Oh Dear, my heart reaches out to you, please do not think you are alone. I’m also bipolar as well as adhd and gad. I tried for so long to manage my mental illness on my own as my wife would accuse me of using it as an excuse. I learned to seek professional help from therapists and psychs and changed my meds around a lot. I use to not foster close relationships with mates but learned to very quickly when my marriage started slipping away.
we tried marriage counselling but ultimately it got us nowhere.
I am now past the grief stage and the dark places in my mind and have found renewed vigour with my children, friends, work and hobbies.
Again I take solace in the fact that I am not alone and many of my close friends also have a marriage of convenience because they are staying together for the kids or because they can’t afford to get divorced.
Please remember you have to fix yourself before you can help others or your marriage, if your husband is not patient enough to sit back and support you then perhaps things aren’t meant to be.
Best of luck and remember the first person in the world is yourself. I always put my wife and children before me but if I can’t truly love myself then how can I love others.
all the very best to you