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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Husband drinking again

Topic: Husband drinking again

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Marsia
    Marsia avatar
    10 posts
    20 March 2021
    I posted in here back in Dec 2020 when I was having huge problems with my partners drinking. Big issues, around drinking & his behaviour which I won’t go into now. Thank you for the support I received back then (I think it was Geoff who I spoke to several times). Was able to seek AOD support for him & even though he never rang the numbers or went to appointments, he seemed to slow his drinking down & made all sorts of promises that he would stop drinking soon. But he’s back into the big binges. Just went out for the evening to come home & find him very drunk at home alone. I am in bed but have heard him swearing & slamming a door as he went to bed himself. I am not looking forward to having to deal with all this again. Don’t know how I’m going to tell him all over again he has to stop. It was very draining last time 😞
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9207 posts
    21 March 2021 in reply to Marsia

    Hi, welcome again, yes Geoff is most experienced on this topic and it would be interesting if he responds.

    When do we say to ourselves in situations like this "no matter what I say or do I'm powerless to make a difference"?

    Sadly, you are expecting yourself to take on the burden of trying to stop him drinking. You are also handcuffed when he doesnt attend appointments and has shallow promises.

    All this is making you unhappy. Us humans deserve to be happy but it doesnt come automatically, we have to earn it, strive for it and pursue all avenue to succeed in getting it. That sometimes means we have to make the hard decisions when all else fails.

    Recently my wifes step father passed away. Her mother has advanced parkinsons disease and other physical issues like a very bad back. He was secretive and spent tens of thousands of dollars on gambling from monies they had from a new mortgage for a new kitchen and other renovations for their home. Now, as she is seeking aged care that loss of money means the difference in the quality of her aged care facility. It could have also meant she had a better wheelchair, massages and other equipment. But gambling is an addiction and she told us that when she met him she knew two week in that he was a gambler and should have broken it off. 28 years later she is paying the price.

    We often talk here about those that wont seek help. Basically you cannot do much about it.

    I ask you- when does it come to a point that you move on? What would stop you seeking a new life?

    Him giving up drinking is highly unlikely imo

    TonyWK

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