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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / Narcissistic family

Topic: Narcissistic family

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Universling
    Universling avatar
    22 posts
    4 September 2020
    My mother has a destructive personality disorder. I had to spend my whole life protecting myself (estranging myself) from her controlling, manipulative, abuse. I have 2 children. My mother turned my oldest daughter when she was only 14 against me and I never saw her again. She is now 26 years old. My mother used a mental health diagnosis I got when I was a teenager, which happened to be a misdiagnosis but she held onto it so she could use it against me my whole life. She abused it to get authorities to take me away, to take my daughter away when she was only 8 years old. I have never lost custody of my children. Why is there no legal protection for victims of narcissistic abuse, I lost my daughter to a narcissistic mother and all my brother and sisters are narcissists too. My father married another narcissist who lied to him so he rejected me (he too is narcissistic). I only found out my family had narcissistic personality disorder through community health social work few years ago. I don't understand how my family can abuse me like this, turn my daughter against me so I never saw her ever again and just get away with this? Surely there is something somebody can do.
    2 people found this helpful
  2. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    5 September 2020 in reply to Universling

    Hi Universling

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss and family struggle, and that you had to protect yourself against people who are supposed to be able to depend on. Whilst I'm glad you got some clarity around your family's mental health history with a narcissistic personality disorder, I'm sure the effects it has on you and your children would be hard to endure.
    It seems like you could benefit from some professional help- firstly, to help you cope with the trauma of your daughter being turned against you, as you say. Some legal or at least social advocacy surrounding your mother's abuse might be very viable, too. I wonder if the community social health workers you mentioned here would be of any help? As they know your story, could they point you in the direction of the resources you need? I know you mentioned your father and siblings are not very supportive- do you have any supportive family, even extended family, or close friends, to reach out to for emotional help? What about the father of the children?

    You can also use this thread to articulate your story further, if you wish.

    Sending kindness,
    Tay100

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Universling
    Universling avatar
    22 posts
    5 September 2020 in reply to Tay100
    Thank you Tay, no I have no other family than my immediate. I have had a gypsy life since age 2 now I am 49 yrs. Was born oversease, grew up several countries and all around Australia went to 7 schools everywhere, never had close circle friends and definitely no family. My immediate family denied me any contact with my extended family overseas. Mental health workers have never suggested any help in seeking any justice regarding my family and other things, they have just been a supportive ear. Because I don't have any money, my family disadvantaged me so I was stuck on the poverty line long term, I can't afford a lawyer. If I could I would be entitled to a lot of compensation. My family had the system abuse me. They defamed my character in a country town where my daughter lives. Completely smeared me so everyone thinks I'm crazy. I was targeted at 22 by a dangerous group who had nothing to do with my family. They are not involved in a cult they are just narcissistic. I have a chronic autoimmune disease and chronic arthritis which isolates me even more now. I suffer from stress disorder.
  4. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    5 September 2020 in reply to Universling

    Hi there -

    that is very sad, and yes the system can sometimes allow narcissists to survive, power supports power, and its very tricky to get a voice. My mother has diagnosd me with almost every mental health disorder under the sun, which is a special kind of cruel, as no psychiatrist or doctor ever said I had any of those illnesses - yet she thinks she knows better. The only way I've found hope for myself is to get support from the public health system and public resources like Lifeline, Beyond Blue, and 1800 Respect. There is always someone who will believe you and care.

    There is also a mental health legal service which can provide free legal advice, if you ever need it. Stay strong.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Universling
    Universling avatar
    22 posts
    5 September 2020 in reply to Guest_1643
    Thanks for the helpful advice, really appreciate it.
  6. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    5 September 2020
    happy to listen anytime universling. I'm sorry you've experienced narcissitic abuse. Narcissists are, i'm told, among every profession and community. It is very sad that they wield power over others. I hope you are feeling okay, and can find support on these forums. We are here for you.
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Champagne
    Champagne avatar
    1 posts
    6 September 2020 in reply to Universling

    Hi Universling. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, and what you've been through.

    My mother is also a narcissist, and my story is very similar to yours in many ways. I have had to estrange myself from family and friends to protect myself from her, and because I'll have nothing to do with her, she won't let my father see me either. I'm so sorry to hear that she's turned your daughter against you. That is exactly the reason I chose to never have kids. I knew she would do that, and knew I wouldn't be able to cope with it.

    As far as why no-one can do anything about these people...Well, a lot of them are in jail for various reasons, but so many of them have such a good act (to anyone but their families), they get away with a lot, because people don't believe they can really be as bad as they are, if anyone even tells them. The whole world thinks my mother is a wonderful person, and especially a wonderful wife and mother, because she has put across that story all along. We, as kids, were in major trouble if we ever told anyone what she was like, so no-one ever found out. She was very physically abusive, as well as the emotional and verbal abuse. I have PTSD from her treatment, and still now, even though I'm older, I have a lot of problems in dealing with life in general, because I just seem to find a lot of things hard that other people seem to be able to ignore or cope with. I think it's safe to say that most of us who have narc. mothers will never fully get over it, and that justice will never be done in most cases, unfortunately. If people really understood what they were like, it would be easier to get them convicted of many things that they get away with.

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and that there are people who understand, (especially on this site!) - I'm just a newbie.

    Best wishes.

    3 people found this helpful
  8. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    9 September 2020 in reply to Universling
    Hi Universling

    Ah, I see. Thank you for continuing to reach out and share your story. I can see why seeking compensation is hard for you. Have you been able to access support for your disorders and medical conditions? Being here can be a great place to find health supports as well as curb the isolation you feel because of them.

    Other people have engaged with this thread which is also great to see. Could any of these ideas be useful for you in helping you advocate yourself moving forward?

    Tay100

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