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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / Dealing with trauma

Topic: Dealing with trauma

12 posts, 0 answered
  1. NadineT
    NadineT avatar
    7 posts
    29 June 2020
    Hi.
    I'm in need of huge help...
    I had a bad relationship a few years back and I just can't get past it.
    I have tried to ask for help but I keep getting palmed off.
    I feel like this has broken me again and I don't know what's to do.
  2. uncut_gems
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    uncut_gems avatar
    273 posts
    30 June 2020 in reply to NadineT

    Hi NadineT,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling to get over this relationship, and that you have been frustrated in not finding enough help. Do you mind my asking if you are referring to professional help from a mental health practitioner, or from family and friends? Either way, you will never be palmed off here as we are here only to listen and help.

    Would you care to share some more of what's on your mind and maybe a bit more about the relationship if you feel comfortable? I see that you've posted on the forums a few times before so hopefully you already know that this is a safe, supportive, and judgment-free space.

    Warmly,

    Gems

    1 person found this helpful
  3. NadineT
    NadineT avatar
    7 posts
    30 June 2020 in reply to uncut_gems
    Hi Gems,
    I have tried to ask for help from family and online and just keep getting forwarded onto someone else, then someone else. I talked to my mum about it to begin with and she went straight to the cops which was one thing I asked her not to do.
    I was in a manipulative relationship and he sexually assaulted me countless times. The police got involved and they pretty well much said it's my fault for going back to him every night. I just kept trying to convince myself that maybe this time he won't do anything. Being held down against your will... words just can't describe.
    I keep feeling like it will happen again with any relationship and I'm petrified of getting close to anyone.
    I'm just stuck in this low 'mood' and I can't crawl myself out of it.
  4. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    3123 posts
    30 June 2020 in reply to NadineT
    Hi NadineT,
    We are sorry to hear about your experience in a difficult relationship and the struggles with getting support. We think you are such a strong person - we understand that this experience would have been very traumatic.  We can hear how much of an impact this has had on your life. We would urge you to contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to people who have been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/
    We would recommend that you do seek professional support to talk through this experience. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, you are also welcome to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

    We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums. Feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.
    2 people found this helpful
  5. NadineT
    NadineT avatar
    7 posts
    30 June 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Hi Sophie_M
    With all due respect, I have reached out to Respect and they sent me to another website, who then forward me onto another website. I have kind of had enough trying to reach out and seek help. I don't know what I was expecting to get here either. I'm sorry for wasting all of your time, but I'm d
  6. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    1609 posts
    30 June 2020 in reply to NadineT

    Dear NadineT

    It's TOTALLY frustrating to need help desperately and not seem to get anywhere asking for it. I'm so sorry that's been your experience, I hope it changes tonight!

    You haven't wasted anyone's time at all. It's clear you need help and help you will get asap.

    Getting help AND getting better is a journey but you can do it.
    You left the abusive relationship so WELL DONE, what a major step you took.

    You can phone Uniting and see a Counsellor who specialises in DV. You can phone them up yourself and they charge on a sliding scale upon your wages or sometimes can get a grant for free sessions. They do this. You don't have to.

    All you have to do is phone up and the Head Psychologist will phone you back for an "intake call" where you tell them as much of your story as you can and they select a Counsellor for you. Then you book in.

    It's easy.

    If you attend for a while and feel you need more intensive therapy then pop back and the next step can be explained.

    You are doing so well. Your mum loves you and was only trying to save her little girl. You are WORTH helping and I'm so glad you came to BB.

    Please pop back and let us know how you're doing.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    3123 posts
    30 June 2020 in reply to NadineT
    Dear NadineT,

    You have come such a long way and it takes a lot of courage to leave an abusive relationship. It is never your fault in going back. We are really sorry to hear about your experience with support services. We're here to provide as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
     
    In the meantime, our support service is trying to contact you via email as we are concerned about you.

    Please keep checking in and letting us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.
    1 person found this helpful
  8. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Sleepy21 avatar
    1309 posts
    1 July 2020

    Hey Nadine

    I don't know what to say to make it better - it's so painful and it can be really scary to feel like any relationship could be the same - people are hard to judge.
    Just one thing I've learnt from my experince of being abused and then going back is that it took me years to even begin to understand that it wasn't my fault.
    Then it worked together, placing the blame mentally on the person for their actions and choices, and learning to love and cherish myself, and not hate myself for antyhing I chose. I still struggle with this every day.

    I am sorry you are going through this and that sounds frustrating that the help line didn't do much other than offer referalls.

    Did you know that if you call 1800 Respect you can ask the person who answers to put you through to a Specialistic Counsellor? you proabbly have tried this bt just in case you didn't, they may be a little more empathetic and experienced. Just ask the person who answers to transfer you. I am sorry it's so hard for you now, you've gone through so much.

    3 people found this helpful
  9. InhaleExhale
    Student Mentor
    • Masters of Psychology student on placement
    InhaleExhale avatar
    54 posts
    1 July 2020 in reply to NadineT

    Hi NadineT,

    Just thought I’d chime in and try to offer some support. I’m sorry you keep getting palmed off when it is so difficult to ask for help in the first place and that the police made you feel like it’s your fault. It’s not your fault.

    If you would like to tell us a bit more about yourself, please do. We’d love to hear from you.

    InhaleExhale.

    2 people found this helpful
  10. NadineT
    NadineT avatar
    7 posts
    1 July 2020 in reply to ecomama
    Hi Em,
    Thank you for your response, appreciate it. I will try your options.
    1 person found this helpful
  11. NadineT
    NadineT avatar
    7 posts
    1 July 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Hi Sleepy21,

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been through something similar.
    I do blame him for his actions and his inability to accept the fact that it's so wrong. Apart of me feels responsible for his future partners, I wanted to let his parents know why I had to leave him but just couldn't bring myself to do it.
    You sound so strong inside, I wish I had a bit of that. I hope your pain is less everyday.
    1 person found this helpful
  12. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Sleepy21 avatar
    1309 posts
    2 July 2020

    Hi Nadine,
    Thanks for your empathy -

    You are trying to find closure and put right what was wrong, i so understand you. I'm really sorry for what you went through from this person.

    I went through it for many years before I got help....I think you have strength, too.
    I was really touched that you said that about me, was almost crying!

    thank you

    1 person found this helpful

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