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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / Is It My Fault?

Topic: Is It My Fault?

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. kiwi//pigeon
    kiwi//pigeon avatar
    2 posts
    6 August 2020

    Hello. I'm new here. I'm not quite sure if this is the right place to put it or not, but I've been hurt. more than once. It still scares me every time their name is brought up.

    It's about my Uncle, more specifically, my Great Uncle. On multiple occasions, they have touched me in places I did not want to be touched, and it made me uncomfortable. They have shown me things I did not want to see, and I haven't told anyone. I have only told a few of my very close friends. I'm scared that if I tell my mum, she will be angry that I didn't say anything sooner, as these things happened when I was around 7. I do not want anything bad to happen, as I usually blame myself for a lot of things, and overthink simple situations. I am also scared I will be called an attention seeker. I won't go into detail about what has happened, as I don't wish to trigger anybody. I don't think there's anything else I can say, so I'm stopping here. Thank you, if you did happen to read this.

    Again, Thank you.

  2. Aaronsis
    Champion Alumni
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    Aaronsis avatar
    2463 posts
    6 August 2020 in reply to kiwi//pigeon

    Hello kiwi//pigeon

    You are so very brave to come forward and to "tell" someone of what has happened to you, I want to say how desperately sorry I am that you have been violated, that someone has exposed you to behavior that is not wanted and not acceptable and mostly not appropriate.

    Can I say from a mum's point of view you are very right, you mum will be probably very angry, but not at you kiwi//pigeon, at your Great Uncle. I think that it is important for you to tell her and try not to run the scenarios through your head as to how she will react, I know this is hard but we really never know, but it is so very important that you do tell her. There are a few ways to do that, you can write her a note, you can even show her this post if you find talking to hard, but I as a mother would want to know, to be able to support my child and to the together discuss what needs to happen next.

    I feel like some professional support would be very good too so that you can get some help to manage the thoughts and to be able to talk and to have some support to help you through this process. The longer that this sits with you unattended the potential it has to turn into something quite nasty and you do not deserve this in the first place let alone it manifesting inside you and getting worse and impacting more of your precious life that it already has.

    If your mother does not believe you or you find her not supportive, you keep going, to another person whom you trust, to another adult, you keep speaking until you find your person who will help you through this. Regardless of what happens to the Great Uncle, you need to get some help and you need to be able to live a happy life without this pain.

    I am so proud you reached out to us today and I hope that you feel support and comfort here, we are here with you to sit with you, to listen and to help you work though this journey to getting back to being a healthy and happy person.

    Kids Helpline also have a webchat service and I understand that it is quite busy at this time so there may be a small wait time, but please persist as they are son wonderful, I will put the link here:

    https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

    To answer your question......NO...NO..NO...this is not your fault, this is not your fault, this is not your fault.

    We are here for you.

    Hugs

    Sarah

  3. Helen72
    Helen72 avatar
    65 posts
    6 August 2020 in reply to kiwi//pigeon

    Hi kiwi//pidgeon,

    It is most definitely not your fault! Your great uncle is awful, selfish, immoral and a @#!!! It's going to be scary but you made a good first step by posting.

    Some people take multiple decades to say anything, some never say anything so don't don't feel bad it took you until recently. And some people's reactions may be less than helpful unfortunately.

    Please continue to talk about it - it is a major breach of trust and staying silent will affect you.

    Please ring Kids Helpline or 1800 Respect.

    Helen

  4. kiwi//pigeon
    kiwi//pigeon avatar
    2 posts
    8 August 2020

    Hello again.

    I have been avoiding looking at this, as I was terrified of the responses I might or might not get. But, I am glad I came back. Thank you, Helen and Sarah. What you have said are things I really needed to hear. For a while, I have been waiting for the right time to tell my family, and thanks to you, it might come sooner than I think. Again, thank you. I cannot explain how happy I am to receive support, even if it is not from people I personally know.

    Kiwi

    2 people found this helpful
  5. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16229 posts
    9 August 2020 in reply to kiwi//pigeon

    Hello Kiwi, I'm pleased you have come back and no one here is ever going to blame or criticise you in any extent, we are here to listen and then offer our help and/or suggestions, so please feel very much welcomed.

    A secret like this you have been suffering from for a long time, that's certainly not fair on you to develop new communication and an connection with people you want to be friends with, because it's at the back of your mind.

    As a parent myself I would only hope that if this happened to my sons, they would approach my wife and/or myself straight away, this is when we have to protect our kids as it's our right to do so, no questions at all.

    This person needs to be stopped by the arm of the law and to do this then your parents would be such an invaluable asset to protect you from what you don't know or might be scared to follow through with.

    You can never put any blame on yourself, because an older person, related or not, has taken advantage of a minor, and that's totally against the law.

    Please feel comfortable to come back to us, we are all behind you.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

  6. White Rose
    Champion Alumni
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    9 August 2020 in reply to kiwi//pigeon

    Dear Kiwi

    Hello and welcome to the forum. My heart breaks for you because you have been so cruelly treated. How can it possibly be your fault? A seven year old has every right to feel loved and protected but instead you have been abused in the most dreadful way.

    The other posters talk about how they would feel if any of their children were harmed in this fashion and I most definitely agree with them. I would be horrified to learn any of my children had suffered like this and more so because you have carried this burden on your own. Please tell your mother or someone else in the family. Talking about it in a place where you feel safe is important. Perhaps you can ask mom to talk one day. Print off your first post and give it to her to read. The questions and answers will come from there.

    I know it will be hard to do this and I wish I could be there to hold your hand. Please think of this community as being with you to help you make the first step. Once this is done you will get some help and I hope your life will start to get better. Please do not be upset if your mom finds it difficult to fully understand what you are saying as I am sure it will comes as a huge shock. She may want to be sure this actually happened as this sort of thing is so horrible we do not want anyone we love to go through such an experience.

    Give her time to absorb this. Such violation will be difficult for mom to grasp because we do not expect others to harm our children. Be patient.

    Come and post here as much as you wish. We are always here.

    Mary

  7. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4567 posts
    11 August 2020 in reply to kiwi//pigeon

    Dearest kiwi//pigeon

    Thankyou for being SO BRAVE and coming here to tell us what's gone on. I am very very VERY proud of you for sharing.

    No one should EVER have done this to a child or ANY BODY.

    What happened was NEVER YOUR FAULT.

    I really want you to hear this and feel this.

    You know this is true deep in your heart. You know adults should never do this to children.
    You also know that you would NEVER blame a child.

    Please don't take the blame. Biggest hugs.

    I'm not sure how old you (and you don't have to tell us either) but if you are under 18yo you can call Kid's Helpline anonymously or you can call 1800RESPECT at any age.

    You can hide your number if you're scared.
    You don't have to tell anyone your name if you're scared...

    but these numbers are there to help you and support you.

    I have children that disclosed similar awful things all in one year. The harm was from family members too.
    I BELIEVED my children entirely.
    Not for one nano second would I NOT believe my children.

    I'm so glad my children told me!

    Now that I know I can support them so much better. SO many things make sense now.
    Ofcourse I blamed myself too, felt in some way "responsible" for what happened, felt "guilt" too... but the perpetrators of such crimes never feel these ways.

    It's not our burden to bare.

    Sending lots of compassion, love and healing for your journey.
    Please let us know how you're going.

    Love EM

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