I am so sorry you had to give up hazel and am sorry that your son is really struggling.It is really being parent with are children this.Having no support from the father makes it harder.I am glad you rung lifeline and hope they had some advice that could help you.It really is so hard for you and my heart goes out to you with your struggles.

I am so sorry for how things are so difficult, & you have to make such difficult choices. I want to assure you, there is no hate from me, nor from anyone here , I would dare say. If someone does, they have absolutely no reason to.

I hope Life Line is of some help to you. & I think Sophie_M has other good advice, too.

All my best wishes for the new job.

Take care, & be kind to yourself. It was really great of you to take on Hazel the way you did.

mmMekitty

My son has calmed down a lot and has an appt with a psychologist next week.

Hazel was desexed today. When I left her there I cried the whole way home as she was so distressed. When I went to pick her her up she was totally out of it in the cage. When she heard me she cried. That was when I pulled myself together and realised I love her and I cannot put her through more disruption and fear. I told my son he was the reason I was vacillating and he has PROMISED me he will behave. I cannot let her go. I love her so much.

Thanks to you all for your lovely kind words and support. I am feeling so relieved as I did not ever want to let her go. It was all because of the overwhelming dramas my son has put me through.

I did ask the foster group if they could find a foster home for my son? Haha!

She is still quite out of it but is asleep on my son's bed! They love each other. I need to persist. For all our sakes.

xxx

I hope your son continues to be more settled. & I still hope (so happy you can keep Hazel), having Hazel will be a good influence on him, if he can appreciate how she will accept him & needs him too. I think, you can all be good for each other.

I wonder, would you consider having sessions with your son, together, to work on your relationship with him? I get the impression, it is very strained between you.& now he's nearly 18, he & you could (& probably should) negotiate a better relationship wip between you. Someone, like a psychologist may be able to help facilitate conversations with you, so it doesn't become shouting & arguing & blaming or anything like that. What do you think of my thoughts here.

Kindest regards,

mmMekitty

Hazel is fully recovered and back to her usual hilarious self! She is such a darling!

I will be speaking with my GP about getting some counselling for myself. I also really hope the sessions my son attends make a positive difference to him.

Thankyou for your support. xx

I have put a pic of darling Hazel as my profile pic; I hope it works! xx

Oh, lovely! (from what little I can see, even after much zooming - me not your photo, I'm sure), she does look very happy, with bright, intellengent eyes & I think I can just about feel her nose nudging me. 😺

mmMekitty.

Hazel looks so adorable

Darling Hazel is absolutely adorable! She is so cute, affectionate and funny! She does this hilarious thing where she opens her mouth then just sits there; looking very dopey! Also lots of zooming around in the back yard. I took her for her first proper outing today and she absolutely loved it. She needs a lot of training as has no recall and gets terribly excited when sees other dogs but I know I will get there! She is a total love. And yes; she does that nudging business if she thinks I am not paying her enough attention?

She had a porterhouse steak last night; stole it from the counter....who could blame her! :) She also loves sardines and tuna. She is living the high life.....minced chicken, steak, high quality all the way! That is what she deserves!

xx Thanks for loving her xx I certainly do! xxxxx

She spent yesterday at the vet as she somehow popped her stitches :( She is ok now. She is very very boisterous and she needs so much training and exercise. The organisation keep promising training etc but nothing is forthcoming. It is quite stressful. I honestly think she is better suited to a family who are energetic and have the motivation! I am still going through a lot of drama with my son and I am still floundering over what to do. The fact I love her is apparent. But I also have to look after myself and right now I feel 'got at' by her and my son. I spoke to the organisation and they again reiterated I am under no obligation of any kind. Of course if I decide to have her adopted out I will feel bad..I would feel bad if I asked for another foster carer for her. But if I cave in and adopt her I am going to be strung out as she has had no training and I start work next week. Son driving me insane. I think the writing is on the wall. Whatever happens she will be looked after and loved. Possibly not by me :( Of course I love her...that is not in question. My sanity is.

I feel yet again that no matter what I do it always mucks up. I think I have to stop doing things for everyone and everything else and concentrate on me. I have gained so much weight. I have lost all care factor. Everyday is a drama with son and her to be honest. No peace in this house!

So I will take care of her until her wound is healed and I will still love her! But she will be going to another carer or being adopted out. I will lose my mind if I don't get some peace and quiet and time to myself. Call me selfish...it has to be this way.

Hi Panicmerchant,

You are not selfish at all, you sound like you actually have a huge heart! You care for everyone around you and you are giving your all. I am so glad to hear though that you are considering counselling for yourself, I think we often don't realise when our own cup is empty and it makes it so hard to help others. I really want you to look after yourself, you give so much.

When I was reading your posts it is apparent to me all the wonderful and good things you do! For myself it can be so easy to be self-critical but what I find is that it is really important to re-frame things. Rather than what I think I have done wrong or 'failed' I think about how I have actually done right. You have loved Hazel from the beginning and have set her up for an amazing future with whomever she ends up with. You have done this right. You are a good person!

Well my darling foster dog is now in a pet retreat having intensive training.

She is happy as and loves it there.

I am now grieving again for my beloved. Having the foster dog was crazy and relentless. Whatever...I miss my beloved so so much and I know I will miss her forever. She really was the greatest dog ever. :(

I am really upset. I received a very rude text from the owner of the organisation where I fostered Hazel from. She stated that she 'believed I had an issue with her and would prefer I call to discuss rather than talk to other people about her'?!

I am assuming this came about from a discussion I had with the pet retreat around the lack of communication, help and support I received for Hazel. I never once said anything derogatory. I only spoke the truth. I guess the people at the retreat are gossip mongers and had to blow it out of proportion. Again; so disillusioned with people! Especially people who claim to love dogs and that is all they are about. I think not. I think it is all about control.

Anyway that stung but I am over it. I know I said nothing horrible and if they are going to act in such an asinine fashion that is their problem.

Now that Hazel is safe and happy elsewhere the loss of my beloved has hit me like a freight train. I guess the last four weeks with H were so nuts that I did not have time to think about her. Now H is gone...omg it is bad.

I came home tonight from a very busy shift and the minute I got in the car I thought "I can't wait to see my darling beloved when I get home"...then of course realised she is not here anymore? I feel I am losing my marbles?

So now again I am crying and just wishing things had been different. I did not foster Hazel as a replacement by any means! That was never my intention. I guess I did do H a great turn as she is now vaccinated, chipped and desexed and she had a glorious time here. If the group had been honest from day one about how much work was needed with her training etc I would never have taken her on. But I am glad I did as I know I gave her a very lovely special time and she is now in good hands.

I guess I just want my beloved back. Nothing else. Just her. I hope and pray that another soul comes along as she did; when it is least expected and it turns out to be the love of one's life.

Thanks for reading.

Dear Panicmerchant,

We are really sorry about some of your experiences around this. I am glad you were able to hold the high ground for yourself.

We can hear though that grief is still really heavy upon you, and we just wanted to make sure you still have some support. We are really glad that so many of your peers are reaching out; please also remember we are here for you 24/7: 1300 22 4636.

We also might suggest Griefline, if you are feeling like more specific support. Please reach out to them here: www.griefline.org.au

In the meantime, thank you so much for continuing to be here with us on the forums. We are here if you need us!

Regards,

Sophie M.

Hi Panicmerchant and thankyou Sophie for your support

I feel your pain....My Chow/German Shepard rescue dog was euthanized in June last year. He was huge...60 kilos....Like yourself I miss him so so much

I had two vets here putting him to sleep in June 2021 as he was at the end of his journey. It was like yesterday

I am still just as heartbroken now....We understand the pain you are going through...and its awful

Please be gentle to yourself during this difficult time

my kindest

Paul

Thanks so much.

It has been a total debacle. I was so lost over my beloved and I thought I would use that love to help another dog. I got no support from them whatsoever and in fact had an extremely awful three weeks as I felt trapped with the poor girl they gave me.

To be told off via text is insufferable! I spent over $500 on Hazel. She destroyed a lot of my things. I had next to no sleep. Nothing they offered was forthcoming. Yet all I did was state my disappointed at the lack of comms etc. Then get sledged! No thanks for anything I did! Absolutely appalling.

I have a pattern in my life of helping people; a great deal. Never doing it with any expectations. Yet I have been used and abused over and over by so many people. I have looked after people's kids, spent money on them, loved them. Yet never get a thankyou for it. Same with dogs. I have done so much dogsitting for others to go on holidays etc.. they never leave enough food etc...I never even got a xmas card from the dogs owners last year when I had them for two weeks whilst beloved was unwell. I don't know what is wrong with me. I repeat this pattern and now I am done. I don't want to be bitter but I am . I pretty much hate everyone I have 'helped' as they have all used me up and abandoned me. I don't actually care as I really don't like most people anymore. I just wish I knew why this keep happening. Their actions make me feel invisible and that my only purpose in life is to be used up and spat out.

Having been this doormat since I was ten years of age I have no idea who I really am. My entire life revolves around my son now. Who is almost 18 with the maturity of a five year old. I cannot seem to escape!! I drink far too much and I don't even care about the repurcussions anymore. I just hate reality so much.....well the reality that I am stuck with him and get no help and basically have to do everything for him because he is so lazy, entitled, selfish and useless. Again...probably my fault for being too caring. Agh it sucks to be me.

One good thing is my new job. It is great. I work with a bunch of guys and it is basically stocking shelves...I do not care it is great for me. Gets me out of the house and I get to speak to other adults and receive some respect for a change. I can see why people become workaholics! I think I am an everythingaholic....I actually wonder if I have OCD. I will broach that on another forum.....!!!

Hello Panicmerchant, there is an online questionaire to indicat whether or not you do have OCD.

Geoff.

Dear Paul I am so sorry you too know what it is like. They are so special; so loved....it is beyond heartbreaking xx

Well.....serendipity being what it is and all.. I am buying a puppy tomorrow!! A wire haired Dachshund....totally adorable! I am so excited!

I was searching online the last few days and this morning they popped up! They are only a five minute drive away so I went and met them . I loved them all but the little boy was the standout for me!

I am keeping him a secret from everyone until he is here. Tomorrow I will go and buy all of his equipment then pick him up! He is pure bred and absolutely delightful! I haven't had a puppy since 1998! All of my darlings have been rescues. I searched and searched for rescues but couldn't find a good fit so then I upped the ante and found this guy! I am bursting at the seams but cannot let on until he is here....!

Dear Hazel is fine and is up for adoption with a more suitable family. I am so glad as I loved her but she was seriously hard work and with her size I just couldn't do it. This little guy will be trained properly from day one.

I will keep you updated!!! I have already named him but will keep that a surprise for now. Would be interesting to think what others would think a suitable name for him would be?!

Hi All

Update. After weeks of prevaricating.....one of the hounds I applied to adopt ended up with me! She had initially been adopted but something went wrong; I think the relationship broke down and they could no longer keep her. So I was next in line! She is a 9 year old American Bulldog. She is the most placid, well behaved and darling girl ever. It is almost as though the higher powers realised how tough things had been and arranged for her to come here!

She is white with toffee coloured splotches. She is totally adorable. A big marshmallow of a girl. Beautiful manners; I can take her absolutely anywhere and she loves everyone and everydog. She never pulls on the lead; she doesn't jump around or wreck things. She is so funny too! Does some hilarious things; like flinging her toy in the air and leaping after it...! The more we laugh the more she does it!

I thank whatever made this happen. She has made me feel like living again. She did not have a great life and I am so glad I ended up with her. She is now being treated like the queen she is! I am totally in love with her.

My son adores her also; in fact everyone adores her. She is the bestest pooch in the World!

That's great news to hear and great to hear your son adores her.I hope it all works out for you.The know she has come to a great home with you.

Aw Panicmerchant thank you so much for updating us. It made me so happy to read that you were happy and doing well. It sounds like this beautiful new dog is living such a happy life now!