Hey

I just wanted to use this forum to talk. I do chat to my friendsbut i dont want to continue burden them with my depression.

 

I have battled on and off with depression and anxiety all my life. I

suffered bad in my early teens, however became stronger and seemed to find positivity and happiness.

 

This was all well and good,however I have started sinking back into my

dark days again, esp at night, I cant sleep and i feel pretty low some times.

Its mainly because i feel lonley. Yes i have friends, but im 31, single, never married, no kids, live alone.

I try what i can to stay social, i try to get involved in the spare time i have. My main problem is i am so unlucky with love. I am such a softie.

I lost my father 7 years ago, and ever since his death I find it extremely hard to deal with losing people in my life, particularly men, I feel my life just has no substance,

I started medication about 5 weeks ago after yet another split with a guy. I dont know that its helping all that much. The last few days I have noticed my mind randomly fantasizing about

ending my life. I havent had these thoughts since I was 14 when I was getting bullied at sschool and surprise surprise a break up with a guy.

I consider my self to be a nice happy friendly girl, I dont know whats wrong with me. Why does no one see what im worth.

Im over it, its just hard

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Hi Morrow, welcome to Beyond Blue forums,

Yes, very hard. Life is tough and sadly if one doesnt rise up and have any fighting spirit then life will eat you. Not only people but financial strain, work, shopping traffic fines.....

It could be that you just havent found the right guy IMO. And in todays climate of social interaction it isnt easy to do so. Thinking of the 1930's, 40's, 50's... when you met at the local dance. Now look, Facebook etc it has changed and sadly people like you blame yourself. It's the first station your train stops at- you. Instead of being more realistic and accepting that our modern life isnt so inviting for people to meet.

You dont mention medication but I assume you take it.  I'd get it reviewed. Doesnt hurt. Self esteem is very low and the loss of your dad, even 7 years later still would harm you.

I cannot offer anymore advice I'm afraid. hoping someone else can.

Take care and dont be so hard on yourself.