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Forums / Relationship and family issues / A sudden and unresolved break up

Topic: A sudden and unresolved break up

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. someguy82
    someguy82 avatar
    1 posts
    6 August 2015

    I am currently finding it very stressful getting over a relationship. Throughout the relationship she was always very back on forth in what she told me. She would say she wanted a realtinship and then go completely in the opposite direction (yet always providing hope that she wanted it to work out). We actually broke it off three times in total, with her initiating starting it again each time. the last time she came down to seee me one night and explained that she often runs away from relationships and that she didn't want too do this with me. less than a week later she did exactly the same thing.

    One of the hardest parts is she did not see me to telll me this. She just left and I never saw her again. She texted but didn't even call. We kept in contact for a while (probably a bad idea) but never saw or spoke to each other. She now does not communicate at all.

    I last saw her a few months ago and I know it wouldn't have worked out but I'm finding it hard top let go and its really causing my anxiety and depression symptoms to become almost unbearable. I know it would not have worked out and tell myself this and that it was good to meet her anyway and try to make it positive. I keep active, date other people and all the other things that should help but recently its been harder and harder to do this and my anxiety and depression is becoming worse.

    I don't know whats going to make it better.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    white knight avatar
    9755 posts
    6 August 2015 in reply to someguy82

    Hi someguy, welcome here

    This post reminds me of a 6 years relationship in my 20's. 6 years of living with a girl that left me (sounds unbelievable) at least once a week. She usually left a note but sometimes didn't. I'd come home from work and she'd be gone and each time was as bad as the last. I never did get used to it. Such was my love for her.

    So, after 5 years of this occurring I told her how much I loved her but in 12 months time if we hadn't moved forward and she stopped leaving me I'd call it a day.

    12 month arrived and it was still happening. The very next day she left again, usual thing. I left also and didn't return. It was tough.

    A few weeks went by and she got together with a distant mate of mine. After 8 months or so I met him at a local shop and we chatted. Yep- she was doing the same to him.

    Now in fairness she has psychiatric issues. Had a tough childhood from a poor family and had a child adopted when she was 15yo. But one should not remain in a relationship for sympathy reasons.

    Twenty years later I was driving past. I dropped in and - she wasn't with a guy. Nothing much had change din that time. She was still and indecisive person. I had no regrets.

    You need to be brave. Loving someone that has one or two major issues in life doesn't mean it will work out. Love is but on component. Like heavy gambling or alcoholism. If some behaviours are extreme it doesn't matter how much you love someone.

    Finally, don't fool yourself. You are capable of loving another and possibly more because you wont have major unsolvable issues to confront.

    Take care and move on. This experience will have its positives.

    Tony WK

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