Hi quirkywords,

I’m so glad you found the book helpful. It is the only book that I have read about controlling and abusive people where I felt she really “got it” and it also made me realize a lot of insidious things that were also happening. It was nice to have that validation that there is something wrong and we aren’t crazy, and I found her really good at articulating things that felt wrong to me but that I had trouble finding the words to explain. I particularly found it enlightening that while they demand so much of us, we can never place a demand on them. Anytime I would ask something of my ex, he would fly into a rage for hours and brings in all these other things to bamboozle me, even if it was as simple as “can we give the house a bit of a tidy today”. At least if you can identify the underlying behaviors (which they try and obscure), you can call them out on their behaviors and hold them accountable. It’s not as effective as a behavior change program, where a group of their peers challenges their behaviours and attitudes, but I never had a hope of getting my ex to one of those.

I just want to clarify that a person with abusive behaviour can be of any gender.

juliet I have never been able to call out partner on his controlling behaviour as it will end in name calling and sulking and silent treatment. So I don’t comment anymore.

Thank you everyone for your insightful comments and openly sharing your experiences with me. Sorry I’m so late in looking at the latest posts and replies.

It truly gives me strength to know the BB community is here for me and anyone going through challenges. The posts give me inspiration and food for thought on so many facets of life.

I will read the book once things are less busy. It certainly sounds like an eye opener and will give me insight into my many questions.

Thank you so much everyone. Big hugs.