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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Have I stuffed up

Topic: Have I stuffed up

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Sharvi
    Sharvi avatar
    3 posts
    4 August 2015
    I have been in a relationship with my partner for 18 months, until today we were happy and getting married in May next year. Today happened to be the day we spent in family court going through the finer details of my children from a previous relationship. I have not seen or heard from my kids in over 8 months and in that time I have struggled to cope with the situation. In the process of the details with the Laywers he mentioned that my ex had brought up that I also had a son from 15 years ago that I have had nothing to do with from day 1. My future wife turned and looked at me in a way she never has before. I told her that we had spoken about this but clearly by her reaction I have not. On further thought I can now see that I may not have but maintain that this was not intentional. I found out about this boy when he was around 5 years old and offered to do whatever I had to do to help but was told it was not nessasary. I don't no if I'm being selfish or not but my main concern and has been for the last 8 or so months with my 2 children, my stepdaughter and my partner. I don't no what the outcome will be from the fallout of this but a this point the sun is not shining. I do understand that being a parent is a full time job that we do whole heartedly but can I be blamed for something that happened 15 years ago tried to help when I was told but was asked not to in anyway. Is this a massive oversight on my behalf? I can understand the way my partner may feel betrayed but this is not something that is at the forefront of my mind. I can honestly say that today was the first time I have heard his name in at least 10 years. I do believe I have stuffed up majorly and am more than willing to put my hand up and admit that but from where I am sitting things do not look very good with my future wife to be
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    white knight avatar
    9749 posts
    5 August 2015 in reply to Sharvi

    Hi Sharvi, welcome

    IMO I'm pretty firm with these things. If you genuinely did not mean to deceive your fiancé about this issue then you should not feel guilty at all. And if she doesn't believe you then I'd break off the wedding plans until you are satisfied that that sort of doubt doesn't exist again.

    Trust is among the few mandatory ingredients to a successful marriage.

    Tony WK

  3. Lori
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Lori avatar
    117 posts
    5 August 2015 in reply to Sharvi

    Hi Sharvi,

    Sorry to hear about the hard times your experiencing at the moment with your ex. If your wife to be is unhappy or angry about the situation maybe now is a good time to sit down and have a conversation about it all. Before you get married tell her everything be honest with her. 

    Honesty and trust are to really important keys in a relationship. I think a good chat with your partner is needed. I hope you's can sort it all out and that she is understanding. 

    Sorry that i don't have much to add, but i really do hope it all works out soon for you and that your wedding is amazing.

    - Lori :)

  4. Sharvi
    Sharvi avatar
    3 posts
    5 August 2015
    Hi Tony, thanks for that, I don't no if she believes me or not because she has gone into silent and angry mode, I want to talk about the problem but can't because at this point in time she will not even acknowledge I am here, I would like to have some form of peace in place before the weekend because as I said earlier I was in court yesterday for my kids and I get them this weekend for the first time in 8 months, after not having them for so long I don't want them feeling uncomfortable while they are here. I don't no if I should push the point or if I should let it be for another day and then try again
  5. Sharvi
    Sharvi avatar
    3 posts
    5 August 2015 in reply to Lori
    Hi Lori, thanks for the advise, I really do want to talk about it, I have tried a few times but I am just completely shut out by her at the moment, at the moment there is also a lot of bad things going on in her life, she has a younger brother that is an addict and had caused a lot of tension in her family causing huge fallouts with those she is closest with. I do everything I can to support her with all of this but she is the sort of person the does shut people out me included. I think that maybe after hearing what she did yesterday may of been the proverbial straw. I will say about her this would be her only flaw, she really is an amazing person

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