This thread is a gamble for me. I'm not a grandparent. So, what would I know? But this is my view.
As parents we rightly have controlled our children, all the things that come from raising a child. Unfortunately this "control" with some parents doesn't lessen as time goes by and they find themselves without any control when their children get to late teenagers. This can be frustrating for parents. But worse is to come for some, for when these children get to their late 20's or 30's and have children of their own, these parents that still desire control, the same level of control they demanded when their children were....well, children, the child reacts. By this time the now adult child should be in control fully of their own lives, their home, their rules and ......their own children. However, time and again I've seen in my own life grandparents mingling into private affairs of their own children. Often this flows over to how they are bringing up their grandchildren. This is a no go zone in my opinion, unless invited.
Xmas 2010. My mother in her late 70's attended our home where my sister and collectively our 4 children would enjoy a good time. My nieces, for xmas gifts received a laptop and the other some computer games. They were 16 and 14yo. My daughter (21)got some clothing. My mother spent xmas morning walking from one grandchild to the other complaining that "at my age I would never have got such expensive presents" and "I don't know what it is nowadays when parents spend so much on their children for xmas" and finally "you cant afford that much to spend on stupid gifts".
See the interference? And what of the grandchildren? Well they despised her. For the record the nieces got her a laptop ($600) because her mother combined her birthday and xmas together. The item was also an educational tool for her VCE the following year. All the other gifts were along the lines of normal gifts. But my comments here are going along the road of justification. We as parents do not need to justify anything, they are our children and my parents had their days of being parents and making their own decisions in their day...its our time now not theirs. By the way, I was 54yo at the time.
Grandparents have a role in the family structure. It's one of showing concern, to love and guide. They are not there to make or object to decisions made by parents and not there to make grandchildren feel guilty.
Step back and enjoy. Your thoughts?