Greetings to those who decided to read this.
I am a 40 year old wife who has been finding it hard to be mentally and emotionally sharp for many years.
I have had many baby losses and my husband went through a year or so of extreme depression.
I find myself sometimes crying when alone- sometimes from a story I watched or read, other times from my own hardships.
Husband does not make it any easier when he has a short temper and I find myself walking on eggshells around him sometimes, in fear that he would regress back to being depressed/ anxious if I start a fight with him. Fighting with him is very messy as he warned that he would post on social media about about our fight. Although he is very confident that he is now better because he's constantly taking his medication.
I know that marriage will never be easy, and there are days when I feel like on cloud 9 when everything goes well or when we have unexpected blessings. But when it gets tough, it is very tough on my mental state. I forget things and make silly mistakes. Sometimes I even suspect that I get ill when we are fighting.
I applaud strong women whom I know are also going through tough things, sometimes even tougher than me, but yet they seem to have it altogether in the head. I compared myself to other wives I know and every single one of them has an issue in their life. So I guess the question I am asking is, how do you cope with such hardship? How do you have a 'thick skin' and continue with life while standing your ground without being hurt? I vent out to my close friends when I'm hurting but when I hear myself talk and remember their own hardships, I feel like I'm just having first world problems.
But I cannot take verbal abuse. Yes I shoot back at him when I get a chance but I don't think it affects him as much as it affects me. I know I have to lead by example but I don't know how, especially when I am still hurting after making a simple mistake.
By the way, I say 'adulting' in the title because I didn't have these issues when I was younger and only dating. Now that I have MORE responsibilities, I need to learn some coping mechanisms. I imagine just before sleeping or right after I wake up, that if there was a time machine, I'd definitely choose to go back into being a kid again with all my adult family members around me that supports me. Then I would stay there and never be an adult!
Thanks for reading and have a good day.