Hi GA & Amali,
Earlier this year, I was in the same situation as what appears to be what both of you are going through (albeit different circumstances).
I broke off a 3yr r'ship (where we had planned marriage, family etc, it was 'it for me' I thought). I knew I needed to end it, but I was not ready and a month after I broke up (moved out) and tried to move on, I went back to him because I couldn't stand the pain or myself!
Every single thought was about him him him ... of course, I could not move on. But you know what? I got back with him and was further down the anxiety path, I would throw up from the stress and knew I was wasting my time.
I want to focus on something here, which I have noticed in your posts - your focus is currently on him, and the negatives of the r'ship.Is there some way you can find it within yourself, to find a place where you can be silent for a while, and start to find that light within that comforts you.
And I don't mean soothing fantasies of getting back together - but something more basic - finding what cheers you up, what makes you happy, what helps you take a break from feeling so down. Perhaps a stroll by the water, some music, a funny movie (may I recommend Kids movies, they are delightful when you feel sad).
Try to slowly bring the focus back to yourself. Take it minutes at a time, then stretch it out to hours, and days etc. I found what really helped me was meditation. I recommend listeing to Tara Brach, she is wonderful.
It's now nearly the end of the year, and I'm 2mths into absolutely no contact and fully moving on - my desire to get in touch has completely diminished after I started to focus on myself. I find the time I spend thinking about that r'ship less, but I still think about it a lot! I give myself permission to do this. And I give myself permission to get sad. And then, I pick myself up and say 'hey, it's a new day, let's do something worthwhile today - however big or small, I call the shots.'
Strength comes from within. You have it inside you. Believe it.