Hi Quirky, mb20lover, Grandy and all

Thanks for your support and clarification on when to report a post. I know I will now be more confident making a report.

Quirky, thank you for your kind reassurance. I am happy to answer your question.

I recently had a conversation with someone thinking about ending their life. I felt a meaningful connection and that I was doing some good. Then this person disappeared.

I can't stop wondering if I inadvertently said something wrong. My rational brain knows there are a multitude of reasons why the conversation may have ended and it's not all about me. But I can't stop worrying about them. I keep hoping to see them on the forum, just to know that they're ok.

Words have meaning. And it's a huge responsibility to provide support to others who are seriously unwell. I think I just have a growing awareness of how easy it would be to unintentionally cause harm and it scares me.

Has anyone else ever felt that way?

Kind thoughts to all

Hey SummerRose, I'm sorry to hear that.

I have also had these conversations with people about SH & the same things as you. I have tried to talk them out of it and be supportive but they've disappeared too, or some people have come back and I've said I'm glad to see them but got excluded. I always worry about these people and if I did something wrong too, I just want to know that they're ok

Hi SummerRose i think it's understandable to feel that way.

These forums are tricky with things like that.

I hope that ppl are okay also and sometimes am concerned or feel those connections u mentiond - feel like there is a meaningful connection.

Then it is hard to not know if the person is okay. It's very temporary here, a place where ppl stop by, but many do not stay.

That's true Sleepy. I went away for a bit and came back. I want to try and make it a New Years Resolution to come on here more, and try to get off Facebook for a bit, or use it less at least. I also like here that there's a bit of anonymity, so we don't know what each other looks like, etc. but at the same time it would be cool to meet everybody. So we all still have our privacy here and we can share experiences with people who get it.

Plus I get bored & don't have much else to do, I like coming on here at night, & during the day too.

Summer Rose the forums as you know are moderated especially those involving SH.

If there was a risk involved the person would be contacted . I think it is natural to wonder if something you said caused someone to not return. In fact statistically the average posts and I stand corrected is about 2 or 3.

Sleepy you are right not many stay very long. thy may reach out get help and then go.

Every person who answers another is a real support and a vital part of the forum.

These discussions are helpful.

Hi Quirky

Yes, I realise the forum is moderated. But the moderators can't possibly catch everything. That's why I think how and when to use the report post button really needs to be explained and understood. I think we all need as much "back up" as possible, given the high stakes.

I can't remember the process when I first joined. Perhaps users could be asked to sign a "memorandum of understanding" when joining? Don't know how people would feel about that.

Kind thoughts to you

Hi Sleepy and Mb20lover

Thank you for helping me feel less alone with my concern.

Kind thoughts to you

Good point Summer Rose. Maybe it could be something like when you join a Facebook group how it says "I agree to all rules"?

And you're welcome, that's what we're here for

hi Summer Rose

I agree with what ur saying about the high stakes and that the report button should be demystified a bit and explained how to use.
Also that you can report a user who is not necessarily upsetting you, but may be causing harm to others - if you "catch" something for example.

Hi Everyone, it's always good to have these comments to revitalise the forum as there are particular times of the year that generate joy for some, but certainly great sadness and despair in the memories it creates, because people do experience low moods and a loss of pleasure in any activities by pretending to be OK and manage to hide their condition by a smile.

When a thread is created it outlines what the person is struggling with, some people just read, while others want to reply back, but may not for a number of reasons, so we shouldn't blame them for not doing so and accept that perhaps, that today they're not feeling capable, or the comments are too distressing, but tomorrow they'll be able to.

Put us in another position such as, will I mow the grass today or leave it until tomorrow, well sometimes it is better to put off for tomorrow what you could do today, it's recognising your own limitations and working with them, don't stretch your boundaries, you must look after yourself.

There should not be anyone asking why you didn't reply, that's not their position to even contemplate, the effort you've been able to accomplish has been unimaginable, much more than you had ever anticipated, and that's what you should take credit for.

We all know that our own mood can fluctuate, why, well we've all had to cope with any type of depression, even if counselling has helped us 'to see the light', but we still have to adjust.

Everyone of us should be confident that at least on one occasion, we have helped a person, take the credit you deserve, it's a job well done.

Beest wishes.

Geoff.

Bravo Geoff,

I have been trying to encapsulate the essence of the forums and you have summed it up perfectly. Whatever is offered is unconditional (no warranties expressed or implied!) - all are free to take and/or give as they see fit or are able on the understanding that mutual benefits are received in either direction.

Equally, the opinions expressed can be heeded, dismissed, or ignored as one would observe when shopping for groceries. If posts need to be vetted for appropriateness to the sensitivities of individual perception, then the concept of 'forum' would be corrupted, necessitating unrealistic attention from both posters and moderators.

The only option is to address the content objectively (but empathetically) to ensure the topic is explored in all its diversity.

Regards,

t.

hi all

interesting discussions and points - thanks all

Hi all
I think the empathy element Traczcrybe mentioned is pretty essential... I really do think though there's a difference between stepping back from a discussion, a particular question, a thread, or something triggering - then treating one user in a way that is excluding and makes them feel they are unable to participate in a certain part of the forums - like it's a private or special discussion for certain members.

Sleepy21 and mb20lover

I have said this before I am very sorry if you both have felt excluded and anyone else is excluded, as I believe in the forum and I know there are hopefully far more people who feel welcomed than are excluded.
I , like you both , always try to welcome people and are very kind and understanding.
I think welI I know there are enough kind people on the forum to stop people from feeling excluded . We can only try.

I agree with you mb20lover lover, no one intentionally excludes.

I agree saying welcome or hello or thank you for your comment.

Your posts are helping people to be aware to make people feel welcome.

Many people read posts than reply so your words will reach a lot of people.

Thank you quirky, glad I can help.

Also Mods, is there a way to remove my BlueVoices Badge please? I didn't mean to sign up for it in the first place and I can't find a way to get rid of it

Ive been a bit quiet for the last week or so reading through these posts.

the obsessive intrusive inner voice has me convinced that i may have said something On the forums that was Taken as offensive. I hope that is not the case, because like many, im here to help, and offer suggestions based on my situation.

A thing to remember is that text cannot convey tone very well, so the interpretation of language used is down to the reader.

Not_Batman

Referring to the main topic..

it maybe be too confusing, but may it be possible to change the structure of the forum posts into some sort of tree view so if some conversations go off on a tangent they can, but the main topic (the root) can still be posted on...kind of like how windows does the folder explorer view, rather than the current linear format.

Not_Batman