Hi,

I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and its been something that I've been struggling with for a while. Back in November 2019, i was sexually assaulted which really rocked me. I was 17 at a party with my friends, i had a few drinks and got isolated with a guy who would't stop. This has left me questioning myself as a person, and to be honest, hate myself. I blame myself for what happened even though i know i shouldn't.

Currently, i'm struggling with dealing mechanisms. Self harm is something that i struggle with and I am now 18, and with that comes many responsibilities. I now have easy access to drugs and alcohol. A privilege which i am abusing and i'm struggling to stop. Not only have i been using that as a coping mechanism, i feel the need to validate myself, and i suppose i feel that I'm not worth anything much apart from a piece of meat for boys. This has lead to me doing things i wish i didnt which has further made me hate myself.

If im honest its getting to the stage where i dont know what to do anymore. I've tried so many things to stop. Please if you're reading this, dont ever do what i have done. It turns into a painful cycle. You're worth so much more.

I thought that possibly telling my story and opening up about where i am, someone else could feel less alone. Please just know that even though i cant see it right now, i know it has to get better. It has to. Please reach out for help because you're never alone, and if you're reading this i suppose that you're on the right track. You're worth it so keep fighting.

Hey heids02,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you so much for sharing your journey with us here. It was very brave of you to do so and we are so sorry to hear what you've been through and how much you are struggling right now. Please know that you are strong and you are valuable, and these forums are a safe, non-judgemental space to talk about your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here to help support you through this, and to offer as much conversation and advice as you need.

Our Support Service are also trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

We can hear that this is a really tough time for you and you're wanting to heal emotionally. We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to support to those who have been through trauma like this. You can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/

We would also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

If you would like to post further, please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this. We're all here for you.