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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Depression the 3rd person in our marriage - now he's left

Topic: Depression the 3rd person in our marriage - now he's left

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. pollypossum
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    pollypossum avatar
    8 posts
    13 September 2015

    My husband left myself and our 3 kiddies several weeks back 7 to be exact - i understand that one of the primary reasons or contributing factors as to why he's left is that he is suffering heavily with Anxiety and Depression. I do not think he is aware or understands exactly how much it has taken him over, he sees no possibility no wants to try and give our relationship a try. So i have asked that he move out officially so as not to drag it on for the children. 

    1. do i tell him i believe Depression is a factor ?

    2. How can i help him ?

    3. Are there any cases where the man, husband - father ever comes back ?


  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    white knight avatar
    9780 posts
    13 September 2015 in reply to pollypossum

    Hi PP welcome

    If your husband has left solely due to his anxiety and depression then that's unlikely (my view). It would also culminate with relationship issues.

    We often say "you can lead a horse to water but cant make him drink". such is the case here. Living alone he might not feel the pressure of needing treatment whereas returning home he knows he is obligated to do so.

    I think there is a chance for you both. I think a meeting with a family counsellor would be of great benefit. But I also know, maybe because I'm a man, that there might be changes needed for him to fit into the family environment considering his issues.

    This will put pressure on you though and you'll need to see the positives of home changes. i.e. Every night he might need some "alone time" say one hour, in his office or on the verandah to chill out. Or as we do, in the supermarket when the crowds overtake my tolerance...."see you at the counter" I say to my wife. Then I remain outside for 10 minutes and return when she is about to go through the cahier. Simple allowances for anxiety, warding of depressive episodes by changing how you do things. By making his depression and anxiety number one in terms of both of you being aware of its impact you can do it. So what can you do?

    I would go to the counsellor anyway, alone if needed. Your goal should be to learn how to tolerate his issues. Tell him you are going and he is welcome to go along with you. Lead the way because even if he doesn't go along you will learn techniques and information that will benefit you in later life with this, especially if he wants to return. You can say to him "better you come along than not".

    In the end it is up to him if he puts himself first or his family. Sadly many don't make the effort. Hop he does.

    Tony WK

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