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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / new person

Topic: new person

  1. Bluberry
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Sleepy: "I also had a girl who wanted to be my friend....like by any and all means possible. Had never had a friend before. Problem was she didn't care at all about me and was genuinely quite nasty".

    My sister is like that. I lived with it my whole life. They're usually two-faced, deceiving and nasty, yes. It is always about them, what they want, and how to get it. It's never about you or your feelings, ever. They would act nice when they want something (butter wouldn't melt in their mouths). You were quick enough to pick up on this and shunned away, clever girl. Some ppl are so good at deceiving that others will not pick it up. I tend to, only because I lived with it and have loads of experience with these type of ppl.

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  2. ecomama
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry

    Hi peeps

    What's the news for Victoria?

    Been surprisingly busy today. Had nice call with BF (it's his Sat night) and while I was on the phone my brother and s-i-l dropped by. WHAT a surprise... I'd only just finished saying to bf "well I've finally given up on brother"... AND he didn't want anything... I think. maybe on reflection it was a bit weird... s-i-l wanted to see my "new" kitchen appliances (weird lol) and they were installed months ago.
    Then went to shopping centre with Yvette for new school shoes and she's Miss Moneybags lol so she bought 2 bottles of not cheap perfume - good on her really. She has work till midnight soon.

    One son is home with his gf (not the prodigal son lol another one). The rest are already at work.
    I'm making this gfs favourite meal for dinner lol - nachos with guacamole.
    THIS son and his gf are straighty 180s and right down the line. They save money like nothing else lol but have good cars they own and are still at school. They work lots and study lots too.
    This gf has songs on Spotify, she's a lovely singer.
    We're all going to her Semi Finals for soccer next weekend for the first time.
    I told her we're wearing "GO (gf NAME)!" on t-shirts lol! You never know with us, we just may do that!

    Kids are changing shifts for it and the ACs may even come... they'll NEED a stadium for our family! But the take away may have to close lol... just joking. Hope they cope.

    It might be good timing too if "the family" are coming to raid our furniture lol.

    Yvette suggested prodigal son sell his car. Mmm. I'm sure he's overwhelmed atm. Can't see the forest for the trees.

    I started a post early this morning answering your questions but it disappeared in my absence, darn it.

    Hope the news was GREAT for my Victorian Musketeers!

    Love EM

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  3. Bluberry
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    18 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hey Ems,

    The Victorian announcement I posted early this morning. If you flick back a page, my post should be there. Dan has eased some restrictions, however as expected, it was only minimal. So, in brief, looks like we have another 2 weeks of this, but might change next Sunday should he decide, based on low numbers, to bring the opening of businesses forward.

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  4. Sleepy21
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    18 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    hi EM

    Sounds like you've had such nice time to just connect with ur family and ur bf over the weekend, and its been busy in a good way :) Lol raid your furniture - apt!
    That's nice your brother and sil came by, that must've been lovely. Good time to exhale over this crazy time

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  5. Sleepy21
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry

    Hi Blubs.... amazing that you exactly the type of perosality I am talking about.
    This girl was absolutely horrible to me durig my whole stay.

    sorry you can recognise it from your sister - --- yes it is hard to recognise!!! Sweet as sugar, innocent, just like a little deer who doesn't know a from z, but really it's all manipulation.
    I looked up the silver fox and he's a little bit cute! I can see what the fuss is about.!! What do you think of the news?

    It's a bit better than I expected... even though still nothing much.
    Did I read correctly that they're changing the 5 k rule to 25k?

    Bit pointless.... I think a big problem is that these rules aren't really blanket and are so so confusing.
    How are you enjoying your weekend blubes? It's a funny stage of lockdown. we are (sort of, not really) free!

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  6. ecomama
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry
    Bluberry said:

    It's a North Face jacket day. And, silver-fox present @ the pressers too lol.

    From 12.00pm tonight - Hairdressers to reopen OMG, yay!! been looking forward to this one; 5km limit extended to 25km; No time limit when leaving home; 10 ppl from two households allowed to gather outside; Tennis, golf & skateparks allowed as part of outdoor sports; Allied Health allowed to resume face-to-face care.

    Retail & hospitality will have to wait until November 1st to reopen.

    Blubes xx

    OH GOT IT. Slowly slowly...

    But great about h/dressers for you all.

    About 2 weeks until hospitality opens... hold on. It must be so darned difficult for you all but hold on!

    Love EM

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  7. Bluberry
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Yeh, he's alright. A really decent bloke too, I think that's part of the appeal. Bretts a guinely nice man.
    Yes tou did read right. Lol. I tend to do that aswell - sometimes ill read something and second guess myself or sometimes, simply misread. The 5km bubble been extended to 25km. What do I think of the news? I didn't think hairdressers wouldve opened until November. This is a bonus. Im not excited with announcement. Im tired of being locked down. We are still locked down, despite the absence of curfews because we're still restricted to 25km rule - our movements are restricted. And with no businesses still shut, theres realky no where to go anyway. I dislike wearing masks for the fact that it's a terrible cultural look on society. Just look at China. They've been wearing for years now due to pollution. Its horrible. Sadly, mask wearing is part of their culture. Dan has been steadfast from the begging and its paying off. We just need to stay the course and do the right thing. We want this over with.
    Dan revealed @ presser today that there were more than the initial reported 17 NZlanders in Victoria, there are 55 new zealanders. Hmm makes you wonder doesnt it?
    I hope all you lovely ladies & uncle Croix are enjoying your lazy Sunday. Lol. I vacuumed, cleaned downstairs powder room, dishes.
    For some reason Im bit nervous about flatmate tmr. Hes moving in!! I don't know what to expect.
  8. ecomama
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Sleepy21 said:

    Hey EM -
    I'm wishing for good things for your son, sounds like he's still very happy and open to you and all the family, so the love and care is still in him. Happy for you that his bed is still at home and he knows he can come back... funny that your bf said he would only cope 2 months... i guess you will see. How does he talk about it? He sounds very sweet with his car and practise. Love you and feeling all your warm support over this time.

    Atm I can see my son wants to open up ALOT more than he is. He heard all the things I said 9 days ago, LOUD & CLEAR lol. Now upon advice I'm not doing that anymore. He needs MORE love than ever before. Yesterday he disclosed some things about that family, both Yvette & I didn't react in the moment. Today we did to each other! WOAH.
    It's an abusive r/ship - son with that family. They'll try to cut us out of son's life. Nothing will make me disappear so they've got zero chance of that lol.
    Being non reactive will help him open up.

    I also had a girl who wanted to be my friend....like by any and all means possible. Had never had a friend before. Problem was she didn't care at all about me and was genuinely quite nasty.

    She had me hiding out bigtime. Eventually the new people came and I felt like I could just be me. After hiding for a few weeks lol. very true how much this effects mental health, just having people you click with.

    Eww dodged one there Sleepy21! Follow your instincts all the way.

    Thanks EM for caring so much and feeling so much for us in Vic. We'll all be watching tomorrow. I don't know who the silver fox is.... is there a handsome sidekick??? i've only watched one or two of the press releases and am a bit new to it all! buried my head under the sand for a lot of it.

    Pleasure treasures!
    Yah I don't watch the news anymore. It was really bad for anxiety for me. I just couldn't cope.

    So it's ABC iView all the way lol!

    HIGH FIVE!
    Love EM

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  9. Bluberry
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    18 October 2020 in reply to ecomama
    Thanks so much for your support through this. I have thanked you prior but thanking you again. Yeh, another 2 weeks, Ems. We have no choice but to hang in there.
    Did you have a good time seeing your bro & sil? What do you believe is up? I mean you did say it was strange that sil wanted to see your appliances? That is strange after all this time?
    Your children sounds much happier, Ems. Great to know.
    Blubes
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  10. Sleepy21
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    18 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    amazing tat you and Yvette are on the same page re how to respond to your son. Amazing you work together. Amazing that you and your daughter can work together - that's so beautiful to read.
    The news about hairdressers is pretty exciting although I'm having trouble getting in to one - they are all seeing their regulars first. I'm putting my name down on a few lists and trying to get a spot :)

    Hi Blubs - i wanted to thank you for your posts and checking in with us all , it's so nice to have this support from you and EM throughout these lockdowns. I am also so confused sometimes I don't know what to think - you're so right that 25km is still a restriction - I think it's exhausting. People want to feel free to travel and we still have arbitary rules around this. But good riddance to 5k rule. Glad that's over.

    Thanks EM for supporting us

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  11. Bluberry
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Aww Sleepy, thats sweet. ❤ thank you for being here for me too. I haven't been as good as i hoped to be since the drugging by the CAT Team & family. Ive been an absolute mess, with a host of emotions. Thought id be stronger but im not. Some days are better than others and when im bad, i feel terrible.
    Im here whenever you need support.
    Blubes xx
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  12. ecomama
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry

    No need to thank me Blubes.
    Anyone who doesn't have empathy for Victorians and their hardships can't be in touch with their own humanity. Yes you had no choice but it's very brave just the same.
    xxxx

    When I saw my brother & sil arrive today, my first thought was "What do they want?"
    They usually only visit when they want something... so I was waiting, waiting, waiting.. lol.

    Even the kids said "What did they want?"

    We know SIL to be a jealous person. So what they wanted was for sil to see (how good) all my new appliances were lol.
    I'm not like that. I don't care and am very happy for what others have. And tell them lol.

    It's weird though.
    I know why I don't remember sil is like this, it's because I'm not.

    There's a bit of history after c30y though.

    Brother and sils finances are separate.
    The saddest thing was one day a couple of years ago, during the Settlement part of the Courts, when after years of brother's promise that he was going to "buy" half this house to help us out... they both arrived and brother dropped the bombshell that he wasn't doing it.

    It wasn't going to COST him anything... it was a mortgage in "name only". I even had all the legal paperwork drawn up for JUST that. Protecting him 100%.

    sil didn't want to see me succeed.
    Very sad after everything I've helped the with over the years. All my kids were crying and triggering and panicking - it was HORRIBLE.
    But there it is.

    I would NEVER do that to him. He knows that.

    By a miracle of God lol, I was able to make some extremely swift manouevres & make the full loan application and exchange with 13 minutes to spare that week.

    Mmmm I know that brother would've helped me.
    sil must have put the fear of losing everything in him and he ditched us all.

    sil looks down on me. I'm very nice & loving to her. I wouldn't know her but for my brother.
    I've never betrayed his trust but he's betrayed mine a number of times now lol...

    I've noticed that as long as sil DOESN'T know he's helping us, like a few pages back, I found demon had put potting mix in the house guttering - brother came, got on the roof & cleaned out almost 2 x 11L buckets of the stuff but probably because he didn't believe me lol... then he's a pretty perfect brother.

    Our mother hasn't helped. She made it perfectly clear that she's tried to separate us for decades. I asked brother not to let her...

    But the kids don't trust him AT ALL now. I expect nothing from him now.

    Karma can be a real beach sometimes.

    Love EM

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  13. ecomama
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry

    Bluberry said:Thanks so much for your support through this. I have thanked you prior but thanking you again. Yeh, another 2 weeks, Ems. We have no choice but to hang in there.
    Did you have a good time seeing your bro & sil? What do you believe is up? I mean you did say it was strange that sil wanted to see your appliances? That is strange after all this time?
    Your children sounds much happier, Ems. Great to know.
    Blubes

    Hugs to you all... I answered this better on my thread just now...

    I've been MIA today because of all the vacuuming up of my time with the kids. Everyone's still trying to settle with situation of son leaving.

    Alexa just spent FIVE HOURS on the phone to me and she was here for almost 12 hours yesterday. Issues with her ex, discussing son's situation, helping her with her work situations... ahhh talking about Tax Returns and investments cheeses just a Universal talk lol!

    I still haven't had dinner lol.

    Yeah sil on my thread lol. Ewww difficult.

    I love her and extend love to her but she's.... knowing I DO do this but is not the same type of person.

    xxxxEM

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  14. ecomama
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    YAY to the Hairdressers lol!

    Yvette's a natural, it was ME who needed guidance re: son lol. I only told ONE person at work last week about son, a 28yo girl. She told me what to do, how to react etc because of her & her mother's experiences.

    I followed that & partially just realising son was under immense strain from psychological & financial abuse from that family.

    Out of respect to me, Yvette didn't react to son's words yesterday but wanted to talk to me about it all today and we both went WOAH... same reaction inside but not shared with son.

    Yvette's had 2 huge boughts of depression and suicidal feelings this year re: SA in her younger childhood.
    Tbh son leaving home was the LAST thing Yvette needed to end a horrible year for her.

    My children are angels lol. The sun doesn't shine from their proverbials but they're really great kids.

    My psych friend told me today that she has thought prodigal son has autism for a while now and was waiting for me to mention it. I mentioned it tonight again and she agrees.

    OK.... this makes things change around many notches now in how I relate to son.
    AND how I expect son to relate to me and us also, not only when he's here but also when he's away.

    He's an absolute darling but he's being led up the garden path by this family.

    Anyway, I need to eat dinner and pick up Yvette at midnight from work... mmmm... and be bright eyed and have a tail for work tomorrow. Lol.

    LOVED the rain tonight! YAY! Water in my tanks lol.

    GO RIGHT TO THE END OF 25kms peeps and LOVE it!!!! Getting there... xxxx EM

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  15. Sleepy21
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    18 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry

    hey, the brother sounds kind! helpful and wanting to support...

    did you feel they wanted something from the visit?
    To see the appliances? interesting that she cares about that....

    i hope you get to eat dinner and enjoy your night... sounds very hectic with lots of visitors and conversations oer the weekend. life is busy for you guys!

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  16. ecomama
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    19 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    HI SLeepy21

    Yes I finally got to have some dinner at almost midnight. I'm really tired today. Alot of running about and physical working and quite a bit of emotional stuff happening too.

    Yes I wrote about brother and sil a few posts back.

    Their visit yesterday has brought up alot of past memories about them ie their actions / inactions towards me over my hardest times. Frankly they weren't "there for us".

    Sil didn't so much as offer us a meal over all those Court years. I found out by staying there over a few weekends (because I asked if I could not because they offered) that she never cooks and it was WEIRD.

    They live a few streets away and I wouldn't see or hear from them for 9 months at a time.

    I can SEE what happens.
    Brother offers help to me in front of sil.
    She looks "urk" and shrugs backwards - not liking that.
    Then later when I call on that help.
    They withdraw the help.

    Sadly it's obvious sil is jealous... so unnecessarily ... and tried to disable me, even steal from me.
    It's crazy because her rich OS parents have bought everything for her including her house and every brand new car in over 40y, paid for OS trips, anything she asked for. They felt alot of guilt about what they did to her (put her in a Boarding School at 3yo with serious abuse that happened & it's been brought to Courts in now).

    But sil has a void that can't be satisfied. Now she's even more disabled which I tried to help with. It seemed to make her more demanding not less, and DEFINITELY not grateful at all lol!
    I'm too busy so I stopped.

    Yesterday morning I told bf that I've totally given up on brother.
    He doesn't acknowledge ANY of my kid's bdays not even by text.
    He doesn't spend any Christmases, Easters, nothing with us at all.
    Then they visited lol.

    I love brother dearly. But the r/ship was set up a long time ago that I am the helper and they are the receivers.

    Maybe he cares IDK.

    The visit yesterday was only for sil to sticky beak at my new appliances. Fickle.

    I'm not about what ppl have.
    I'm about who ppl are.

    Possessions don't impress me. I never compare what others have to me. It's simply a useless pursuit and waste of time lol.

    I just try to make sensible decisions and better my situation for my kids and I in the hopes that one day I will be more financially stable and at the end, my kids have a healthy inheritance.

    Pretty simple lol.

    Love EM

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  17. Sleepy21
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    19 October 2020 in reply to ecomama
    Hi EM - it sounded like that dynamic where they are trying to benefit in some way.
    I agree with you possessions and seeking them out is a pretty futile purpose - to look at what you can gain from every situation.
    They didn't seem to be able to support you through all that time which is hard. I'm sorry they didn't support you. Family should, hey?
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  18. ecomama
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    19 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hey Sleepy

    Yeah you'd think when family can, they would want to help.

    I just think my family see me as strong and competent. Never in need of anything - which isn't true.
    I would have LOVED another adult to help a little! I asked for help so many times - nothing.

    It was so insanely hard battling so many Courts, living off Church Pantry food, trying to provide the very barest of essentials for my kids and work as well - all with C-PTSD. Every cent went to Lawyers, Barrister and essential utilities / petrol etc to save my kids.

    I applied for every Hardship application I could find. These paid for some school uniforms but even then one son had to go to school with tape around his shoes.
    Things like that you never forget.

    demon did that to us.

    My family wanted to see me fail.

    Even Alexa's partner & in-laws sided with demon and put horrible pressure on me to give in to demon's demands (which was worse than failure to me, it meant handing my kids over to the worst kind of abuser). They made so many false reports about me, it was very distressing.

    I know what type of sister I've been to brother.
    He wasn't the same to me.

    sil wanted to see me fail.
    in the end so did brother and he pulled all support for being on mortgage on paper only.

    Every human support that could have been there was absent.

    Hence I relied on God. My Uncle said he doesn't believe in an "Interventionist God" and neither does U2 lol. But God didn't create the problems of the world. Evil has.

    God did intervene in my life. On every road at the very end of every point - that was when a miracle occurred.

    The funny thing is that now I KNOW that I did this all by myself, raised beautiful children who are very loving and kind. Kept my job lol.

    My work now is creating the home we want. Have a clean and organised space and beautiful garden.

    And the appliances work lol!

    My psych friend told me tonight that "resilience is the key". She said everyone will get knocked down again and again, we need to be resilient.

    I hope I raised resilient children. I Pray for that also.

    Love EM

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  19. Sleepy21
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    19 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hi EM

    You did deserve another adult presence to help you through and it's so sad when during tough times people disappear.
    I'm really sad you had to spend so much money to fight the monster and to preserve your family. It's very stressful and disorienting to have to do that. But you did it for your family. And you did it with so little support.

    I'm so proud of you and also here for you, feeling all that you went through.

    When you write "My work now is creating the home we want. Have a clean and organised space and beautiful garden." - i think this work is pretty much everything.
    I was neglected and grew up among piles and piles of young (hoarder parents) with a garden that scared me - overgrown, weeds....

    Giving kids an ORDERLY space seems to me so important. Order protects us. I'm so happy you have a thriving, orderly and fun home for your family. A safe base for all of u

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  20. ecomama
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    19 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Wow Sleepy21, I did TOO!

    ie Grew up in the most disorderly home. The garden had lots of food growing in it but everything was always a mess and I worked like Cinderella lol.

    There was NEVER importance on homework and mother always sabotaged my homework.

    My kids know their homework is their own responsibility but I will help in any ways I can.
    I've always provided whatever they need for their education. And LOTS of study spaces. They've been pretty studious but a few have tapered off their love for school. Yvette hates school now, sadly.

    I haven't got the orderly home yet! We had to move the contents of the entire downstairs upstairs - whatever was valuable, whilst demon still had access to half the house.

    demon used this time to enter and break anything he could still, just like when it lived here.
    Every single light fitting down there was broken off - electrician fixed all those a month ago.
    And demon dumped rubbish down there also.
    And all around our garden.

    I found so much rubbish under the lantana we removed!
    I'm digging up rubbish from the earth.

    It used to be sad, triggering and overwhelming (PTSD) but now I just say 'yeah another thing'.
    There are SO MANY steel beams buried way down the back that I was thinking of getting the recyclers to come and take them away IF they'd do it.

    But they may be useful to build the cabin lol!

    We had 8 square metres of rubbish taken away last week. I've been filling neighbour's bins on garbage night for years! And now filling Alexa's complex's skip bins too lol.

    I've done Council pickups every year since demon left. I didn't realise demon was just bringing back tons more - literally. Instead of paying tip fees.

    Hence Victim's Services put in CCTV, to protect us AND our property OR catch it happening.

    Only THIS year am I now seeing some progress and ofcourse seeing the damage also.

    It's very exhausting.

    Once things are fixed & glass room done and other repairs, we can paint. We have the paint lol!
    demon dumped alot of paint here too and we're USING it.

    Once the painting's done it will look SO MUCH nicer.

    I'm exhausted though. I want to spend more time with the kids than be working all the time.

    Love EM

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  21. Bluberry
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    19 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Just reading over your posts re: brother & SIL. Sorry, sometimes when I read posts, I might read them during breaks from cleaning the house, cooking, watching t.v etc. and I mightn't read things properly or I'd tots miss crucial sentences (so, just keep this in mind). Your brother does care for you Ems, I have no doubt. Unfortunately, SIL has a foothold on him which doesn't enable him to do much by way of support. This also impedes his contact on special occasions such as bdays. SIL is a JEALOUS person, it is egregiously noticeable!! She's much more than merely jealous though and the "sussing out" of your beautiful, new appliances and "looking down" on you highlights this. SIL sounds very much like a narcissist. Futhermore, she didn't/ doesn't want to see you succeed. A big part of her not wanting to you succeed is to thwart any help or support from your brother, whether its financially or any other means.
    It's your choice and I would never tell you what to do, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to distant yourself from SIL. I always believe in being polite to people but yeh, being nice to narcissists is something you don't really want to do - they'll take a mile, and will never occur to them to do the same. They lack empathy. You said sil wanted to see me fail. Of course, she did.

    Why am I saying this to you? Because SIL is MY SISTER!! How do you think I lost support from my mother with my education? My sister was jealous and didn't want me to become a lawyer. There was no way I could've studied full time and kept my home. I lost my then relationship because she was jealous that I was happy (she went behind my back to befriend him for the purpose of turning him against me, I was none the wiser. It worked). When I became aware of her games, she pitched my whole family against me and made up stories about me, claiming that I was crazy and that I needed to be institutionalized. It worked. Two & half years later, CAT Team was called on me for no reason. Quote: "Sadly it's obvious sil is jealous and tried to disable me, even steal from me". Yes, thieving is another trait of this personality disorder. Over the years, I've had thousands of dollars taken from me and my belongings would disappear. Lastly, they will work hard to stop anyone from helping you - their innate desire to see us fail is driven largely by JEALOUSY and the delusion to be THE BEST, the PRETTIEST, SMARTEST, whatever.

    Let me say it again, SIL is my SISTER. Best you stay away, Ems.

    Love Blubes xx

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  22. ecomama
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    20 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry

    Yes, we've been able to distance ourselves quite easily because sil holds brother back from being part of our lives.

    sil doesn't have the capacity to weild as much damage as your sister bec of her disabilities but the damage is obvious enough.

    brother visits after work for a short time, I think she wouldn't notice those short visits, so that's why he does it this way.

    he also comes to me for help, still, and advice which I give. he also has disabilities but works 6d per week in his trade atm. he's much younger than me but has been able to semi-retire for long periods due to his strong financial position.

    which he doesn't want sil to know about, which says alot!

    he made my children the beneficiaries to his "estate" and I'm positive this irks sil but she wants her children to have her and HIS property lol.

    Same old story. Seen played out a thousand times.

    All battened down here!

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  23. Bluberry
    Bluberry avatar
    576 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to ecomama
    Heya Ems,

    Hope youre enjoying your day at work today.
    Its a lovely day here in Melbourne. Not too cold or too hot. Its just nice.
    Oh ok. Nevertheless, the damage caused is enough.
    See, your brother loves you & children. Coming round to help you when he can & making your children beneficiaries. No, she wouldn't like that idea too much. Abd he also values your opinion. I hope hell come by more often to spend time with you guys. Family is important if youre lucky enough to have a good family. I thought did, only that was taken away from me. I guess everything happens for a reason.
    I got asked this question not long ago .. Ive given it more thought since and yes, I believe everything happens for a reason.
    Blubes

    1 person found this helpful
  24. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
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    ecomama avatar
    2172 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry

    Work was really busy.

    yeah idk... brother has a huge network of ppl with same disability as he and sil.
    Those ppl are far closer to family to him than any of us are. I'm glad he has them.

    I looked through my text messages at break time and wow... just "business" and necessity texts.

    I haven't seen my friend with cancer for so long. I was thinking of visiting her this week... Still not sure if I can.

    I thought I had at least another 5-6y with the kids at home.
    One's gone and the others will leave so fast.

    Not sure how to build up my social network and tbh feel too tired to do it anyway.

    I saw your post about extremely low Covid numbers in Victoria and I'M SO PLEASED for you all and us too! We're all connected after all.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  25. Bluberry
    Bluberry avatar
    576 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    "I looked through my text messages at break time and wow... just "business" and necessity texts" - are these txts from son?

    Why are you not sure you can visit her or not? Does she live far away?

    Yeh, I'm REALLY excited about the low number today. It has been too long and Ive forgotten what life without covid is like now tbh. One rule gets drummed into us for months, then its gone or changed - its confusing for the brain sometimes.

    You are never too tired to make new friends!! How to build that network of friends? I don't know, I'm in the position whereby I have to do the same - it's not going to be easy. Finding good ppl you actually connect with is tough. I feel utterly lonely. At times I just cry my guts out. I've been in bed all day today doing just that. Idk I guess with ppl I feel inclined to just battening down in preparation for possible trouble!! Its sad but given what I've experienced in life, its come to this. Sad isn't it?

    Blubes

    1 person found this helpful
  26. ecomama
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    ecomama avatar
    2172 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry

    I'm sorry you feel so horrible Blubes, there's alot of loss in your situation and alof of grief to go through.

    Also alot of rebuilding and it's pretty challenging.

    Covid hasn't helped at all I'm sure.

    I really hope the new flattie puts a bit of fun in your life and changes it up too.

    Oh I just meant the texts are just for work / no real personable ones. All just "gotta do this or that" texts. Builder, Electrician, gardener - not friends, just business.

    I'm very grateful for my work but I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing depressive chemicals. I sleep as much as I can. I seem to be always sleeping when before I wasn't sleeping these hours.

    Alot has hit me hard. Son leaving made me realise alot.

    Yes T is my friend with cancer. She's in denial but that's okay - whatever gets her through really.

    If I don't visit her then there's really no relating between us.

    IDK if I'll have time to visit her this week but I feel I really need to because I'll regret these times later.

    My Counsellor thought what psych and my psych friend said was really horrible. IE not to have my sick (dying) friends ONLY in my life. Get other friends who won't "leave" (which you can't guarantee anyway so yeah).
    Then when she heard their reasoning, she happened to agree.

    Out of my 3 sick friends, T lives 20 mins away.
    Another friend I've become pretty uncomfortable with tbh.
    Last one, L lives near where son lives - a LONG way away.

    My only "well" friend from that era (the ones that I went to school with) lives in Qld and as much as I love him like a cousin, he proposed a few years ago when my marriage broke up AND I was already "with" bf.
    So that's not a relationship bf is comfortable with lol.
    We barely talk now. Text every 6 months or so.

    I could get in better contact with another friend but it's too hard tbh.

    Most of my friends are retired.
    Most don't have children at home. AT ALL.
    Even the ones who DO only have them every 2nd week lol.

    My kids take up so much time and energy which I'm happy for!
    My work too.
    So my friends don't "get" that I'm always tired etc and still in the throes of all that.
    Plus the darned hard work of repairing all the damage to home and garden etc from demon.

    A real Catch 22.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  27. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    9101 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Dear EM~

    Reading how hard it is to keep contact with your freinds, particularly T, please do not underestimate the power of email, maybe just general, fun or nostalgic talk or maybe more serious.

    You are most certainly very capable of writing in any mode you wish, if you can get T interested in topics you may find it as real and important as actually being there in person.

    This is something I've done with someone who had serious illness, we both gained a lot.

    Croix

    3 people found this helpful
  28. Bluberry
    Bluberry avatar
    576 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Heya Ems with a wave to Croix,

    Just realised I've been here on BB forum a LOT lately - more than usual. Loneliness, boredom & depression is getting really aggressive for me right now. I think my PTSD is worst than ever. I'm triggering every day & night. I think it's partly due to the convos we've been having about SIL, Sleepy's mum, etc - all are hitting home hard. I seldom talk about my sister but I have been, here. She's the HATE of my life. I'm not a hater, honestly, quite the opposite, but I HATE HER with every skerrick of me. She's the reason why I'm in this position, the reason why I've lost everything in life. I often pray that she and my mother would suffer the sufferings they've put me through. I pray for that most nights. How could a mother take satisfaction in setting her daughter up with the CAT team? She was complicit in all aspects of it. From the humiliation, threat, drugging, damage to my property, falsification of med records, bogus diagnosis, forcing me to fill a prescription that wasn't explained to me what it was for. I mean, what sick mother would actually do that? I hate her too. I was treated by these medical 'professionals' with absolute disdain, like human excrement, nothing more. And, I did nothing wrong, nothing to warrant their abuse. They won't get away with it though, I won't give up and I"ll move forward with my life also. Just going to take some time.

    I don't mean to bring anyone down with me here. Sorry if I have.

    Croix, your advice to Ems is a fabulous idea. Email or even chat sounds like a great idea - this is marvellous especially coz you're time poor.

    Blubes

    1 person found this helpful
  29. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
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    ecomama avatar
    2172 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix

    I know her lol she won't do any type of communication whatsoever like this, not even text.
    We've been friends for over 50y, her situation and mindset is complicated.

    Basically she feels that unless someone shows their face to her door, then they really don't care about her.

    I know that's not true ofcourse.

    She's doing a Science degree at Uni so she can email etc, she won't do it with anyone outside of this.

    Thanks for the tip though. L who lives near son is more inclined to keep in touch via text and call which is lovely.

    I just went to the shops to get more bread and milk lol... 15L of milk WAS the norm... still not sure how much we need with 2 down...

    I ran into a girl I knew... like a GIRL doing her HSC and our convo spurred a train of thought.

    I just really need to "get out there" if I really DO want to make more friends / connections.

    I know I'll meet some ppl I wish I hadn't lol! It's a % game really.

    But I decided to do what I started about 6 months ago and REACH out to ppl I already know.

    I could get involved with my Church's activities, to some degree, again if they're up and running.
    They run free Courses on Healthy Cooking, Organic Gardening etc.

    There's also the Permaculture Group about 40 mins away - bit difficult. Not impossible.

    Also the Community Trading group which is more complicated and takes alot of time, energy and contact... not sure if I've got that much time or motivation for this yet tbh.

    I've also denied myself getting close to colleagues. This is a point of offer to take up if opportunity arises. Or I create it lol.

    The horrid marriage shut out all my friends (that was shut down for me by DV).
    I was never allowed the time to be with friends and most definitely NOT the money. Even the in-laws came down on me like a ton of bricks when I spent $10 on a lunch with colleagues! I was the only money earner of around $100k and I couldn't spend $10.

    Grrr.

    Then ensuing Court cases... I didn't have the time or focus to do "friend" things, let alone the money or food to spare with having anyone over.

    There ARE opportunities now. I need to be open to SEEING what these are.

    I'll just bite the bullet and visit T this week. The laundry and all else can wait lol.
    I'll go Thursday morning before my Counselling appt in the afternoon.

    Love EM

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Bluberry
    Bluberry avatar
    576 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to Bluberry
    And, yes I do have a lock on my door. My philandering, bad tempered ex installed it August last year. Im set.
    Btw how could you presume I was THAT trusting of ppl, especially men in my home. 😆😆
    1 person found this helpful

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