Hi, welcome again, yes Geoff is most experienced on this topic and it would be interesting if he responds.
When do we say to ourselves in situations like this "no matter what I say or do I'm powerless to make a difference"?
Sadly, you are expecting yourself to take on the burden of trying to stop him drinking. You are also handcuffed when he doesnt attend appointments and has shallow promises.
All this is making you unhappy. Us humans deserve to be happy but it doesnt come automatically, we have to earn it, strive for it and pursue all avenue to succeed in getting it. That sometimes means we have to make the hard decisions when all else fails.
Recently my wifes step father passed away. Her mother has advanced parkinsons disease and other physical issues like a very bad back. He was secretive and spent tens of thousands of dollars on gambling from monies they had from a new mortgage for a new kitchen and other renovations for their home. Now, as she is seeking aged care that loss of money means the difference in the quality of her aged care facility. It could have also meant she had a better wheelchair, massages and other equipment. But gambling is an addiction and she told us that when she met him she knew two week in that he was a gambler and should have broken it off. 28 years later she is paying the price.
We often talk here about those that wont seek help. Basically you cannot do much about it.
I ask you- when does it come to a point that you move on? What would stop you seeking a new life?
Him giving up drinking is highly unlikely imo