I have been with my partner for around 4 years. We spend a lot of time together, our lives are entrenched; owning a business and living together.
I am a motivated, hardworking, and mostly optimistic person. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to articulate what has brought me to this forum.
I am someone that likes to feel appreciated and needed, but over the last year or so I find my self regularly feeling taken advantage of or perhaps just unappreciated.
While my partner at times acknowledges my contribution to our day to day lives or my role in our business, I feel more often than not that he feels that 'it's just my job' to look after our home, him or our animals, or to manage the business. I feel like I have to be across everything all the time.
I feel like I'm my own biggest enemy, as the more I take on the more he unconsciously expects, I overload myself more and more trying to feel appreciated and valued and then just end up falling over in a heap feeling hopeless and overwhelmed when I don't receive anything in return. I don't ask for much, just a thank you or a smile, just some acknowledgement.
I try to raise how I feel, but he turns my feelings being taken advantage of around, telling me I just do things for him so I can use it against him.
I love him so much, but I can't keep living every day just trying to make someone else happy that doesn't consider my hopes and dreams, whether I am happy, sad or needing some acknowledgement.
I find it so difficult to know what to say, or just what to do with myself, I hate the constant feeling of rejection and defeat, maybe if I left him he would realise how lucky we were to have each other.
We have been having issues with intimacy, well mainly I have been having issues. I don't feel that kind of attraction towards him, I feel bullied and used and that doesn't make me feel like I want to get close to him. I've tried to explain where that comes from, but I think he just thinks there's either something wrong with me, or it's just a choice, like I choose to not wanted to be intimate with him.
I'm so confused, I just don't know what else I can possibly give this relationship to make it work, I feel like I spend so much time worrying about everyone else, I don't even know how I feel anymore, and when I stop and think about it.. I'm unhappy, what does that count for.