Thankyou for the update.
Now you have clarity but it will hurt for some time so I thought id tell you my post period after separation from my wife to see if it helps.
It was a dark time
A week prior to me leaving I devised a plan to end my life (gee glad I turned it around to keep fathering my kids). Then I left. Her emotional abuse had taken its toll.
My grief period of mainly losing my full time fatherhood lasted about 8 weeks. Then an opportunity arose. At a smaller country town nearby a block of land came up for sale. I bought it. Then spent 3 months clearing it. Imagine, fire for my tea and eggs.
Then I dreamed of building my own home. I bought a kit home and did just that.
Frankly I was so busy making a new life I didn't have time for thoughts about ...what could have been.
There are positives wherever negatives lie. You have clarity if your situation. That's gold.
Now. Meet with your wife in a calm manner. Tell her your son deserves for you both to implement some basic rules.
That neither of you criticise the other in front of your child
That custody and visitations be friendly, flexible and open with communication.
And any other things you can think about.
It was unfortunate that my first wife would not work together with me as I'd hoped. I'd arrange a meeting in a cafe to chat about our kids, she'd stand me up but wouldn't ring me. A waste if 90 minutes travel and waiting. Contempt!! Disrespect.
So try that and if you can get agreement like this remind her that such flexibility will allow both of you a social life not bound by strict visiting legal schedules.
So, find ways to keep busy.
Seek a new life, a new direction
Work with your ex not against her
Allow her to remain in denial its a common human trait
Give yourself time to recover.
..it isn't your fault