Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Gday everyone.

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. Andrew-n
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Andrew-n avatar
    9 posts
    3 April 2021

    Married (10 years) 4 kids.......

    Wife has cheated before. (i never have) Never got over it. 7 years later still kills me inside.
    Think wife is cheating on me again.
    Signs signs signs everywhere or maybe its all in my head? At this point i no longer actually know.
    Not many mates or family.... Just the family i built so find myself looking online! Thats just how shit my life has got. (No offence, i understand the online community can help but i just feel so low.)

    Dunno.. looking for support or just a place to vent. Feel like a coward and weak posting this.

    Andrew.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9212 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to Andrew-n

    Hi , welcome

    I feel for you.

    Firstly, you forgave her for the first affair, think you're punishing yourself too much by hanging onto those rocks- gotta chuck them in the river eh. Beating yourself up is not good for your health.

    However your gut instinct lately might be spot on so all you can do is keep an eye open and if real doubtful use a PI. Again you need closure and all that is part of your mental health needs.

    I've had 4 long term relationships all over 7 years duration. So 3 times now I've gone through the grief process. Believe me life goes on if you part ways and it can be a very good life, just very different. So if that happens let the process go its course and kick start your new life with some positivity ok.

    Finally, I've openly admitted with my dysthymia (long term depression) that I've cried through life. From an ex prison officer and dog ranger, security, big guy, it hurts to admit it, but its the truth...so please dont feel embarrassed.

    Repost anytime

    TonyWK

  3. Andrew-n
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Andrew-n avatar
    9 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to white knight

    Thankyou for your kind words.
    Yea i cry more than a "normal" man should for sure! Atleast over the last few months.

    I keep chucking those damn rocks in the rive mate but my pockets appear full again.

    Not going to lie to you, im actually fearful of the breakup (grief process) more than the affair/s themselves.
    Never planned to have kids then lose it all. Never financially allowed for that let alone emotionally.

    Again thankyou for the reply Tony.

    Andrew.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9212 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to Andrew-n
    Andrew, I thought I'd mention one particular period.

    1996 and my marriage of 11 years to my narcissistic wife was coming to an end. I made an attempt on my life.

    I left her one week later to live in a 10 foot caravan. I had my young children every 2nd weekend.

    I was in grief and "lost emotionally mainly losing my full time fatherhood. That continued for 3 months till I purchased a block of land. That gave me a direction. Suddenly my mindset changed.

    I cleaned up the Bush block then built my own kit home. For the next 8 months I was too busy to think about being sorrowful.

    My eldest 5 years later at 12 came to live with me and never left.

    You never know how things can improve.

    Google

    Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

    TonyWK
    3 people found this helpful
  5. lost girl 101
    lost girl 101 avatar
    24 posts
    3 April 2021

    Hi Andrew,

    i understand what you mean when you said " the signs are everywhere but is it in the head". I found my partner cheating and its been nearly 2 years now since it happened and i feel so alert with everything now. The signs are there every day and i find myself questioning everything and it does my head in. Building back trust is a very long hard road and for me i think that roads going to go on forever . I myself dont have family or friends to talk to and keeping things in is torture.Why do we choose to stay with toxic people that hurt us. i ask myself that question everyday but im scared of change, and just like you im fearful of a break up when i invested so much into the relationship.

    I have found through this site that there are so many others just like me and in some way that gave me comfort.

    Take care

    2 people found this helpful
  6. lost girl 101
    lost girl 101 avatar
    24 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi TonyWK

    wow thats a truly inspiring story. Im so glad you found your mojo again after being so down in life.That would surely give people hope and encouragement that its possible to turn things around :)

    1 person found this helpful
  7. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12345 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to Andrew-n
    Andrew I think posting here show strength and determination.
    It is a sad situation you are in. I can understand you being fearful of the breakup (grief process) more than the affair/s themselves. It is scary and it is an unknown .
    welcome to the forum.
    2 people found this helpful
  8. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2755 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to lost girl 101

    lt sure is Tony and thanks so much for talking about it.

    My biggest problem back then in that way was that we'd moved already so much through our marriage that being unmarried l just didn't know where l'd like to live and still b close to my daughter. But yeah by far the worst was in losing my full time fathering and l wanted to stay close, but l didn't want to build to live close so after 2yrs of renting close by and then living over at my little cabin l'd managed to keep , for 9mths, l did build that though 7yrs ealier but l managed to buy a house 25mins over from my daughter. l hoped to maybe be happy here too and renovate it all up to either sell off later when she's old enough or to stay. l just haven't had the mojo since though to do that much to it and l'm still not liking the town much either after nearly 5yrs. She's nearly 20 now so l hope to get it looking better this yr and l'll probably move on end of yrish. l'd love a bush block too.

    So beautiful that your son came to live with you, My daughter was living here full time for awhile but she had some serious MH problems later on [ nothing to do with living here , outside factors ] but anyway atm she's back at her mums now .

    Anyway op , l'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through there's probably many others here that have been through it too and l hope it all helps in some small way.

    rx.

  9. Andrew-n
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Andrew-n avatar
    9 posts
    4 April 2021

    We have progress.
    I got upset over someone doing something. Really trivial and not even related to our relationship.
    Well i have been asked to leave by the wife so i guess i might have come here too late...
    Thankfully she is hooking up with some mates she had before we were married or together on the same day she wants me to leave....

    Happy easter everyone!

  10. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5917 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to Andrew-n
    Hi Andrew,

    It sounds like it has been an emotional day, and we're so sorry to hear about what has been happening in your marriage. Please know that you aren't alone in this and there is support available to you.

    We would recommend that you reach out to a family member or friend to support you through this difficult night. If you are not comfortable doing this, you could also get in touch with MensLine. MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/

    You might also be interested in our page, “Coping with a relationship breakdown”.

    Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.
     
  11. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2755 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Very sorry to hear that op.

    Just wondering is it your house or are you just renting.? lf it is yours or joint you don't have to leave if you don't want to , especially if your paying the mortgage. She can't make you leave your own house.Set up another room and live in that until you figure out what you want, that;s what l did. No way known l was leaving my own house.

    rx

  12. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    3704 posts
    5 April 2021 in reply to randomx

    Andrew..... Popping in to say hi. I do not know where to start. I have watched situations like these half a dozen times or more as a supportive friend to others enduring these things. I have been the "victim" also. I have also supported my partner through his long and drawn out situation. LONG stories all of them. Won't bore you.

    As random says, if you both own the home you do not have to go anywhere. Move rooms. Seek legal advice. The family law system has its pros and cons, however you have rights as well. Be wary of contractual agreements with banks or land lords... depending on situation.

    My heart goes out to you. You are allowed to be hurt. And sad. Don't let the anger affect relationships with children / parents.

    My heart goes out to all reading this who has experienced or experiencing these things.

    V.

    2 people found this helpful
  13. lost girl 101
    lost girl 101 avatar
    24 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to Andrew-n

    If your thrown out over something so trivial to me it seems she has had it planned . Maybe you were right with her having an affair. Sometimes people are too coward to tell you they aren't interested anymore and let you stay in their lives until its convenient for them to be rid of you, they just waste your time of moving on and your mental health when all along you had suspicions that they were up to something.

    And random is right, you shouldn't be kicked from you own home.

    i hope you find peace.

    I hope you find peace and

  14. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    3704 posts
    6 April 2021 in reply to lost girl 101

    Agree 100% lost girl. Lets face it, it is convenient. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up