Firstly, you are not worthless or undeserving of love.
Nobody, deserves to be treated poorly by their spouse regardless of what has happened.
When I read your post, It resonated with me.
In brief, I was in an abusive marriage for over 30 years. I made the terrible mistake of confiding in a male, a Social Worker with many years experience in DV. I kept this new friendship from my husband. As we were just mates. My husband didn’t see it that way. He became very aggressive and threatening when he discovered that I had told someone about his terrible treatment of me. There’s a lot that I can not disclose here on BB.
My husband wasn’t upset about the abuse that I had endured but rather upset that someone else, another Male knew about it. The threats and my husband’s need for revenge, eventually forced me to leave him. I had to be the one to move out of our home.
I had only moral support from my friend as he was in another State. (My husband also threatened my friend).
Soon after I set myself up in a new place, my dear friend and confidant, took his own life.
I was so grief stricken that I almost succeeded in taking my own life. My husband had pushed me to the point of despair. I still wasn’t safe from him and the harassment continued.
This is only part of my story.
Although your husband is hurt, he doesn’t have the right to treat you like this. His words and actions can have devastating consequences. I learnt this the hard way.
Have a serious heart to heart with your husband.