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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / life transitions!

Topic: life transitions!

  1. Flower Earth angel
    Flower Earth angel avatar
    43 posts
    1 December 2021

    i cant cope with the changes in my life

    ptsd/disabitlies/ emotional dysregulation/ sensory ear disorder

    depression

    i cant let go of my cat to be buried

    i live alone and not ready to invite a random ndis worker in my home to help me to decide waht to do

    any suggestions

    goodnight

  2. Summer Rose
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    2 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    Please accept my condolences on the loss of your cat. I know the pain of losing a beloved pet and it’s awful. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, particularly at this time of year.

    When you are ready, if I was in your shoes, I would plan to deal with the remains as soon as possible.

    One option is bury your cat. I’m wondering how you would feel about that? Perhaps in your garden and you could set up a memorial? You don’t have to ask a random ndis worker to help, perhaps a family member, neighbour or friend could assist?

    If not, you could speak with your vet about cremation.

    I know this is really hard, but I’m here to offer support as much as is helpful to you.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    2 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    hi summer rose.

    i know my options

    i think i need to prcess the grief first thats what would work

    i believe i am resposnisble for his early death and i dont know how to process it

    well me and the negligence of the supports who were supposed to help me

    so i have more time to look after my cat

    i dont have anyone close i could bury him and i rent is that allowed i dont want to move and his here

    i know there are cemeteries

    im so sick of the bad luck in my life since i was 23 im 38 i can never get a break

    god bless you summer rose

  4. Summer Rose
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    2 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    Yes, of course, you need to process your feelings. Grief is a process, so please give yourself time and be kind to yourself as you work through it.

    Please try not to judge yourself harshly. It sounds like it was a complex situation and I’m sure you did your best to look after your cat.

    Life can be really hard sometimes and it’s harder for some than others. I’m sorry that it’s so unfair.

    Do you want to talk about your pet? What was your cat’s name?

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    2 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    chatting to lifeline now

    no i dont

    my ptsd is bad

    in christian love

    christine

    thankyou

  6. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    3 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel
    GOsh i dont understand how people process grief
  7. Summer Rose
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    3 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    I have lost many people and animals who I have loved dearly through my almost 60 years on our planet. Each experience has been different—some an unbearable shock, some expected, some a horrible tragedy and others a blessing in disguise. What is common is the pain of grief, which is unfortunately unavoidable.

    Sometimes I have found I just need to sit with my grief and cry. Sometimes I have put a limit on how long I will think about my loss each day and then force myself to push on. Sometimes I need to take considerable time to reflect.

    Talking about the loss is helpful to me. So is writing. I also find placing photos of those I have lost around my home to be really helpful. Sometimes I talk to the loved one I have lost. I don’t know why but I find it comforting.

    There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You will find what works for you over time. Be kind to yourself.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    3 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    thanku

    i am familiar with grief but in a different form thru narcissitc abuse i lost my self so i have been grieving the effectgs of doemstic violence for years

    i already do thigns u mentioned even for my pet but it doesnt work so i will stop

    i think i need to move the space has to many memories

    and the neighbours here really made my life and my cats life hard and

    i am in the BLAME and anger phase........................

  9. Summer Rose
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    3 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    You do you, blame and anger it is then. But please be open to change when it feels right to you.

    I’m sorry you had to endure domestic abuse. You are a clearly survivor. I really wish life hadn’t been so hard for you.

    I hope you are proud of yourself for getting free. For working to find yourself. For taking back your life. I applaud your courage.

    A fresh start sounds like a good idea. Any idea where you’d like to go?

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    4 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    yes anger and blame

    and injustice

  11. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    4 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    im proud i posted in the suicide group

    thats took me 6 years to do

  12. Flower Earth angel
    Flower Earth angel avatar
    43 posts
    4 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    oh they deleted the post said i had this post here and it was too similar

    i may need to delete this post

    :/

  13. Summer Rose
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    4 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    If you need to delete this post, I understand.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    5 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    its ok i guess

    i didn tknow u cant post in two groups

    can i ask what ur thoughts are about getting a kitten this time not adult cat taht looks like him

    or i am thinking foster caring is probably better for my circumstances

    but not now i mean in the future

    i cried for hours last night remebering moments and ill be hoesnt it felt worst letting it out

    and my ear disorder and ptsd got worse

  15. Summer Rose
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    5 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    Sounds like it’s really rough right now. Hugs to you.

    Does talking to lifeline help? Please don’t hesitate to ring them if you need support or 000 in an emergency.

    I hope you are able to at least sleep. A good night’s sleep would be really helpful right now.

    Kittens are totally gorgeous but a lot of work and an enormous commitment. I like the idea of fostering a cat —at least until you’re feeling a bit better.

    After my last dog died it took me a year to be ready to get another. But so glad I did.

    Hang in there.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    6 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    i had him 1.5 years nearly

    but it felt like the whole 12.5 years

    i did some research and it said cats live 12-15 years i think i didnt realise this and thought 19 but that is very rare and depedns on the breed.

    i had a cry now but it felt needed i also realised i have videos of him and that made me feel safe

    im sure my ptsd will trigger more painful moments andi need to be careful who i open up to

    :)

  17. Summer Rose
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    7 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi

    I’m so happy that you found the videos and that it made you feel safe.

    I’m sure that you and your cat had many precious moments over the time you were together. I think it’s lovely that you could care for your pet in her/his later years. It would be so sad for any animal to be alone when old and vulnerable.

    Hope today was a better day for you :)

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    10 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    i got a grief counsellor for pets

    but she is triggering my disabitleis and ptsd

    need to work on blame and guilt

    god bless

  19. Summer Rose
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    10 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    I think it’s great that you found a grief counsellor. Perhaps if you gently provide the counsellor with some feedback it will become a more positive experience for you.

    I hear you with regard to blame and guilt. My advice is to let it go. I know that’s easier said than done but just keep working on it. You’ll get there.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    14 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    is it wrong to get another pet that looks similar to my old cat

    i think withmy existing mental health issues and other disabilties the blame and guilt will always be there

  21. Summer Rose
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    14 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    I don’t think there’s any right or wrong answer to your question. It all depends on how you feel.

    Do you think it could bring you comfort to have a similar looking cat? Would the familiarity help you?

    Or, do you think it would be painful? Would the new cat trigger memories of the unique cat you lost?

    If you think it would be comforting then it makes sense for you—really doesn’t matter what others may think.

    Is there another reason why you’re considering a similar looking cat?

    For what it’s worth …

    After my dog died I specifically wanted a dissimilar looking new dog. I didn’t want to be reminded of the dog I lost and I didn’t want to be “looking” for her in the new dog. Does that make sense?

    But that’s just me. And, to be honest, all animals have such unique personalities that I’m not sure it really mattered. My dog is the opposite of the dog I lost in appearance and personality.

    Are you thinking of a kitten?

    Kind thoughts to you

  22. Flower Earth angel
    Flower Earth angel avatar
    43 posts
    18 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    someone said when your ready to love another cat again u will get one

    but i cant love cos of trauma anywayy from ex

    im gonna be waiting centuries lol

    i jsut found cats to be so spiritual - like me :)

    one of the support workers FINALLY and im so greatful took him to be cremated

    but she found NO parking on the busy ROAD

    he is now at her place

    This cat just doesnt want to be cremated

    she said we can bury him there but i wish i could bury him here

    i have very nosy neighbours and they will tell the strata

    i think renters cant

    i really dont want cremation but if his buried at hers its gonn abe too far for me

    it was so nice hearing someone say to my face today you are a lovely and so thought ful person

    helped shift some of the blame and guilt energy in my head

  23. Summer Rose
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    19 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    I’m so glad that you’re getting some help from one of your support workers.

    Totally understand your concerns about burial at her home or yours. Such a shame she couldn’t get a parking spot at the crematorium! Perhaps she could try again?

    I’m really sorry about the bad experience you had with your ex. I think it takes a long time to recover from trauma, so please don’t give up on being able to love again. Take all the time you need to heal and see what evolves.

    My life has had so many unexpected twists and turns that I have vowed never to say never. It’s a journey.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    20 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    i booked the psychologist today its in 20 minutes

    then the grief counsellor

    tmrw is teh truamaa counsellor

    next year it will be just me and the bible

    thankyou so much for all your help my friend

  25. Summer Rose
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    20 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Hi Flower Earth Angel

    You are doing an amazing job organising support. I know how hard it is to pick yourself up and start the process. Well done to you.

    I really hope the appointments go well and I’ll be thinking of you.

    I am so grateful for the opportunity to “talk” with you. And I am so glad that our communication has been helpful to you, too!

    Post any time.

    Kind thoughts to you

  26. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    22 December 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    h eis getting buried today

    May he rest in Peace

  27. Summer Rose
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    22 December 2021 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Amen.

    I hope this will bring you some peace of mind.

    How did you go with the psychologist? Are you feeling any better?

    Kind thoughts to you

  28. Flower Earth angel
    Flower Earth angel avatar
    43 posts
    5 January 2022 in reply to Summer Rose

    Happy new year

    havnt been on here in ages

    back to the bible

    psychologist isnt been helpful with the grief so i dont talk about it with her anymore

    the pet grief cousenllor is on the 11th but will prob just talk about the burial

    im still wating for the support worker to bury him my cat is with her

    we ordered some items so i can plant flowers over him

    i miss him alot today

    been looking at his pics a bit too much

    this isnt good for my ptsd and panic disorder

  29. Summer Rose
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    6 January 2022 in reply to Flower Earth angel

    Happy New Year to you, too!

    It was lovely to hear from you again, although I'm so sorry that you're struggling to process your grief and having such a tough time. I'm curious, why is the psychologist unhelpful? (you don't have to answer if you don't want to, no pressure) Do you want to try sharing more about how you feel here? I'm happy to listen and try to help.

    Grieving is a universal, yet highly personal experience. When I lost my dog I missed her like crazy for about a year. I kept expecting to see her every time I walked in the door or walked into a room. It just takes time to get used to the new situation, Flower Earth Angel. I promise you, it can get better.

    Your burial plans sound lovely. I really like the idea of planting flowers--such a lovely way to honour your cat. Are you dreading the burial or hoping to do it soon?

    We buried our dog under a tree on our property. My husband said a few words, my daughter made the headstone and we shared some of our favourite moments. It was difficult but I felt better after "the service". I felt like we had honoured our dog and family member in the right way and said proper goodbyes. For me, it was easier after the burial.

    You hang in there and post any time.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Flower Earth angel
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    43 posts
    12 January 2022 in reply to Summer Rose

    i live alone so im thinking if i should get another pet

    i also wanted to move cos my ptsd is really bad here with the neighbours

    i stopped talking to them all since my cats death

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