Hi LCS, thanks for sharing with us.
Have you both had a conversation about where you both stand? Whether she feels as though you guys still might have a chance in the future?
It's unfortunate to hear that after your marriage and finding someone you love again that it's ended in disappointment. This isn't a reflection of you. You are more than deserving of love and companionship despite your past mistakes and relationships.
In this scenario, it sounds like the end of this relationship was more because of her end than yours. Sometimes people can be a perfect fit but it isn't the right time for them. Your partner sounds like she has some recovery to do from her last relationship and her own anxieties, and that's okay. Perhaps for you, you need to learn to be content with not having a partner for a bit, so you can start to feel happy on your own and therefore happier with a partner.
If you feel that maybe both of you need that conversation to figure out whether it's truly over, then maybe it would be helpful for you to get that closure. But at the end of the day, it's entirely your choice whether you wait or not. You're deserving of someone supportive and by your side. Sometimes couples are able to work through things together, but other times this isn't the case. I think it's important to figure out what your own needs are, because I imagine that waiting for someone can be a very anxious and emotionally taxing experience.
Again, sometimes love doesn't work out and it's not always a reflection of yourself. You mentioned that you're taking anti depressants, are you doing any form of therapy along with this medication?
If you feel that you're ready to put yourself out there, then I encourage you to. Only you can make that call and determine whether you feel ready or not. From the sounds of things, you've put a lot of effort in making this relationship work that wasn't reciprocated for some complicated reasons on her end.
I hope you're taking care of yourself.