dear Rox, I wish I could welcome you on a good note, but that's not to be, because the love of your life has gone.
It's almost 10 months since he left you and that's a long time to suffer all by yourself, because the absolute pain has been with you for everyday of this period, and you don't have any support such as family or friends.
There must have been a reason why this happened, and I do hope that you are strong enough to let us know.
There are many scenarios that we could think of but that wouldn't be fair for you, because we maybe wrong, and if so, then this will just aggravate your situation, causing you more harm.
It does worry me that if you were given some drugs that you may do the wrong thing, but this can be overcome, because the doctor will prescribe the medication to be picked up from the chemist every couple of days, so this would stop you from taking too much, and there are pharmacies that will do this, and you sound as though you should be taking some medication, which will help you relax and to help you.
If you want to write him a letter, it's probably best to do it when you have a clear mind, because at the moment you might say something which would upset the both of you, and that's the last thing you want to do.
I really do want you to get back to us, and hopefully mention the circumstances why he did, but only in your time, but can I say to you that there are many wonderful people on this site who have been to hell and back several times, and many who are still trying to cope with their depression, but have the courage to support anyone else.
I was married about 25 years, and if we were still married it would be 38 years now, which like yours is a decent period, but please get back to us. L Geoff. x