handful of many questions.

    It's amazing how mind altering greater self esteem can be. It's amazing how much clarity it can provide.

    There is a brilliant book, in my opinion, called 'Six Pillars of Self-esteem', by Nathaniel Branden. All 6, when practiced regularly can be mind altering and life changing: The practice of living consciously, self acceptance, self responsibility, self assertiveness, living purposefully and personal integrity. I know, easier said than done, regularly practicing such things but I believe you are off to a great start. You have taken responsibility in raising yourself, your consciousness, and accepting yourself as someone who deserves better. You're integrating your moral principals into your life, to set boundaries/guidelines for your self and others, which reflects personal integrity. You're asserting yourself in reaching life changing goals, something that demands respect. And while I believe our ultimate purpose for being here comes down to raising our self and others, we may often face those who refuse to be raised, those who choose a lack of responsibility and consciousness. Do not let their choices lead you to self doubt.

    You are a powerful person :)

    1 person found this helpful

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