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Forums / Relationship and family issues / BB Single Parents Group

Topic: BB Single Parents Group

  1. kanga_brumby
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    4883 posts
    13 July 2017

    Wanting to get better my children are 15 and 18 one is looking after herself the other is being looked after. I was looking after both until recently when my health went bad. So I still relate to putting the children before myself. Saying the right things to them being there when they needed me. Even now they get preference over me going to a doctor or not. If I have any cash left over ( rarely) it goes on them. There welfare is ahead of mine, sound familiar.

    Peter

  2. Wanting to get better
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    12 posts
    13 July 2017 in reply to kanga_brumby

    Sure does peter

    tell me about your health and what state do you live

    😀Therese

  3. kanga_brumby
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    13 July 2017 in reply to Wanting to get better

    Well the short version arthritis both knees, diabetic type 2, blind in right eye, depression, Sleep Apnoea, Asama. That about covers the illnesses I live in Melbourne, but have been in five states. Either living, working or on holidays. I was in the scouts for years, also was a member of the State Emergency Service.

    Peter

  4. Wanting to get better
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    12 posts
    15 July 2017 in reply to kanga_brumby

    Oh my goodness peter

    i have no reason to complain. With the illness you have to deal with. I hope you have support close by

  5. Wanting to get better
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    12 posts
    15 July 2017 in reply to CMF

    Good morning cmf

    do you still have your own home

    did your husband leave you with anything

  6. CMF
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    15 July 2017 in reply to Wanting to get better
    Hi yes with a mortgage. Sorry thinking about it gives me great anxiety.
    2 people found this helpful
  7. Wanting to get better
    Wanting to get better avatar
    12 posts
    15 July 2017 in reply to CMF

    Oh sweetie. Why is that

    are you working

    what state are you

  8. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9212 posts
    7 December 2017 in reply to Wanting to get better
    To: "dads in distress" 2012

    TWO PROMISES

    I walk around my backyard in the middle of the night
    Look up to choose a star the brightest of the bright
    Then name that star after my daughter youngest of my two
    The one that refuses to contact me, poisoned by you know who?

    Yes my first wife bled me dry of all tolerance of my mind
    I worked 3 jobs so she could stay at home, mother of a kind
    Then as my eyes dropped waterfalls as I slowly closed that door
    Forced I was, to leave my babies 7 the other 4

    A garage for my home as I toiled to make a life
    Battled 2 days in a fortnight against stories from my wife
    To set the record straight as they grew and cradled me blue
    Little girls hollowing saddest words “we want to keep you”.

    And the fairy garden got some use as they waved their magic wands
    Wings were flapping madly as they ran around the ponds
    Finished my own home built with my hands so grouse
    Letter in the mail “I deserve more money as he has a brand new house”

    So I understand my friend if you read these poems of mine
    Been there done that, like you I am human kind
    Never let her get to you don’t let her win that game
    Never tell your kids- “only your mother is to blame”

    Hold your head up high and never let it fall
    Focus on your kids and always be at their call
    For they will recall how you never gave up on them
    And karma comes to those that think they deserve better men

    I walk around my backyard in the middle of the night
    Look up to choose a star the brightest of the bright
    Then name that star after my daughter youngest of my two
    The one that was poisoned going on for twenty two…

    Fathers grieve and love their kids no matter what is said
    Make two promises to yourself inside your grieving head
    Never hurt yourself nor any other human being
    The other is to be the very best dad the world has ever seen….

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Guest_161
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    38 posts
    7 January 2018

    Hi everyone

    I just came across the single parent thread and thought ild join in on the ups and downs of the single parent roll.

    Someone mentioned depression whilst being a single parent is hard, it most certainly is !!

    im 30 with a 5 year old boy, iv been a single parent from day 1, iv only ever had my parents for help but 3 out of the 5 years my brother was fighting cancer so many of the times there was no one to watch my son, this made it hard for me to also visit my brother and then he passed away last year which iv dealt with it pretty bad and am still not dealing with it very good, chuck in behaviour issues from my 5 year old i can say im truly hating life.

    I cant simply go to the shop for a loaf of bread most times with out him running riot , like today i was paying for some flowers at the check out hes standing next to me picking his finger nails into tomatoes , i didnt notice until i heard someone ask him stop i then told him to stop also which only makes it worse these days it gives him the feeling to keep doing it for the fact i told him off grrrr.

    I swear he loves my mum more then me , hes not so bad behaved with her.

    Is anyone elses child better when they are with someone else ?

  10. CMF
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    7 January 2018 in reply to Guest_161

    Hi Guest 161 and welcome,

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and the struggle you've had.

    I think most children behave better with others and I think it is a security thing. Your son feel safe and secure with you so he behaves how he wants because he knows you will always be there for him. I have 2 teenagers and a 4 year old. My teenagers argue with me, typical behaviour, but they are very polite with other people. I accept this as normal parent/child relationship. If they spoke to others the way they speak to me at times I would be mortified lol. I'm not saying it's acceptable to speak rudely to me but they know I will be here no matter what.

    I hope this makes sense.

    cmf

  11. kanga_brumby
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    8 January 2018 in reply to Guest_161

    Guest_161 hi sorry to hear about the loss of your brother, I am still getting over the loss of my partner in 2004. Things keep popping up to remind me of her. Or for me to talk on an issue that was close to her heart.

    What I have found with children either gender is. The less they know the other person the better they behave. They all seam to do this. Around mum and dad because they will say no or take away toys etc the one thing that cannot be taken away is a bad attitude. It's pay back. Because grand parents give lollies, toys, ice cream etc they behave well to get more of the goddies. That's my theory

    Kanga

    1 person found this helpful
  12. CMF
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    11 February 2019 in reply to Wanting to get better

    Well hello,

    Feeling a little frustrated tonight. One of my best friend's daughter's is having a 16th bday party thi wekend.My daughter is invited. They live 2 mins away from us. My son will not be home and i have little miss 5 who will be asleep by the time the party ends. I asked my friend if someone could bring my daughter home as i cannot get there to pick her up. She said they will be keeping tabs until the last person has left (for safety reasons) and that my daughter can sleep there if she likes. It was nice to offer for her to sleep there but seriously, there are 2 parents there and we live 2 mins away. Couldn't one of them pop out to bring her home? Am i being irrational? The party is at their home, I'm sure there is only a handful of people. People just don't get it. Am i over reacting? A couple of weeks ago we were invited there for her daughters 5th bday. It was a Thursday night, the day before my 15 yo started school and my little miss had her 3rd day of school. The cake was cut at 9pm, chocolate mud and ice cream cake. My little miss was the only child there, the rest was family, all adults. There were lots of lollies and sugar. Little miss was beside herself by 9pm, tired, full of sugar. I felt annoyed that there was so much sugar on a weeknight and feel it would have been better if they just had family and didn't invite us. It was too late o a weeknight and the week of school starting.

    Again, am i being irrational.? I am just so tired.

  13. sister moon
    sister moon avatar
    100 posts
    15 February 2019

    Hi Everyone,

    Not sure if this thread is still going but as a full time single mum I was happy to see that it existed. Can be so lonely at times.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. CMF
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    15 February 2019 in reply to sister moon

    Hi sister moon and welcome,

    Yep, it is still going, glad you found it. Tell us about yourself...if you want to of course.

    Great to have you as part of the BB family

    cmf x

  15. sister moon
    sister moon avatar
    100 posts
    15 February 2019 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF,

    Thanks for the welcome. For some reason this morning I could not see the recent posts just older ones. Just read your post from the other day. Yeah that would frustrate me too. Must be hard not being able to leave the house to pick up your kid and your friend not understanding. Also just sometimes find things that highlight the fact that I am just one person a bit like salt in wounds. I am not sure about you but as a single parent I try so hard all the time to do as good a job as 2 parents.... But well there are some things that we just can't ever do- Like being 2 places at once. And frankly that sucks!

    I hear you with the late night and sugar thing to.

    I hope the party worked out okay.

    Good luck. Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job.

    And tired is super super hard.

    Take care

    Sistermoon

  16. Labs4life
    Labs4life  avatar
    42 posts
    27 May 2019 in reply to Guest_161

    Hi Guest_61

    i just found this group. My husband left me 3 days ago and I’m hurting like crazy. I have two kids 8 and 5 and yes they act better around other people. It’s always me getting all their emotions and bad behaviour (wouldn’t say too bad as it’s normal for them to be acting out)

    i just wish sometimes they will just get along and listen to me as of this morning they were fighting and not getting ready for school and I couldn’t help but cry as I was just sad hurt and every other emotion as I have to deal with him leaving me and deal with the kids having a hard time that he moved out.

    They don’t understand (I don’t understand) he says he doesn’t love me but can’t tell us why and why he can’t live with us anymore

    all day today I have been trying to sort out Centrelink and nothing has gone right.

    I am so sad and want to skip all this bit till I’m happy and the kids are.

  17. MsBakingCookies
    MsBakingCookies avatar
    2 posts
    22 October 2019

    Hi,

    Im new... I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed and pretty much crappy about myself. I feel like I’m not doing enough for my boys and that they’re constantly misbehaving around me and they never listen to me. I try really really hard to stay calm... but they keep going... until I start yelling. Some days (rare days) I feel like “yep I’ve got this”. Most days I’m forcing myself to get out of bed, forcing myself to go to work (full time) and pretend to be all chirpy and bubbly, forcing myself to clean the house, look after the boys, cook, take them to their never ending extra curricular activities and do everything else. When the boys are finally asleep and I look in the mirror, I just hate myself. I just think you’re so dumb. You’re in this position... because of you. Because you’re pathetic and worthless. It’s better then being with their dad. It was a million times worse...
    It’s crazy right? Am I being a drama queen... tell me I’m not the only one...

  18. MsBakingCookies
    MsBakingCookies avatar
    2 posts
    23 October 2019 in reply to Labs4life
    What you described about your two kids sounds just like my two! They’re the same age too. They love each other but bicker about everything. Especially before school. My eldest is constantly lashing out at me and my youngest is starting to go through the I’m not listening to you phase. I often feel like I’m at my wits end as well!
  19. Lisa_A
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    1 posts
    16 November 2019 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF,

    I totally understand how you feel.

    I have 2 girls , eldest 23,youngest one 15. I have been through all that stuff with ex as well He moved on to new wife had a child with her..Only has time with them. My daughters both suffered with no care from their father.100% care from me. They were lucky to maybe get a text or invite for day out and when my eldest was in primary school maybe a weekend here and there.

    Just so neglectful and absent father. When my daughter had trouble in high school I asked him for help, he just made excuses and honestly couldn't care less.

    I feel for you ,ex s just dumped you with all the care and upbringing of THEIR children as well. Totally neglectful a holes.

    Contact Child support, I did find them helpful to help with shared care and to discuss father's responsibilities.

    What also gets to me is they do nothing for their children then complain of the amount of child support they pay!! No one human should have a price on their head!!It's their child!!

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Holi
    Holi avatar
    9 posts
    27 November 2019
    Hi new single mum of twin 18 yr Olds,nice to see a place to for single parents, like someone's comments here life does get lonely sometimes.one of my son's has level 2 autism spectrum disorder and severe OCD.
  21. Sweesoft
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    60 posts
    16 March 2020 in reply to Holi

    Hello,

    I am a single mom of an 11 yr old boy. Well like all of you, it is pretty tough to raise our kids with no one but us, single moms. It is really a challenge to discipline, understanding, patient and to provide for our kid/s. But somehow, it is fulfilling indeed!

    Connecting with our kid/s is the most helpful way to raise them. Enjoy moments with them each day :)

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Matchy69
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    16 March 2020

    I am a single dad with a 16y.o daughter and 8 y.o son both with autism like me.It can be such a struggle at times.I try to be the best parent i can be.

    Take care,

    Mark.

    2 people found this helpful
  23. CMF
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    16 March 2020 in reply to Matchy69
    Hi all and welcome to the new comers . We all have our challenges but all doing the best we can.

    How is everyone coping with the current situation? I'm trying to remain positive, no listen to the media and take it day by day.

    Take care

    Cmf x
  24. Matchy69
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    16 March 2020 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF it is a new challenge as a parent with the current crises.The schools have today where my kids go become really strict and my son was only allowed in after the teacher had asked me if my son had a cough or runny nose etc and then he was sent home early as he didnt wash his hands after touching his nose.Now i have try and teach my son with autism try not to touch his face and wash his hands more.It really is stressing me out.

    Take care,

    Mark.

  25. CMF
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    16 March 2020 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Wow, that is tough :-(. There are people coughing everywhere. Change of season, allergies, common cold. I have a cold at the moment and stayed home from work today. Every cough is not THE virus. Some of us still have just the common cold. I do feel it has gone a little overboard. To the best of my knowledge it is the elderly and chronically ill mostly at risk, and then you need to have a high fever also, the rest of us should cope ok if we got the virus. I'm certainly not trying to water it down but people cough and sneeze all the time. I also worry if we keep sterilising we will never develop immunities. It is a tough one.

    I feel for you.

  26. Matchy69
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    16 March 2020 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF it seems like a different world we live in now.My daughter does have asthma to.We have had cooler weather in the mornings and warm days which seems to give you a bit of a runny nose and that.Its really hard explaining to kids whats going on that their is no sport,shop shelves are empty and cant get what they want.I just hope a cure or vaccine can be found soon for it.

    Take care,

    Mark.

    1 person found this helpful
  27. CMF
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    16 March 2020 in reply to Matchy69
    Yes, my little miss 6 keeps reminding me that I said she could have a bday party this year. Her bday is next week and I've had to explain that a friends party won't be happening. My son is worried his uni will close, teenage daughter not concerned just upset her music performances have been cancelled. I'm trying to have faith that things will settle soon, panic buying will stop and people will behave rationally. When I start to feel anxious I remind myself and my kids that it's not just us, everyone is affected - everyone.
  28. Matchy69
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    17 March 2020 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF everyone is in the same boat.I moved out to a small country town from the city for the kids to give them a quieter and more peaceful life style.But their is no escaping it here.

    Take care,

    Mark.

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Ace1988
    Ace1988 avatar
    16 posts
    6 April 2020

    Hi all,

    I warn, this may be a lengthy post on this thread.
    move been a single parent for 10+ years, with my sons father only being in his life for 8 of those on and off. My son is 11, and is showing signs of hormonal changes (my god, why don’t they warn you about these pre birth?!) But lately we have REALLY been butting heads... I wonder if it’s just hormones, or this covid isolation insanity, or both?
    He was meant to stay at his dads for a week this week, starting this past Friday. He stayed a totally of one night before I received a message to pick him up at 11:39 pm because his dad was yelling and carrying on with his partner and threatening suicide... which no child should ever witness and hear their parent discussing. I’m beyond angry at his father for being so selfish and not thinking of the fact that our son was there, so of course I went and picked him up. I’m just wondering if him blowing up today is a response to that?
    I’m exhausted and worried that I’m not doing this parenting thing right and second guessing whether I should shelter him from his mentally unstable father.

  30. Matchy69
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    7 April 2020 in reply to Ace1988

    Hi Ace1988,love your nickname,are you a Doctor who fan?For doing the parenting thing right,i think your doing a great job.Their is no rules for being a parent and find parenting is different for each child.You did the right thing with your son pulling him out of that not so good situation with his dad.You are right he should not be hearing that.Unfortunately a lot do.As for your dons hormone changes he is growing up and becoming a man and it really is a difficult time for him and maby unsure what is happening and maby embarressed to talk to you about it.I know when i started shaving i could never tell my mother that i needed a razor and shaving cream.I know when i was going through hormone changes that after being really close with my mother i became more distant from her.Try and have sn open conversation with him and respect his boundries and let him know you love him and that you are there for him.

    Take care,

    Mark.

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