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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / Tired

Topic: Tired

  1. Delectable
    Delectable  avatar
    346 posts
    1 January 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    I’m not saying everyone is the same, I just want people to be wary of that effect of the things they do and how hard it impacts someone. to cross the border is not something I’m happy about, my car is 16 years old and quite frankly doesn’t need to be sitting in 4 hour of snail traffic one reason I live here because I’m poor. The liberal party now want people to move for a job, like how are they going to pay for a removalist and 4 weeks bond?
    I cannot afford this life and this border situation were back in after having no crap for 5 weeks of no permits it’s all back...but worse as police only have one lane open of a two lane road. I know I’m worthless and people don’t give two crackers about people like me,

  2. Delectable
    Delectable  avatar
    346 posts
    1 January 2021 in reply to Delectable
    I hope your life gets easier Sleepy, I really do. I wish I had a wand and could make all your troubles disappear, I’m tired of trying to look after myself that’s all, just when I make some progress it gets taken away and I cannot change the situation, it’s out of my control and o don’t like this ride.
  3. Sleepy21
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    1 January 2021 in reply to Delectable

    that's okay Delectable, i can see your point of view

    ur right there is a lot of issues now financially post covid

    Of course it is upsetting not to have the government support.... it sounds like the covid situation is really difficult for u right now.

  4. Delectable
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    346 posts
    1 January 2021 in reply to Delectable
    It’s one year since China admitted to Who about the virus they concealed for how long from the world, how people forget?
  5. Sleepy21
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    1 January 2021 in reply to Delectable

    hey Delectable

    I know what you mean 100 percent

    it is very frustrating being out of control, when ur trying to plan on improvements for u life...

    Do u have to stay home now where u are? i'm sorry it sounds so ignorant but for my MH i don't follow the news about Covid except the rules that pertain to my area of Melbourne...just because it's too much
    So I don't know what's happening so much

    I wander if maybe you might benefit form having a break from the news...it can be very heavy. When I need to find something out I just ask the shopowner at the servo and they tell me. That's how I found out that we need to wear masks indoors again.. Otherwise I didn't know.

    Did you find another gp clinic? I changed GP recently and it helped me a lot.

    Wishing you a calm start to 2021 and lots of good wishes

  6. Delectable
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    346 posts
    2 January 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    No, it’s not easy to change gp as most won’t take new patients and there isn’t any decent on my side...I cannot see a specialist either. I do have to isolate myself as I can’t help the old people if they think I’ve been near too many strangers, I only read abc news as it applies to me, there are a number of people from Sydney in this area apparently using it as a safety point till they can go back to Melbourne....and they have arrived since December 21.... o only go out for exercise here, nothing else...and if I see people I walk around them by 30m. I rather not see people at the moment, as there’s lots of couples and kids...I don’t need any reminders of how different it am or not good enough. It would be so nice to have someone supporting me in real life telling me it’s ok and looking after me...however my life is completely opposite to that and I’m tired of it...tired of having to parent and care for myself for all these years ...

  7. Delectable
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    346 posts
    2 January 2021 in reply to Delectable
    I would also like someone to love me just once and not be crazy...guess that’s never meant to be. There’s only so much one can take of anything and I’m well past the expiry of a lot of things...I don’t want to be here if I cannot take a short break to explore a new place, as that’s all I have left...I’ll never be able to go back home as whenever it does happen it will be truly out of my price range...travel on a shoestring overseas who am I kidding... I wish I had known earlier my male parent had illegally entered Australia as I’d have reported him to the authorities and maybe I would be sent back as well, it’s so hard to live in a place you aren’t compatible in and the way I am is a result of not being good enough for anyone here. You can never make a square jigsaw piece fit in a round hole!
  8. Sleepy21
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    2 January 2021 in reply to Delectable

    that's a shame

    my gp wouldn't take on new patients officially but I had to beg

    I asked the receptionists to as the GP

    you could say you just want a second opinion and not to see them long term - and get in that way

    Or that you just want a referral to a MH professional because you have struggled and been at risk over this time

    In terms of not being lovable or it being too late after having to parent urself

    I don't know about that - I believe things can change.

  9. Delectable
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    346 posts
    3 January 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Sleepy,

    It’s ok, all the victorians who have been turned back at the border are on the side where the gp and psychologist is so it’s best I don’t go there, there’s a lot of Sydney people there too. I don’t understand their need for travel in their situation, if only they would stay at home. Cannot risk getting anything from all those campers as I don’t know where they have been and it would jeopardise my help with the elderly as I wouldn’t be able to go...so even though there’s no lockdown there may as well be one with all the repercussions of the other state that has Covid-19. I don’t like the specialist on this side for endometriosis, she said I had to get the bloating down which is impossible as it’s a symptom of endometriosis, her and the psychiatrist o both walked out on, I have no tolerance or patience for excuses for doctors who just want to fob me off. Sometimes I think it’s because I’m poor that instead of saying the truth they make it up as they stand to gain no money.

    I just have to hope it doesn’t get out of hand in Melbourne otherwise having a police block on both sides and limited movement like once before when emergency and freight were only allowed to cross.

    I read a great novel - The secrets we kept by L. Prescott, and have reserved more books on Russia at the library, I’m finding it impossible to read or watch anything non European, I still have an American book to read for my psychologist that she recommended, and I can always do a jigsaw, I have a 2000 piece to do of Budapest and smaller ones of Menton, St Petersburg, Prague, Paris that I treated myself 4 months ago from overseas, I couldn’t buy them in Australia even if I wanted to....

    I offered to teach my old social worker how to make Italian Christmas biscuits as she would like to learn...I’m not sure if that’s happening now as she is interstate. I have stopped cooking for people, which i miss as it gave me something to do however it’s too humid to be eating that food, you mentioned you like buying things from overseas?

    Where are your favourite places to buy from?

  10. Delectable
    Delectable  avatar
    346 posts
    12 January 2021 in reply to Delectable
    Well Sleepy this is for you, I do have borderline personality disorder and was diagnosed in the first psych appointment in August 2019 but my go failed to mention it to me, and never mentioned it to me., confirming my belief that I am a worthless piece of rubbish...I’ve always sensed being poor you get treated like a nobody because no one cares..I saw my gp for the last time today, I was upset she had lied to me all this time and wasted my life with the therapy treated. I just asked for my blood tests results and left. Not wanting to have anything to do with people anymore after this. I’m trying to even think what’s the point in being here as I’m never going to have a relationship with anyone or ever experience love in my whole life. I don’t want to trigger you sleepy, no one else cares. They probably think I’m just some worthless piece of trash too. Look after your sleepy.
  11. Sophie_M
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    3941 posts
    12 January 2021 in reply to Delectable
    Dear Delectable, 

    We're so sorry to hear what a difficult time you are going through. We can hear how worthless you are feeling at the moment but we wanted to remind you that you are not worthless in our eyes. We care about you and it sounds like you could do with a bit of extra support today. Please try and be kind to yourself, take a break, and do something that you enjoy, or something that helps you to feel even slightly better. In the meantime, we are here to listen and support you. 
    1 person found this helpful
  12. Delectable
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    346 posts
    12 January 2021 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you, people’s actions show what you’re like. I feel very betrayed by my gp, I don’t know why she concealed that information from me.
    The problem I have now is I’m applying for DSP and was advised consistency with the same doctors is important but how can I say she is my doctor after what she had done to me, it’s inexcusable. I really need to change doctors now, as I need all the medical evidence I can get... it’s not going to look good on my application that my twit of a doctor cannot recognise what a specialist has written and told her. I don’t know what to do, I don’t even see the point continuing. I am only here because as soon as we are allowed to travel I’m going back home, to Europe. that’s the only thing keeping me alive and I so need that to happen this year...there is nothing here for me in Australia and it’s very clear everyone thinks I’m a nobody or worthless piece of rubbish.
  13. Delectable
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    346 posts
    12 January 2021 in reply to Delectable
    I didn’t ask to be born to German alcoholic violent parents, whom married out of a magazine and not for love. Never understood why my mother married a man on the other side of the world she’d never met. Maybe that’s why they were such horrible parents, violent and if I got anything nice given to me they would chop it up with an axe. They were both heavy drinkers, my father drank Johnny walker straight a bottle a night, so he escaped Germany when he was 14, got on a ship and illegally came to Australia in 1924. Never had any relatives, guess they died in World War One. I often wonder if I had any from Russia or France as I feel very drawn there, so I maybe a terrible mentally ill person because of my heritage and trauma from birth to teens if you call them that but I never asked for this. Till this day people still say Germans are unfriendly and rude, I never asked for that either. All I asked was for love which never happened and for the record I don’t experience happiness just chronic emptiness.
    People don’t ask for the crap their heritage and parentage brings, so you can all think badly of me, I don’t care anymore if no one cares.
  14. Guest909
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    13 January 2021 in reply to Delectable

    Hi Delectable

    Please forgive me for barging in like a bull in a china shop, but your last few posts caught my attention. Let me start by saying, I have no mental health issues, so I do not speak from experience. In addition, your thread is a lengthy one, so I am not up to speed with your situation.

    A few posts back you said, you were diagnosed with BPD. I would have thought that would have been of some comfort to you. I say that because the diagnosis explains a lot of the issues you are going through right now; the low self-esteem, the emptiness, the anger, the irrational thinking, the emotions, and all the other issues that accompany BPD. Your diagnosis puts all of those issues into a nice tidy box, with a label on it.

    My point is, now that you know you have BPD, you can work through theses issues. With knowledge come power; the power to heal.

    In a previous post you mentioned that you were applying for DSP. Why does that have to change? Why do you have to change doctors? Is this your BPD talking, or is a new doctor absolutely necessary. Think about that.

    In answer to your last question, no, you did not ask for any of this. That said, use this diagnosis to heal yourself.

    Paul

  15. Delectable
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    346 posts
    13 January 2021 in reply to Guest909

    My doctor still does not recognise I have border personality disorder, she wasn’t the one that told me. It was the psychiatrist whom I’ve seen twice via Telehealth that told me...he told me he diagnosed me the first visit aug 2019 which the doctor failed to do, I’ve been having treatment for ptsd as that’s all she recognises I have even though the psychiatrist told her otherwise so she is hardly going to be any use applying for the pension is she?

    I don’t have irrational thinking, how people treat you over time is how I think about things...most people treat me like a fool, eg the doctor. My psychologist is the only one who treats me as a human...and the doctor couldn’t even inform her my aug 2019 diagnosis. Yes I still have ptsd but the other is more significant and needs more work. Out of all the mh issues I would not want border personality disorder... people confuse it with bipolar as this has happened here with another person just presuming that’s what I had. Look, it’s ok I’m a nobody, I get it that I’m poor and don’t amount to anything. I just hope I’m a lesson to someone who may have kids one day and hope the parents do the right thing and the child doesn’t go through any shit because of the parents..

  16. Delectable
    Delectable  avatar
    346 posts
    13 January 2021 in reply to Guest909

    The psychiatrist has also told me he thinks i will have it for the rest of my life, he said he has seen some changes in people but I wonder if they have someone who loves them, even if it was only in the formative years. Trauma affects the way the brain develops and when there is significant history it gets complex. I’ve had to parent myself and it’s obvious I have not done it properly, how do you do it when you’ve had no examples anyway?

    If someone is reading this and think they are like me please find someone to help you, don’t turn out like me.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Guest909
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    13 January 2021 in reply to Delectable

    Hi Delectable

    Did you know, PTSD and BPD commonly co-occur. Evidently 25-60% of people with BPD also have PTSD.

    It is not uncommon for physicians to disagree with each other; they are not gods; they are not perfect. That is something you need to keep in mind.

    As far as your diagnosis goes, I can see two big problems, from what you have shared:

    1. Your GP doctor, is probable not the best person to assess MH issues.
    2. A diagnosis from a psychiatrist that you have seen twice via telehealth, is probably not that reliable.

    In regard to you phycologist, your doctor probably did the right thing by not informing her about your BPD diagnosis in Aug of 2019. If your doctor had mentioned the BPD diagnosis, that would influence your phycologist's thinking. I would suggest that you doctor wanted an independent, impartial and unbiased diagnosis from your phycologist. Think about that for a while; the keyword is unbiased.

    I hope this opens up another line of thought for you.

    Paul

  18. Delectable
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    346 posts
    13 January 2021 in reply to Guest909

    It was my psychologist/ social worker that asked for the pysch review as she was the one that suggested I had the traits, and she is not qualified to make the diagnosis. I cannot afford to see a psychiatrist in person, there are no concessions if you’re unemployed. The Telehealth is the only funded in the area I live. You’re allowed one free visit per year. My psychologist/ social worker feels she isn’t helping me, she said if I have bpd I would need DBT through community health, something I’d rather not do, I don’t like group therapy, I rather one on one. I’m wanting less contact with people day by day, it’s easier as it prevents long term hurt and disappointment for me, therefore I do not wish to discuss my problems with others in group therapy as it’s private and I don’t need or want other people beside professionals knowing.

    My gp is a register, we don’t have bulk billing here for qualified doctors so I guess that’s my own fault since I do t have $40 spare per visit to see a qualified doctor. My gp is a new Australian and doesn’t understand how to do things, yesterday she said I can’t have blood tests and a mental health care plan on the same day. So I took my results and will go to another gp and get the plan from there, I’m over being treated like a nobody. I have been advised if you’re poor and of no one of notably then you are treated like a nobody, well I’ve done my time and frankly don’t have the patience for any more treatment like that, what for anyway to achieve what I have which is just going around in circles.

  19. Guest909
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    13 January 2021 in reply to Delectable

    Ok, I think I've got the story now:

    1. You have a foreign GP, that is not sure which way is up - her guess was PTSD
    2. You have had two Telehealth sessions with a psychiatrist - he thinks you have BPD
    3. You are seeing a social worker that suspects BPD, but in not qualified to make a diagnosis

    I can see the confusion. Yes, I would go to another GP and get a "mental health care plan". Hopefully that will lead you a phycologist that can at least diagnose the problem. You can't treat a MH disorder until you know what you are dealing with.

    If it does turn out to be BPD, it's not the end of the world. DBT/CBT treatment through community health is better than no treatment at all.

  20. Delectable
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    346 posts
    13 January 2021 in reply to Guest909

    Actually my old social worker from 6 years ago diagnosed me with ptsd, I have never had a diagnosis from a doctor.

    I won’t be going to community health, I’ve done group therapy when I was in my teens for all my teens and I don’t like it for the reasons stated before. I will ask my current social worker who I see on the 3 February for a dbt book to work from at home...I want to be by myself from now on for reasons stated before..besides I don’t fit with others and I’m too different, I’m tired of rude people staring at me like I’m some type of freak...I’ve got 11.5 months to go..to hopefully I can go home for good, would rather be a freak in a country I feel connected to then one I don’t.

    Thanks for caring,

  21. Delectable
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    346 posts
    13 January 2021 in reply to Guest909

    There are no bulk billing psychologists here either, only social workers. I’m on jobseeker, don’t have much money after I pay $510 a fortnight in rent, I therefore go without heating and cooling and I walk everywhere except when I help old people as it’s a 40km trip one way..too far too walk.

  22. Guest909
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    14 January 2021 in reply to Delectable

    Ok, the updated story is:

    1. An old social worker from 6 years ago thinks you have PTSD
    2. You have a foreign GP, that is not sure which way is up - no diagnosis
    3. You have had two Telehealth sessions with a psychiatrist - he thinks you have BPD
    4. You are seeing a social worker that suspects BPD
    It seem to me that BPD is the best diagnosis that you have to date. Given that PTSD and BPD often go hand in hand, PTSD is also a good possibility.

    In regard to your "mental health care plan", you said that there were no bulk billing psychologists in your area. Can you do tele-sessions with a psychologist that does bulk bill?

    Here is an outfit that will provide 30 free Medicare subsidised sessions with a phychologist a year. I imagine they will need a mental health care plan from a GP.

    https://www.remotetherapy.com.au/

    To get in, you may have to wait for an appointment or go elsewhere. My point is, there are any number of free online phycologists out there. You just have to track one down.

    Paul

  23. Delectable
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    346 posts
    14 January 2021 in reply to Guest909

    Ok. I only have mobile phone internet, no webcam or zoom. I like my social worker, the psych said talking therapy is the best for me....

    I’m more then happy to keep seeing her with a hard version of a dbt book....

  24. Guest909
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    14 January 2021 in reply to Delectable

    You can do your remote sessions over the phone; no internet required.

    Your social worker might be good for local support.

    If you want more, talk to someone that can help. You can do all the "talking therapy" you want, over the phone.

    You have options; use them!

    Paul

  25. Delectable
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    346 posts
    14 January 2021 in reply to Guest909

    I never said I don’t have a problem, I’ve always said I’m different. Since you have never suffered from MH you have no idea what’s it’s like, I’m sick of people saying we like being the way we are. It’s not like we asked for this. It’s important to me I have someone I like, I’ve had plenty in my teens I didn’t like and it was compulsory as a state ward to do it, I found it a bad negative experience and something I’ll never do again.

    I have stated several times I want nothing to do with people, I know I’m the problem, I have been since birth, so please don’t make assumptions about me.

  26. Delectable
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    346 posts
    14 January 2021 in reply to Guest909
    Besides I have been advised to apply for the dsp I need consistency, and since I have to change the doctor I cannot change the treatment or it will be a waste of time applying
  27. Delectable
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    346 posts
    14 January 2021 in reply to Guest909
    Thank you for your advice, hopefully people like Sleepy will read and be able to access the service you suggested. They are the ones that will benefit the most as they are worthwhile people and worth helping.
  28. Delectable
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    346 posts
    19 January 2021 in reply to Guest909

    I saw my social worker today, she is going to help me by teaching me how to communicate with people, something taken for granted for those of you that had parents and taught you the simple things. You may not agree that’s right for me but I like her and want to stick with her long term. She tells me I’m not like her bdp other patients, I don’t go to emergency department or create drama...I have stepped up my exercise and am doing things I missed out on as a child/teenager. I’ve joined tennis, it costs $2 per week and I’m back to dance two nights a week which is being paid for out of my food money, it’s too hot here to eat. Going to be 43 at the end of the week. I received the psychiatrist letters and have changed gp, my social worker will teach me, it won’t be dbt, it will be the approach like teaching a child even though I’m 48. I hope those of you reading do not give up on Sleepy, she is such a worthwhile person as one can see from the comments on her post. I ask any of you if you wish to say something, follow it through all the way to me. Yes I’m a black and white thinker, it’s hard to change after years of trauma. I know I do not matter to people here and that’s ok. I have a long history of trauma of various types, death, violence, rape, alcoholism from birth to 17. It’s a wonder I’m still alive, a few people say they are proud of how I’ve turned out with all the obstacles thrown at me. Yes, I know I’m abnormal and highly sensitive but putting it there not for people to trigger me if they comment or just throw me on the too hard basket.

     

    1 person found this helpful

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