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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Anxious son in London

Topic: Anxious son in London

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. iamsotired
    iamsotired avatar
    73 posts
    2 October 2014

    Last year my eldest son and his wife presented me with a beautiful Grandson. They unfortunately live in London.

    Early this year my daughter in law returned very distressed to Australia, to stay with her Mum. 

    My son had had an affair. I feel such shame and disbelief that a son of mine could do such a thing. It is very out of character, or so I thought.

    He has come out here to talk with his wife and see his son, but has returned to London. He feels ashamed.

    Recently on my Grandson's first birthday, I had a long and difficult conversation with my daughter in law. What she has revealed has opened so many ?????

    The woman he had the affair with has been very obviously chasing my son for two years. My daughter in law has even has words with her saying keep your hands off my husband. This woman works with my son in a ver stressful job.

    i also was inform ed that my son was anxious about their marriage, move to London, purchase of their London home and birth of their son. My daughter in law said she was tired of helping him with their anxieties, especially since he is a very poor communicator related to personal matters. My son is a brilliant finical lawyer, who was head hunted for his job. I am told that his job is his security now, he is anxious about leaving it to follow his family to Australia. 

    But his anxiety at times is such that he will ring is wife here, at all hours.

    She has organised a therapist for him to see weekly and friends to drop in and check on him.

    i suffer from major depression, general anxiety and I am finding this whole situation over whelming 

    if anyone has any advice, words of ..... Help

  2. Jacko777
    Valued Contributor
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    Jacko777 avatar
    781 posts
    2 October 2014 in reply to iamsotired

    I hope your son will see the therapist that your daughter in-law has organised, as you know, this will help him to regain some balance and address his anxiety. So the ball is rolling, try and take some satisfaction from this, he is about to get help, things should improve for him.

    Your son is one part of your life. I know he is a large part and you love him dearly, that is clear. But to re-energise your self you could start focusing on other parts of your life that are running smoothly, perhaps you could spend some time each day doing the things you love, being thankful for where you are right now. You want to find strength so that you can be there for your family. And if you have done all that you can for your son you could practice remembering that when you start to worry...practice not giving thought to something you cannot change. 

    Many on this site will understand what you are going through and will have great advice and support. Hang in there mate, love to you. x

  3. Guest_9466
    Guest_9466 avatar
    90 posts
    4 October 2014 in reply to iamsotired

    Difficult as it is for you to accept, your health comes first, you come first. After all, how can you give to others, if you are operating on empty. When I learn to love myself, I then learn to love others. Took me a long time to get to this place of self awareness and self acceptance that I am not perfect and that's ok, that I made mistakes and that's ok too but best of all, I learn to love me, warts and all.

    As for your son, love him but forgive him for his wrongdoing (affair with his colleague). A long time ago, I was taught by hubby about unconditional love. It was alien to me until one day, I learned the 'true' meaning of unconditional love. I learned to embrace my mistakes and let go of the shame, learned to forgive myself. Hope it helps.

  4. iamsotired
    iamsotired avatar
    73 posts
    11 October 2014 in reply to Jacko777

    Thank you Jacko and morning glory for your reflections.

    I am sorry I cannot respond further at this time.

     

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