Last year I fell in love with a boy, I had never met him, though we shared a mutual friend. He lived in a city 3 hours from me. I got his snapchat from my friend and we started talking instantly. He was everything I was looking for. Because of our distance and neither of us having a license we could only develop our relationship online. We would text, call and FaceTime constantly. After about 6 months of talking to him, I thought it might be the time to finally meet him.
We got our parents to agree and next thing I knew, he was staying for a week in the school holidays. The first day he came down, everything went perfectly. It was like being in a romantic movie, we held hands and went on a cute date, i was in love. Then the second night come around, and everything went down the drain. Me and this boy were drinking. We had decided to call it a night, both of us being highly intoxicated, thought bed was a good idea.
We got into bed and he asked if I wanted to have sex. I thought about it for at least 10 minutes, being drunk I was weighing my options of whether this was a good idea or not. I finally agree and from the moment everything was terrifying. I was scared. About 5 mins in, I told him to stop and he didn’t listen. Eventually, he stopped of his own choice and I made an excuse to stay in a seperate room.
This happened September last year. Ever since then, everything has gotten worse. I started having severe anxiety attacks, out of no where, nothing triggering me. I have lost a lot of weight, I eat once a day, I have lost interest in everything. I lost my job. I sleep all day, and stay up all night, either thinking or crying. I have these stages where I’m watching myself and I have no control over my actions. I often take drugs to get away from the real world. I need help and I’ve spoke to to sexual help people and therapists and councillors and it doesn’t help. I come off worse. Doctors in my town just refer me to headspace, even when I explain it doesn’t help and I’ve tried. I know I’m mentally ill and it drives me i don’t know with what. I have more going on, but I’ve ran out of characters.