Hey
Marina012,
Welcome
to the Beyond Blue forums, and thank you for having the courage, resilience and
strength to post. As Sophie_M said, reaching out for help is a tough thing to
do and even more so considering what you've experienced. I commend you on
taking the first step and telling us about what happened to you, which I have
no doubt, was a difficult task. Please give yourself a pat on the back for
taking that first step - I am genuinely proud of you.
I am so
sorry to hear about the repeated trauma you have endured and the repercussions
it is having on your overall wellbeing. I will do my best to support you and
listen to you as I understand that you are not comfortable seeking therapy at
this stage. I cannot begin the fathom what you have been through, and to have
two similar wrongdoings by other people occur twice would be violating,
frightening, and distressing. It does sadden me to hear the level of
self-loathing you have voiced throughout this post, and I agree with GimZim -
what has happened to you is not your fault. The case of being drunk does not
change that, and as a fellow young woman, I am very firm on my stance.
I can
also, understand why you feel as if there are trust issues, and I admire that
you want to reserve your love for someone you are in a relationship, I think in
this day and age sometimes this gets lost. I'm so sorry that you feel ashamed
and hatred toward yourself, you deserve respect from others and from yourself,
but I can appreciate how this would be difficult for you for the time being.
This doesn’t mean that things can't change, and while you may not be ready for
therapy, posting here is a brilliant first step. How did you find writing this
post? And how do you feel reading the replies? As Sophie_M said, there are many
resources and services there to help you in anonymous manners if that's what
will work best for you.
Once
again, we commend you on reaching out for help and thank you for telling us
your story. Please keep us updated throughout your journey, we are here for us
- the forums are a safe place.
All the
best,
Blake_S :)