I am so very sorry you went through such an experience. I want to reassure you that you are among friends and very warm and understanding people. You reached out to the right place.
Some situations we experience are of such dark nature that our brains push them to the very back of our memories. It works like a survival instinct because at the time the experience might be too traumatic to deal with. We might not have the strength or be ready to venture this dark avenue.
One of the worst ones are those that had been inflicted on us by others but in such skilful ways that they leave us thinking it was our fault, “we asked for it”, “we made them do it”, igniting enormous amount of shame, guilt, confusion etc
I truly hope that all of us here have managed to reassure you that nothing of what had happened was your fault. It was not your fault and you weren’t given any chance to consent or not.
It’s been ten years since this assault on your body had happened. Your body has healed but your soul probably not. You are a very brave person to try to face it now. Maybe somehow you know that the time has come. It might be that you needed all these years to gain and build that strength. It might be that it happened totally unexpectedly.