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Forums / Relationship and family issues / First baby and my wife hates me she has PPD /A and I don't know how to handle everything at the moment.

Topic: First baby and my wife hates me she has PPD /A and I don't know how to handle everything at the moment.

12 posts, 0 answered
  1. dbrad
    dbrad avatar
    8 posts
    27 September 2021
    My son is only 9 months old and my wife is going through PPD/A and she is awful towards me, she is not nice at all, I stepped back from working to many days to a 3.5 day week to be more actively engaged in raising him but that was not really good enough, I get pages and pages of texts saying how difficult it is when I'm not at home etc, I try so hard to help but she is a controlling parent and everything has to be done her way, she even refers him as my baby not ours, it's getting very hard to cope, my feelings are never valid, I can't be tired as I'm not as tired as her etc, she breastfeeds him co bed shares so I'm on the couch every night, I litteraly do not want any more children after this, I feel for you, I'm wondering how you went as it's 2019 when you posted this, any advice on how to better understand the situation would be great
  2. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    56 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to dbrad

    Hi dbrad,

    Having a new baby in the house can be exhausting. They take so much energy, time, thought, sleep deprivation and then your wife having PPD/A on top of all that. It sounds like you are doing as much as you can to support her and maybe you are in need of some support yourself. Is your wife receiving treatment for her PPD/A? I'm thinking that maybe you should be talking to your GP about the pressures you are under in relation to this so that they can refer you to the appropriate place for you to get some support also, or even as a couple.

    Please let us know how you get on if you are up to it.

    WaterFront

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1103 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to dbrad

    Hi dbrad,

    Im sorry that your self and your wife are going through this, I understand…

    I understand when your wife is texting you a lot during the day I believe it’s because her anxiety is high and she may not like being alone.

    Sometimes with the anxiety it makes the suffer feel they have to be with their baby 24/7 and they don’t like having the baby out of there sight . It really is a horrible condition for the mother to go through… Has your wife seeked help for what she is going through? There are clinics that your wife can go to that specialise in mental health conditions after the birth of babies…. ( perinatal)There are usually a psychologist and psychiatrist that run out of the same clinic…..they understand these conditions….

    Im sorry that you feel the way you are feeling you too could benefit from seeing someone at one of these clinics….. (perinatal )…

    If your wife hasn’t seeked help I strongly encourage her to do so.

    I’m here to chat

    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15065 posts
    28 September 2021 in reply to dbrad

    Hello dBrad, I feel sorry for both yourself and your wife, as I know what PPD/PND is, as my wife struggled with it, and the more you tried to help, didn't make any difference, it still wasn't enough, but understand it's not her fault, it's an illness that can happen, although I'm not a doctor to comment, but I also developed PND.

    Whatever has been said to you is because of this illness and once she can overcome this, then these comments are generally forgotten, but at the moment they hurt you, PANDA on 1300 726 306 9 am to 7.30 pm would be able to help you and/or your wife.

    If you can contact them, then ask them whether you can have some time off work and not knowing what you should be doing, then these people will be able to help you.

    They will give you skills so that you can become a stronger dad, unfortunately, they were just starting to set up when I had it, so I didn't know.

    You can't cope with this by yourself so you can also seek advice from your doctor and if you're able, try and get your wife the help she needs.

    Really like to hear back from you.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. dbrad
    dbrad avatar
    8 posts
    28 September 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff, thanks for the reply, she is barely getting any help she may go and see a psychologist one a fortnight that's it, I've suggested more but I get my head bitten off so to speak, I will try your suggestion and keep you informed

    Many thanks

  6. dbrad
    dbrad avatar
    8 posts
    28 September 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi petal,

    We live in a regional area and my wife only seems to want to speak to her psychologist once every fortnight at the moment, thanks for your comments I may reach out in the near future

    Thank-you

    1 person found this helpful
  7. dbrad
    dbrad avatar
    8 posts
    28 September 2021 in reply to WaterFront

    Hi waterfront

    Thank-you for your reply I will give that a go I think, and I will keep you posted

    Thank you for your help

  8. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1103 posts
    28 September 2021 in reply to dbrad

    Hi dbrad,

    Thanks for your reply.

    I understand you live in a regional area but by the way you have described your wife I believe she really needs to get more professional help……

    Postnatal anxiety is a horrible condition and needs treatment…. I understand your wife sees a psychologist once a week do you know if this psychologist is experienced in post natal?

    There are also psychiatrists that specialise in this condition…

    I would encourage yourself or your wife to call PANDA ASAP as per the number above that Geoff has provided…. they may be able to give you details of a postnatal clinic near yourself. Some hospitals take in mothers and babies to help with post natal mental health conditions…

    Does your wife still have appointments with her child health nurse?

    Please come back to us if you can…

    1 person found this helpful
  9. dbrad
    dbrad avatar
    8 posts
    1 October 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi Petal,

    I'm not hugely familiar with who she is seeing, and today I had to get her to go as she did not want to as she felt it was more important to be home, today was a particularly difficult day, she has at the moment decided that she does all the hard stuff and I get it easy, but I basically cook, clean and spend as much time with my son as I can as 9 months is a great time for him and he's generally a really happy baby, I can't do any washing as I will not do it right, I can't hang it as I won't do that right, you get the idea even nappies are not done how she wants them, it's like I can find my own lane in this journey, she gets particularly angry if nappy changes do go smoothly she will throw them or something and curse loudly, I get quite annoyed at this behaviour as I feel it's not great for my some to be around it, he can sense it's not going well, I will get read the riot act if I do anything wrong around him, I'm rapidly heading to a position now where I litteraly don't care about her at all, I will call panda on Monday but any advice would be appreciated

    D

  10. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1103 posts
    2 October 2021 in reply to dbrad

    Hi dbrad,

    Sorry today was a hard day, please try not to take it personally, it’s something that is happening inside your wife…… please keep encouraging her to seek help from a professional and yes please call PANDA they will be helpful.

    I understand this is also hard for you also from the way your wife is treating you I encourage you also to speak to a health professional about the way you are feeling.

    I think PANDA could help you both.

    Please keep reaching out on this thread for support.

    Hang in there

    1 person found this helpful
  11. dbrad
    dbrad avatar
    8 posts
    7 October 2021 in reply to Petal22

    Hi everyone,

    This week has been something different, it's been up and down going back to work for a few nights has been difficult, our son fell while trying walk and bruised his cheek but that became my fault as I was not there to help in the evening, the part I'm beginning to worry about is when I met her she was absolutely mad about cats, we had 2 but one has passed and the second is quite lonely as she gets less attention as the baby gets it all and has begun to yowling at night which wakes the baby, but my wife now gets mad at her and wants to lock her in the bottom of our house, she's becoming a little cruel towards the cat, any advice would be appreciated

  12. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1103 posts
    7 October 2021 in reply to dbrad

    Hi dbrad,

    Im sorry your son had a fall I hope he’s ok…. Sorry your wife blamed you I understand this would be difficult for you…

    Im unsure about your wife’s behaviour towards the cat…

    Have you been able to get in contact with PANDA?

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