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Topic: Always my fault

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. ..K
    ..K avatar
    4 posts
    12 August 2021

    Evening

    unfortunately I always keep my issues bottled up when I talk to my husband about anything that’s on my mind he ALWAYS blames it on me. It makes me feel completely worthless and like everything is my fault or turns it around and makes me feel like he’s the one not good enough.
    then I get to over thinking everything and feel extremely insecure.
    I have absolutely no friends so I cannot turn to anyone. I just need some help

    i Want to be the best mother I can be for my kids. I want to be happy. I don’t want to be made to feel like every argument is my fault.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1339 posts
    12 August 2021 in reply to ..K

    Hi ……..K,

    So sorry you are feeling this way……

    I understand, try not to keep your issues bottled up you need to discuss issues with your husband I know it’s hard sometimes when your husband reacts in a way that he blames you…. But that is a reflection of your husband and his perceptions not yours! Do you know what ….you get to choose how you react to your husband………

    When he blames you just try to let it go for your internal sake…… don’t feel like you need to question yourself you know your a good person….. tell yourself great things about yourself……. I’m sorry your husband makes you feel worthless when you argue…… don’t allow your perception from what he is saying make you feel that way…… you know better and I’m sure your a great mum…..

    You can’t change some one who does not see an issue with their actions

    You can only change how you react to them

    Sorry you have no friends, we are all a lovely caring community here we are happy to be your friend and chat to you 😊

    I’m here to chat to you 😊

  3. Amanda2000
    Amanda2000 avatar
    135 posts
    12 August 2021 in reply to ..K

    Hi ..K

    I'm in the exact same position. Most conversations with my husband do not end well. I always regret having started the conversation because I always end up feeling much much worse. I suffer from depression/anxiety/ocd. Not only that he cannot give me the emotional support I would like, he keeps blaming me for not making lifestyle changes to fix my issues! It makes me so upset that he makes no effort in researching/understanding my condition and then just trivialises the matter.

    I'm an introvert & homebody. I can be very friendly with colleagues at work but I don't have any real friends. My husband was the last person that I could talk to. Now that last open door has been shut!

    Here are a few things that can help me feel a little better:

    Try to focus on my husband's good qualities and let go of his weaknesses. He takes care of a lot of things and he gets things done, so he does free up some of my time.

    Recognise that he and I will always think differently. Embrace the differences! We complement each other and fill-in each other's gaps. Try to work as a team.

    As a mother, we need to look after ourselves too. Our kids will always pick fault in the way we're raising them. Just relax and do our best. We don't have to sacrifice everything for our family!

    Are you in lockdown? How are you coping? Take care.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15301 posts
    13 August 2021 in reply to ..K

    Hello K, I'm sorry you keep being blamed fr everything, because when this happens, you won't have the strength to look after your kids, your confidence will have subsided.

    If you feel happier away from your husband because of his domination then you may have various decisions to make, because it's unlikely he will want to change, but you can for your own benefit.

    Please get back to us.

    Geoff.

  5. Shariffe
    Shariffe avatar
    4 posts
    13 August 2021 in reply to ..K

    Hi ..K,

    I am going through the exact same issue with my wife she always thought I made her feel unworthy and unappreciated but the thing is I deal with depression and anxiety also and I never saw that I was treating her that way sometimes people don't see what they are doing might hurt others I have learnt that in the last 4 months since being separated from my wife you need to be open and speak to him about how you feel the more you bottle it up the less he will understand don't be like me and realise it's to late to fix anything. I also have 2 kids and you need to be strong for your kids for your love towards your husband. I am also in the same boat no friends to turn to and I also signed up to beyondblue yesterday trying to seek here if you need a friend happy to talk to you..

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    129 posts
    13 August 2021 in reply to ..K

    Hi K,

    I know exactly how you feel when someone doesn't take the blame and I'm sorry that your husband keeps blaming you. It can be very exhausting and can make you feel unappreciated and anxious. It is not acceptable.

    Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? I personally think that will help. You may feel that doing so would make you vulnerable, and risk them making you feel even worse by blaming you even more. This will make you feel empowered as you are directly telling him what he does that make you feel bad.

    If not then I recommend couple counselling which may be a little overwhelming at first but will help significantly.

    Hope this helps!

  7. quietreader
    quietreader avatar
    1 posts
    8 September 2021 in reply to ..K

    Hi K,

    You are brave in deciding to reach out to this forum. I have only just joined today myself in the event I build up the courage to do the same. I'm also sorry this is happening to you.

    I am grateful that this kind of service exists for people like us who have no one else to talk too.

    I am in a similar situation to you, while there are many issues in our marriage, my husband belittles me on a daily basis, though he says he doesn't mean too and tells me why, it also makes me feel worthless.

    But one thing that kind of helps me get through these situations is that I witnessed my mum go through the same thing with my dad till the day she died, and I swore to myself that I was not going to put up with that. But here I am. The trouble also is he can be loving at times.

    I also know that when he makes fun of me or calls me names it's not true, even though it hurts like hell. I also try to look forward to when I have time to myself and my many hobbies.

    You have to remember YOU ARE WORTH IT. I hope to my post my own story on here in the next few days once I build up the courage.

  8. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12372 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to ..K

    K as you can see several posters can relate to you.

    I have a partner who is always right so I never argue or disagree as it only causes more upset and argument.

    Quiet reader welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story

  9. puzzlegirl
    puzzlegirl avatar
    32 posts
    12 September 2021 in reply to ..K

    Hi ..K...

    I too have a 'Mr Right', and nothing I can do or say is right. I feel anxious about speaking to him, doing anything around him in case it is wrong. And I overthink like you until I am exhausted. It is very draining, and makes you feel worthless as you say. I'm sorry you have to feel this way. As much as you may desperately want emotional connection with him and to feel you are valuable to him, with someone like this it is usually just not possible. And that's on him, not you. Which is why it is so so important not to find your self-worth in him. It also unfortunately means putting up a bit of a strong wall against his 'right' ways- you can do this by reminding yourself that you are a unique and valuable person who is not defined by how you are treated. You are more than that. Appreciate his good qualities, yes, but don't be ok with allowing his words to cut you to pieces. Take care.

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