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Forums / Relationship and family issues / I can’t go on your mental health journey with you - fair or unfair

Topic: I can’t go on your mental health journey with you - fair or unfair

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. Katierose002
    Katierose002 avatar
    5 posts
    8 January 2022

    Has anyone had this experience? This Christmas I went to festival with a man I had been dating for about 4 months. He is fully aware that I’m being treated for PTSD. I had an episode while camping and left. I’ve since apologised. He told me that he can’t be “on my mental health journey with me.” I’m trying to process this in the most healthy way I know. Im meditating, doing things I enjoy and connecting with friends. But there is a part of me that is really pissed off and disappointed and I don’t know how to express that or who to express it to. Keen to read other perspectives.

  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    14679 posts
    8 January 2022 in reply to Katierose002

    Katierose

    Welcome to the forum..

    Thsnks for sharing her story.
    I am sorry you had this experience.
    I think he felt he was being honest but maybe he didn’t really understand about what the journey involves. You said he was fully aware that you were being treated for PTSD but maybe he was a bit scared of what they would involve.
    i am not excusing him.

    I have been living with bipolar for nearly 50 years. I found that in one long term relation my partner was in a mental health support group yet had little understanding for me.

    There are people who are capable of supporting a partner with mental health.

    I understand your disappointment , but that is his loss. I know it is hard when one is trying so hard to look after one’s health to have someone d3vide it is too much for them.

    I am glad you could express yourself here.
    We are listening to you.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
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    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    8 January 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi,

    I have had this experience although with a friend, not a partner

    To process what it means....it's a bit of a vague comment so I'd be confused too.

    Losing my friend when I got unwell with ptsd was painful, still hurts, but I really think jn a way it tells us who we can count on. I have beautiful friends now, after letting go of those who walked away.

    It sounds like it is convenient for him to step back but realistically almost every single person will at so,e ti,e struggle with their mental health, making a choice to close Ur eyes to it, and not want to be there for ppl through it, seems to be shallow.

    What would happen if he were to struggle with his mental health?

    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16441 posts
    8 January 2022 in reply to Katierose002

    Hello Katierose, can I also welcome you and thank you for your comment.

    When you date someone it's virtually impossible for everything to go the way it was planned, except for the first couple of months when you're on cloud 9, but if he has dated you knowing you were being treated for PTSD, then he has to expect that the situation could go either way, not only with you but also with him.

    If he is unable to accept this then any future with him would be pointless because in times of trouble he wouldn't be there for you and in a relationship, one has to be there for the other and support each other.

    I'm sorry this has happened to you but it may have turned out to be good for you, now you know he wouldn't support you.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Sophia16
    Community Champion
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    Sophia16 avatar
    286 posts
    9 January 2022 in reply to Katierose002

    Hi Katierose,

    Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. Thank you for being so open here. You are so strong for having to deal with that.

    All I can say is that everyone is different. I know it is so hard to receive words like that but there is not much we can do. If someone truly wants to be with you, they would not say anything like that.

    I know you will find someone who loves you for who you are and who wants to support your journey. He doesn't seem like the right one, in my opinion.

    Stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

  6. Katierose002
    Katierose002 avatar
    5 posts
    9 January 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Thank you. I was really shocked and I feel so much better having read your and others responses. You have reflected my own thoughts on the matter and that makes me feel stronger in myself. The thing I need to remind myself is that I haven’t asked for caused the PTSD - I’m not a bad person. I’m a person working to recover control of my nervous system. Thanks again for your reply.

  7. Katierose002
    Katierose002 avatar
    5 posts
    9 January 2022 in reply to Guest_1643

    Thank you for replying. To your question on would I support him with mental health - I have for sure. I think that’s why I have been blindsided by his behaviour. But you’re right, it’s just him showing me who is. Thanks again

  8. Katierose002
    Katierose002 avatar
    5 posts
    9 January 2022 in reply to geoff

    Thanks Geoff. Your thoughts echo my own and that of my family. Just got to dust myself off and get on with recovery. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

  9. Katierose002
    Katierose002 avatar
    5 posts
    9 January 2022 in reply to Sophia16

    Thank you Sophia16. It is hard to hear, but you’re correct he clearly wasn’t in it for the long haul. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
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    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    12 January 2022 in reply to Katierose002

    No problem katie.

    I had a difficult time with a friend who would say such bkunt statements as this person has said to you.

    I wander someti,es if that's a tactic to get us on board, they say things things blunt and mean that we think "Oh at least they're being 100 percent upfront and honest"

    Or we are so taken back by their harshness

    My friend told me she had a boyfriend and he will always co,e first and she can't be there for me when she needs to work on her own relationship. It hurt and felt like rubbing in pain.

    It took me a while to believe her at what she was saying....that she wasn't interested in caring for me at my lowest.

    It's almost like when someone tells us who they are, we don't believe them at first.

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