Been triggered all day today. Couldn't relax. Started panicking. Felt so abused and so powerless. This trigger happened and it continued to cause me stress all day. I'm still trying to relax. I got angry with the trigger, I had verbal outbursts, I got scared and I felt alone and powerless and defeated and it ruined my whole day. I feel like I've been thrown around all day. I have a mental health plan I got from my doctor but I never followed up with it because this other counsellor rang me but she is a womens health counsellor and I really need to see the psychologist on the plan who can help me with this. This is not something I can cope with. When I'm not triggered, I'm fine. But the trigger is something unavoidable at the moment so I'm having really bad reactions to it. I definitely want to see the psychologist now as its gotten to that stage. I will put on a nice movie to take my mind off this horrible day I have had all day. I just want to cry and I am not one to cry easily anymore, even when I need to. I was so stressed from this horrible trigger all day that I couldn't sit just distract myself with something else as it was impossible to concentrate on anything else. The trigger reaction was so huge. I am hanging in there to see this psychologist. And if I keep having this trigger reaction I probably need some medication to calm me down to feel safe again. I don't feel safe when I am triggered. I get really scared. Its awful.

Hey Universling,

You are really brave for being able to talk about these big experiences with such vulnerability, and that is something I really admire.

Hang in there! It'll be a great relief to chat with your psych, but until then dealing with panic and stress may require a few practical moves to calm yourself down and give yourself a break. I've detailed a few options to think about below:

• You mentioned that this trigger is unavoidable, are there ways to tie some of the things you enjoy to facing this trigger? Could you play music, could you prepare prior to it with something that makes you feel a bit more confident (talking to a friend, doing 2 minutes of exercise etc.)
• You mentioned that a nice movie is something that helps you take your mind off things. Could you make this a nice ending to each of your days? Or, could you put on a movie that you know has some sad movies so you can have a bit of a cry, have that outlet, and that shut the movie off after a happy ending? One of my favorites is 'Mamma Mia' (I know right).

• Know that your reaction to the trigger is not invalid. It is big emotions you're facing, and it is okay if you have to take a few minutes, an hour to feel those things, and then work towards moving forward with some tasks. Something I know has helped me when I've really panicked is to challenge myself to do something basic, like get a glass of water. If that's too much, it's to go stand in front of the sink. Even then, sometimes it's as basic as changing sitting positions. You've got this!

Know that you are a strong individual, and you've proven this by your courage in posting and seeking help. This trigger is not forever, because your strength will overcome it. Here's to brighter days,

Best,
Wishes

Oh thank you Wishes. Yes I do love yoga relaxation music and listen to it often. Yet for some reason whenever I am triggered, I always forget to put it on because I am so distressed at the time. But that's a great reminder for next time, yoga music really calms my body and my mind right down. I have to do physio every day I have a painful autoimmune disease and laying down on the physio mat listening to yoga relaxation music would be a really good strategy while I'm waiting to see the psychologist. I was absolutely fine today. I coped no worries. Had a bad day with the autoimmune problems going on with my body at the moment so I was very much having to be in the moment with the physical symptoms of being unwell today. I was in survival mode with this insidious illness that the psychological distress from yesterday just wasn't relevant for me today. I'm upset that my Dr doesn't know what the other autoimmune problem in my body is attacking my joints but she does know the other one and I have meds for that. I don't like being told that I have another autoimmune problem and that she doesn't know exactly what it is. I really appreciate your response to my post. Thanks again:)

Hey again Universling!

You're an absolute star, I am so glad to hear that today went alright! That's a major win.

I myself don't face daily physical pain, but I know others who do. You are such an admirable person for facing that consistently and with such determination.

I can completely understand that during your trigger, setting up relaxation music would not be on your mind! I know that a technique I've used when I've panicked is doing a basic action that I associate with my calm environment for example...

• I really love dancing around in my kitchen (it's pretty embarrassing haha)
• So sometimes, I just try to relocate myself to the kitchen somehow, even if it's just shuffling into that location.

For you could that be having your yoga mat out to try and sit on? Or just lying down where you are and pretending your on your mat, listening to the music?

Really hoping for your Dr's wisdom in this time! You are more than your disease and have already shown such bravery. I believe in you!

Best,
Wishes

Hey Wishes, thanks. I won't dwell on it but I had another bad trigger day today. But as we speak I am listening to the most calming yoga music. I feel a little stupid for breaking down again today but I guess I can put it behind me and enjoy the rest of the night. Tomorrow is a new day so I am hopeful I won't suffer this again tomorrow. I'm still learning how to use this site properly and haven't had a chance to read anybody else's situatations yet but maybe that would be a good reminder that I'm not alone. I treasure your messages they helping me smile again. You must be a bit of a trooper yourself to be on here. Love the dancing in the kitchen:) Sounds fun!

Sending all my happy vibes over to you

Universling

Universling,

So great to hear from you! Hey, recovery isn't linear and sometimes you gotta ride it out a little bit. You're doing amazing.

Love the yoga music, I love that you have that happy place for yourself! Just like me and my kitchen :') And 100% you should check out some threads, there's so many people sharing their stories on here that you are bound to find someone you can relate to.

I'm in your corner!

Best,
Wishes

Hi my name is Bella, I'm 16 and I'm suffering from depression and trauma. I've only recently corona holidays come out about being sexually abused by 3 different people varying many times when I was younger and it's really effecting my mother due to my behaviour. I used to hold it all in and stayed very active but now that I have come clean about what happened and what I did to try and get rid of the pain I have found that it is incredibly hard to even just get up each day. Right now my mum is crying in the bathroom quietly, we already have family problems due to my father having bi-polar and depression and I'm just messing every thing up even more. Before my mum walked into the bathroom she told me that "I'm killing her" please help me get better I don't want to ruin any thing more.

Hi Hyper_ball,

Thanks for reaching out to this community. We understand it can be tough to post for the first time, so we are grateful you decided to join us and share what you're going through. We're so sorry to hear that you've been through such abuse- something that no one should ever have to go through. It takes a lot of courage to open up to both your family, and us here on the forums, and we hope that you find some comfort by being part of this community.

We are also currently getting in touch with you through email as we are worried about you. We can hear that this is a really tough time for you and we would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to support to those who have been through trauma like this. You can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/  

Please also know that the lovely counsellors at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are available to you 24/7 during your most difficult moments. Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. You might also like to start a new thread so that our community can offer you as much support, advice and conversation as you need. 

Hey Wishes

There must be some good people to chat to on here. Yes there's a lot to be said for the self-care and in a way being unwell with the autoimmune disease, stuck at home and its a pandemic out there is a good time to do lots self-care to put us in our happy place. Hope your day was also a good one. No dramas for me today. It was a very nice day:)

Universling

Dear Bella~

Sophie_M has given you some excellent practical advice, 1800REPECT is exactly right, as are the other references.

I read your post -a brave thing to do, and one that shows how stuck you are. I wanted to say a couple of thngs.

They may not mean much when you are upset and can hear your mum crying but please re-read this and think on it in quieter times.

First you are not " ruining any thing more". Your assaults were serious injuries to you, and like any serious injury they have to receive proper treatment. You have taken the first step, to tell your parents. Hopefully this will be followed by proper medical treatment.

No, it is not easy, and your mum being upset is natural, don't take what she said or seeking quiet alone in the bathroom as anything other that an expression of love and grief on your behalf, the words do not matter. Every one handles hardship and hurt in different ways, that is simply you mother's. You are not killing her or making things worse, you are simply going to the adult who takes care of you and asking for care. Yes it hurts you to hear her cry, as I said it is the right path but not easy at all for you.

The thing that can be hard to remember is that it is the people that abused you who created all this grief and injury. You have borne it for longer than most and now need to admit you need help and support. That's good!

Please call 1800RESPECT and start to get adults on your side who can advise and help

You can always come here, we do care about you

Croix

Dear Bella

Welcome to the forum. So pleased you have found your way here and have the courage to tell us your story.

Croix has said your mom is dealing with your news probably in the only way she can. The news about your dad is a lot to take in and then your story has added to the burden. This is not meant to discourage you from talking because I believe it is important. I want to help you understand a little how your mom feels.

I cannot add much to Croix reply except to endorse his comments. I believe you really need some professional help to get through this abuse. Now you have told your parents can you ask mom to go with you to see your GP? This is the first port of call to getting help. Your doctor will know the steps to take and will help start your journey to healing. In the meantime please continue to post in to the BB forum. I want to suggest you start a thread of your own. Both you and Universling have serious situations to manage. Your story will be read by those who want to post to Universling but not by others who could relate to you but do not see what you have posted. Does that make sense to you? Put your thread in PTSD & Trauma where it belongs and where it will be seen by more people who can relate to it.

Please take this as a serious attempt to find others who will relate to your story. You have not done anything wrong. On the contrary you have been very courageous in posting at all. Let's put your thread where it will be seen by those who can relate most. Copy your post and and use it to start a new thread.

Mary

Hey Universling

Well done for getting through the past 2 days with awful triggers / PTSD reactions.

I needed a specialist psychologist this year to "rid" the PTSD triggers from my mind and life.
I still have the memories but not the awful tumbling full surround sound and visual triggers associated with PTSD. My psych used CBT and exposure therapy then taught me how to do it on my own and I am so relieved I sought this help.

My thread 'new person' explains each session and my feelings about them.

I'm sorry Universling but I feel the need to respond to Bella next.
I'll come back to see how you're going.

Much Love
EM

Dear Bella

A really warm WELCOME to the forums. I'm so glad you reached out here and I'm extremely sorry for what you've gone through and what you're going through now.

I'm a mum who's children were sexually abused and I really feel for you sweetheart, with your mum not being able to cope right now.

This is NOT YOUR fault.
None of it is your fault.
You are a child and no one should do anything like this to anyone let alone a child.

I gently urge you to contact 1800RESPECT. They are SO BRILLIANT.
I have phoned them SO many times.

One of my children reported straight to the Court.
I am so proud of her that she did.

I had no idea this was happening.

I am so glad the Police got involved immediately.
Counselling and psychologists appointments have been free for my children since reporting.

You can phone a helpline anonymously if you are too afraid of telling your name.
It's OKAY but you need more support than you're getting atm.

I also invite you to begin your own thread so we can all give you ongoing support here on the forums.

Please pop back and let us know how you're going.

Love EM

Hello Universling

A warm welcome to the forum although a little belated. Like many others I can relate to being triggered and knowing I have to go through that horrible process of getting past it. I also forgot which coping mechanisms I had until someone suggested I make a list and put it on the fridge. Every time I opened the fridge door it would remind me I had these ways of coping and made it made it easier to go straight to one of the options. It's good you have realised how your yoga music helps you.

I find scrapbooking a way to focus on something good and enjoyable. I am making scrapbooks for my eight grandchildren so you can imagine there is lots to do. I think it will help me cope for some time.

Like you I got very angry when reminded of one dreadful event and I get angry, yell in the privacy of my home, and feel powerless to do anything about it. This has been compounded by not being allowed to make a complaint. The periods between being triggered are getting longer and my grief is not so intense and raw as it once was. It is unfortunately the way this works. We cannot deal with it fully in one go even though we try hard and want it to go away. I think it is part of accepting what has happened and that is hard.

Accepting what has happened means being able to look at the event from an objective point of view and being able to put it to one side. Not easy because we do so often feel guilty so all the regret feelings resurface even when we were not at fault. It is sad when we are at fault but rarely is this a deliberate way to hurt someone. We do need to forgive ourselves.

How do we do this? Sit and deliberately look at the event for a specified time like 30 minutes. Examine what happened in as dispassionate a way as possible. It does get easier. What have you learned? What will help to avoid a similar situation in future? Use a timer to tell you when the 30 minutes have elapsed then get up and move away from that spot. Try to have a physical activity to follow on from this.

How do you feel about this process? My doctor taught me this and I was appalled at the thought of deliberately putting myself in such an uncomfortable place. But she was right, it has been a way to get past this. I still find myself triggered but there are longer intervals and less intensity. I hope this helps.

Mary

Thanks Mary for sharing what you have found helpful:)

Universling