hey there people

i've been, or had been, with my boyfriend for almost a year. it was supposed to be our first anniversary in a week. but... it was an online relationship. we met up only once, a few months ago, and he was so freaking perfect and sweet, and I still love him, but what we had just wasn't going to work - 5 years. online. it's hard, and painful. so I broke it off when things began to go downhill. i feel like the worst person in the world, because he still loves me, and I still love him. please give me advice on how to react to all of this.. he was my first love, and now he's leaving my life, possibly even forever. i feel awful.

Hi DreamyCream,

I'm really sorry to hear about your break up. I cannot imagine the pain and difficulty that you and your friend went through during your time together to keep your long distance relationship. I recently broke off from a 1 year relationship with a wonderful person, and she was my first love as well, so I can understand what you're going through breaking off from your first love, and to be honest, the feeling really sucks. I'm always happy to lend you an ear without any judgement if there's anything you'd like to chat about.

Jt

Thank you so much jt, I really appreciate that you have taken the time to reply. I want to talk more about it tomorrow, I would be glad to hear anything you have to say.

Dream

Hello DreamyCream, and a warm welcome to the forums.

You can't forget the year that everyone has had to try and cope with, it's one that nobody had ever expected, being locked up in isolation because of this epidemic, so perhaps this may have made your situation difficult, but being your first love makes it even harder to try and cope with, especially when you both love each other.

Much can be said between two people when talking online if you haven't met each other and this can be shown as soon as you see one another, that love is present, however, as you begin to know more about the person being together, secrets may slowly be revealed, this doesn't mean you don't love him, all it means is that his way of thinking doesn't agree with yours.

Your first love is so important because it leaves such an incredible memory for you, but it's the beginning of being able to develop how to learn other people, the good points as well as the bad and then how to cope with them.

Your love will flow onto another person who, likewise, loves you, just as you love them, where you begin to grow together, knowing what each other adores in each other's world, it may seem to be lost but will develop you into another person and slowly grow forward.

Please get back to us when you're available.

Geoff.

Hello Geoff, and thank you <3

I figure, I may as well vent the whole story.. even if no one wants to read it I really need to talk.

I met him in February last year (2020), just as all the covid kerfuffle began. We became fast friends, as I had just been dumped by my last friend group through text, and was feeling vulnerable, lonely, grabbing onto anyone I could and being obsessive. My parents got concerned for me, as I was growing depressed and isolated without my bubbly friends. So they put me into a group of homeschool kids, and now at least I had somewhere to chat. The first time I called the group through messenger, I instantly found him attractive, though I had never spoken to him before, and so I messaged him privately as I wanted to get to know him better. For about 4 months he was my best friend, and I would tell him all of my news. Looking back on my messages to him, I was utterly oblivious to his flirting and sweet words. On June 4th, I asked him to be my boyfriend, and so we got together. We video called for hours every day, rapidly growing closer. We know each other thoroughly and can predict every move. Skipping forward to December 15th, I got my braces off and met with him face to face for the first time (both of our parents bringing us). We went off on our own, drunk on love and had our first kiss together - both of our first kisses. After we kissed.. it made being away from each other so much harder. Now we knew what it was like to be together, and it was beautiful. It left us feeling sad and wistful whenever we hung up, and eternally wishing for more. He's 15 in December this year, and I just turned 16. I don't think the age matters personally, but it seemed to concern him. I guess he was less mature than me but it never felt that way. I broke off our relationship for a few reasons.
Some things he said wounded me, deeper then he knew. I lost trust in him a couple times. I was never very good at saying no, no to calling, or no to being sexual through text or call. I got better at it and he encouraged me when I was stubborn, approving. Things had started to go off though, and it really just seemed clear to me that it wasn't going to work for much longer - so I broke it. Sooner rather than later, so the good memories don't turn bad... Right?

Hi DreamyCream,

Thank you for sharing your story. It certainly sounds very sweet, lovely and indeed good memories. To be able to say no to things when you're uncomfortable about it is good; Respecting your own boundaries and communicating it out to your partner. Geoff has put it really well, your first love have given you the experience to learn from others, both good points and bad points and how to collaborate with that person to make things work together. After all, from what I've learned from my break up, being in a relationship isn't just about adoring that person's positive points, but also accepting their flaws and understanding each other's boundaries.

Would love to hear back from you if you have any other thoughts that you'd like to share.

Jt

Hello DreamyCream, the feeling of being in love at a young age doesn't necessarily change than when you're older, although being older there are so many more issues that you've experienced than when you're younger and could change the situation, but love is love, and we learn so much good and/or bad from being in love, responsibilities differ and much more water has passed under the bridge.

If you break off the r/lationship when you realise it's not going to last, but at a good point, then any good memories will stay with you and think you've done it at the right time, but please don't forget that these good times are the beginning of starting a solid base for future r/lationships and will slowly build your own personality in making a good person.

As Jt has said we'd love to hear back from you.

Geoff.