Hi, welcome. I hope I can give you some vision.
4 long term relationships, 2 marriages, the 2nd marriage has been wonderful and it's 11 years. My first marriage, 2 kids 7 and 4yo girls, broke my heart I had to leave, narcissistic abuse, silence, laziness, me working 3 jobs so she could be a stay at home mum. The abuse so bad, suicide attempt one week prior to leaving my home, neighbours, town and full time fatherhood. My fear- will she cause havoc with my visitation rights?
Well apart from her regularly demeaning my parenthood with ("but I'm the mother") eg I'm more the parent than you etc.
So, having said that, your apprehension is justified because the fact is, you will have to negotiate with him until the kids are 18yo. However, we should face our fears and not allow nastiness to control our lives.
You could try establishing an acceptable negotiable table once he's calmed down- Give him time. Highlighting how better for him, you and the kids the unfortunate situation can be made tolerable. "I might have separated with you but you're the father of our kids, I respect that, how about we try to get to a point whereby when the phone rings we look forward to chatting about our kids and how we can made it all easier than if we are still in conflict?"
You get the idea. The mother of my kids was the "talk to him if I had to" type. Our eldest at 12yo came to live with me. That meant child support stopped. Yep, she held that against me. Daughter left her as she was treated with same abuse I got. Silence for weeks. Poor kid. At 33yo now she suffers mentally for it.
There comes a time in our lives when we say, enough! So keep doing your best whether it's with communicating with him, creating a calm abuse free home, continuing being the great mum you are, but above all...remove all guilt from your brain.
Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get
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Beyondblue topic meditation, he helped me for 25 years- maharaji
I hope I've helped. Repost anytime.